With Liberty and helplessness for all

In other news: it turns out all women really want in men is the same thing that some hippie group of stinky women some decades ago fought so hard to get rid of; a man that is a MAN. Someone who can use a power tool and actually WANTS to. Someone that works to provide for the family. Someone that likes to make things more powerful by adding a gagillian watts of something rather to the vacuum cleaner so that when his wife vacuums, the cat needs to strap himself to something nailed down to avoid being sucked in with the rest of the crap that isn't nailed down.

I mean really, aside from letting women vote (seems like a no-brainer to me, seeing as how, turns out, we are indeed also human), respecting us as previously mentioned humans (by maybe not slapping our ass and sending us off to the kitchen to make you a sandwich) and letting us have the option of having a career on top of being a wife and a mother...it seems that "women's rights" have somehow failed in the blue prints.

I'm sorry to put my metro-sexual exs on the spot here, but either I don't know how to pick a real man, or real "men" have turned into nail polishing, "call the tv company, the cable's unplugged", face moisturizing and chest waxing....VAGINAS.

Seriously guys, man up.

It's not cute or even remotely attractive when your girl knows how to change a tire and use a power tool better than you.

I'm just sayin....

Deep thoughts: ....while on a soap box.

 This is a rant I went on with someone, names have been removed, obviously. It's just my end of the conversation because I gave very little breathing room for responses lol I read it back and it made me think a little and laugh a lot.

"Because you say that when someone has your heart you're loyal. He had my heart...but I think it's a matter of time before everyone gets bored and heart being safe doesn't mean they don't surrender to temptations. 

But that's not loyalty. That's turning when someone doesn't provide a certain aspect. 

Not a single soul in this world can keep you satisfied in every aspect at ALL times. Loyalty is living past that. And communicating and figuring out ways to fix it.. So ya...even for a person like me who is loyal and is tripped up with love (not lust) and feelings, I got fed up and just fucked up.

And all of this explains my huge, HUGE trust issues. It's not because of other people's fuck ups. It's knowing that even the deepest love (like I had for ****) doesn't stop people like me from hurting others. I don't trust because I know everyone lies. Even I lied. And I lied well because I was trusted. I'd never lied to (him) before so when I had the necessity to lie, he believed me. And I was pissed off that he believed me. He didn't even challenge the lies. 

So ya.  I know how easy it is to lie to someone that trusts you. So I don't give people the benefit of making it easy to lie to me...if I don't trust them, it's harder for them to hurt me and lie. 

I don't like putting people through the hell of mistrust. Constantly having to prove to me their faithfulness. But it's the only way I can even begin to open my heart to someone...anyone. But how do I quiet that evil demon of mistrust? How do I feed it without jeopardizing relationships? I know fully that if someone is cheating or doing something behind my back there's not a single thing I can do about it. And by asking things and pointing them out, it only shows the person their lies, where they are weak and gives them the opportunity to do a better job of lying. It's never a good combination when mistrust is involved. 

You don't think I ever played that card? The "how can you even accuse me of something like this?! I have never lied to you before. You know, I'm mad cos you'd even accuse me of shit I'd never do" meanwhile....the shit I'm being accused of, is exactly what I'm doing. And now, I know where my lying is slipping. 

Maybe I even wanted to get caught. 

Honesty and faithfulness and trust is all relative anyway. It's a matter of how much you want to be honest and how much you want something. Nobody can ever make anyone else be truthful or faithful. Eventually people will lose interest and go other ways. Thus proving that there's no such thing as ONE person for someone. Even that person will get old at some point. Hopefully it's at a point where nobody else wants you or their wrinkly ass anymore so you stay together growling at each other til your happy deaths. 

Monkeys...humans are nothing more. We think too highly of ourselves but we act just like them...sometimes worse 

Monkeys don't lie ;) 

If a monkey sees something they don't like, they go and beat the crap out of it and yell. We try "talking it out"

Here's the conversation "you play with my stuff *punch* no more" Talk finished. We get vengeful and jealous, snoop, dig, hurt, divorce...I say just punch it out. Takes less time and people get the point. 

Monkeys straight up come and steal another monkey's mate. Nobody goes to court about it lol 

Humans are dumb ass fucking creatures. Creating problems and issues out of everything. 

It's smart cos it works. Primates are monogamous creatures but that doesn't mean they don't get tired of their crazy ass mates and decide to switch their asses out. Kick them out of the tribe, problem solved. She gets picked up by some less alpha male. Life goes on. 

Human desires and standards ruin EVERYTHING. We are never satisfied. Always on the look out for bigger better faster stronger more expensive....no matter what the cost. And generally, the price is drama, hurt feelings and ending up alone and old and pissed off at the world."

And then I stepped off my soap box and went to watch Planet Earth: Primates. My family. And I understood why I love them so much :)

WTF was that for??

Today I feel like leaving you with my all time favorite jokes instead of anything written by me.

A snail is walking across a sidewalk when a man walks by, picks it up and tosses it into the bushes. He goes inside his house. Three years passes he hears a knock on his door. He opens the door, the snail screams "what the fuck was that for you asshole?!"



Don't forget to laugh and smile every day ;)

If God had a name...

I'm absolutely fascinated by churches. I don't go to church, I've never felt the urge to attend mass, I certainly don't follow any specific religious rules, I'm just simply amazed at the ideas and the architecture. 

It's amazing how ridiculously gorgeous most churches are. Grand building with high vaulted ceilings, fancy tiles throughout, columns and rows of hardwood benches, exquisite windows and artwork. The organs, the pianos, the candles, the woodwork, the smells! It's almost overwhelming. 

