Happy Mother-F*n Easter

I suppose if you're going to celebrate Easter (which I rarely do, aside from consuming ridiculous amounts of chocolate shaped in various animals and hiding eggs too high for the kids to reach), you may as well spend it climbing a fucking mountain with sharp, loose rocks.

It's ok, I'll explain.

On this glorious day in Nashville we set out to visit the Fall Creek Falls. (notice how the word "fall" is in there twice? ya, it worried me too)

Upon leaving the house we heard what was later explained to me as being the tornado sirens....nobody else seemed to panic so I just pretended I wasn't worried either. I mean after all, it wasn't as if we were going 2 hours out of the city into the woods without reception or anything right?

You couldn't hold down 5 hookers on a mission to trail down to some waterfall pool, not with a tornado warning, anyway.

After successfully navigating our way to the area, we park as far as we could manage from the actual trail (cos that's just how we roll), and make our way down to the head of the trail.

The beginning didn't look scary at all. In fact, I was beginning to wonder why the website said the trail was "challenging".

Then, like a brick wall, we hit a fucking ledge....that was the beginning of a .25 mile "hike" down one of the steepest mountains I've ever seen in my entire life.

When they say .25 miles, they mean STRAIGHT DOWN! I'm talking 90 degree grade DOWNWARD. I'm fairly certain this "path" was once a waterfall itself. Once dry, they decided to pull a metal rope from top to bottom, and called it a "trail."

It may not seem like a major issue to the naked eye, but when you are DEATHLY afraid of heights, this posed a minor situation for me and another trooper. We both froze like deer in headlights, shaky hands, racing heart, and slightly nauseated. Ok, I won't lie. I was ready to cry and she was ready to throw up at any moment.

Shoes off and head forward, we somehow managed to make it down this mountain of death.

Somewhere in the middle of this climb I realized what goes down must eventually go back up if it wants to sleep in a bed and not a rock tent.

Legs still shaking from trying to climb like a spider monkey, I stood in absolute awe of the magnitude of beauty in front of us. Two huge waterfalls landing into a giant pool of fresh spring water. We wasted no time jumping in (actually it was more like inching our way into the freezing water, but it sounds better if we jumped in...right?)
It was late and no matter how much I tried to ignore the fact, it was time for us to somehow make it back up a fucking jagged mountain.

I won't lie, I needed a pep-talk and a xanax...but the latter wasn't available.

We had no choice. We had to start going up.

The first part was fine...the climb was gradual and the rope was handy when needed. Until, like an asshole, I decided to check our progress and looked down and then up...not at all a good idea....quite possibly one of the worst ideas I ever had.

Vertigo kicked in. My hands were shaking, my brain was having a minor meltdown. And of course, this is where the rope went somewhere off the path and we are left with rocks and tree roots to hold on to.

At one point I was hugging a giant rock like it was my birth mother and quietly yelling out "I'M NOT OK!!!!"

It's funny now, but at the time....not so much.

With the help of my amazing friend Becky (I seriously owe my life to you today!) we somehow made it past the wall of death and near the cable again.

Once I had my hands on that stupid cable I transformed into a spider monkey once again and managed to climb a 30 foot distance in a matter of 3 seconds. And I really wish I was exaggerating, but I wanted the fuck off that mountain and I wasn't about to let some feet stand in the way. So I did what monkeys do best.

I must admit, I'm ridiculously proud of myself and of Heather (the other spaz with a fear of heights) for literally forcing ourselves to face our fears. Hi-five to us.

We finished the day by eating Sonics as our Easter dinner, visiting a Sparta sign (it'll all make sense with pictures) and watching a movie while magnetically attached to the couch.

I still can't move my legs....

Happy Easter

P.S. You'll notice there are no picture of the actual trail? That's because we were too busy holding on to dear life.