And have you ever walked into a church and said "hm this isn't the cleanest building I've been in", because I haven't. They are always spotless and so quiet you can hear a pin drop a mile away. Its such serenity in such a ginormous space. Its all built on faith and devotion. It amazes me how strict and dedicated people can be in the name of God and religion all together...and yet some people wouldn't even lift a dish towel in their homes. Why is it that we can follow rules of something made up (I'm sorry, I'm just not a believer in the bible. Rather I don't believe that it wasn't written by people who needed something to follow and believe in) and yet we can't seem to follow simple laws and rules created to better society as a whole. How many people have you heard thank God that they made it through prison because of a law they couldn't abide? Or a husband that beats his wife and attends church regularly. A sinner of any sort that confesses his sins and is somehow cleared of them? 

Why can't we appreciate parks and landmarks like we appreciate churches and take better care of them? If God is omnipresent then he sees you trashing your local park, or running that red light which can potentially harm another human, or drinking and driving after having 2 previous DUIs...

It shouldn't take faith in any God for a single person to function as a good human and maintain a simple life where you answer for the sins and pay for the laws you break...every time you commit them or break them.

Liking the heat and staying in the kitchen.

After last night's hoorah about soaking my oats, tonight I decided to domesticate myself completely by cooking a full blow healthy meal for the family. What can I say, I'm a bit of a contradiction. 

I've always been really home drawn. As a Cancer, I'm a home body and always enjoyed everything domestic. So it's no surprise to me when I get the inkling to cook. Over the last few years I've just strayed away from cooking because I got discouraged by a certain ex. Guess that's what happens when your every move in the kitchen gets analyzed and criticized. I never felt so watched and looked over in my whole life, even by supervisors at work!

He also liked to cook by the book and I've never liked cooking by following recipes. I find them restricting and nothing ever comes out the same. I'm more of an experiment cook. Trial and error. Some things come out amazingly and I try to remember the rough idea for the next time. Some things come out so-so and I try it differently next time. Others get bagged all together. Either way, I love the kitchen...as long as there are no florescent lights! Those make me hiss and run. 

Rough day today with the migraine running wild most of the day. A quick nap and some laughs over dinner with family and the bestie seems to have lifted my spirit. 

Cupcakes tomorrow. Yum. 

It's just a number

I find it funny and somewhat offensive that people assume that women are ready to settle down and have a family at a younger age than men. Maybe a fairly large majority of us really are ready to start poppin out kids at 20, but I think that a good amount of us are just as happy to wait to settle down as men are.

It used to be that you had to wait for a guy to mature and settle in and be in his 30s..I think that age has gone up. Now men in their 40s are looking for girls in the 20s to wife and have a family. I totally agree that men should wait til they are done spearing their seeds all over town and be "done" with it before they get married. What I don't get is, who ever made it a rule that girls don't want to do the same? 

When I was in my earlier 20s and in a long term relationship, I was convinced my biological clock was ticking. I was certain I could be married and have a few kids like TOMORROW. Then I opened my eyes and realized I was the furthest from it. Being single for the past few years and having literal freedom from being attached to someone has seriously made me think that I'm just not "done" yet. If I had to settle down right now, I think I'd feel very cheated out of the life I still want to live without having to answer to anyone. 

Or maybe I just have a male mentality...which I've been told before. Whatever it is, it's time to get out and soak my oats..or whatever it is you're supposed to do with your oats. 

Time to do what Linda has always wanted to do but was always too reserved and scared to do...live my life. 

Not all is lost

The plan was to head out early this morning so we could hit downtown one more time to pick up some more dim sum (I'm hooked) and FINALLY see the painted houses in Alamo Square before we took off back to LA.

I realized this was no longer the plan when I woke up at 10:30 and apparently everyone was "letting me rest". I must admit it was nice to sleep on such a cozy mattress and to let my body recover from the last few days. I still woke up as congested as ever, but I felt better and looked better. I actually looked RESTED. No morning is complete without amazing pancakes for breakfast made by my brother's girlfriend. This morning they were home made chocolate blueberry pancakes that we actually fought for.




After eating what seemed like the entire house, it was sadly time to pack it up, pack it in and hit the road. There was no way I was missing those damn Victorian houses and my dim sum for lunch.

Getting into town seemed easy enough. I think I'm actually getting the hang of the streets now. I managed to get to Alamo Square without a problem and there they were....in all their painted glory. Six nearly identical houses squished next to one another, each wearing a different color. For what I've heard about these houses, I think the anticipation was far greater than actually seeing them in person. After all this, they were just six Victorian houses. Up to this point, I'd seen so many gorgeous Victorians that these just didn't seem to impress me all that much. Never the less, I am glad I finally went and saw them and like every other tourist there, took a picture.

On to the food.

I realized that we need cash before we get to the same place where we'd gotten some amazing steamed balls of bread and happiness. First task, find an ATM....liquor store with an atm inside AND parking? Don't mind if I do! Task number two, figure out where the hell exactly you were two nights ago in the midst of 400 Chinese shops and a million windows with peeled and cooked geese hanging in them.

This is a good time to explain my "system overload" melt downs: this occurs when Linda has too much information being fed into her brain and all the senses are being utilized to process this information and sometimes....just sometimes, the senses get overloaded and the brain goes on vacation and decides its better to just let go of all thinking and processing and just pretend we're there.

At this particular time I was wearing my pajamas still (hey it's not like anyone was going to see me driving for the next 8 hours), thus I had no pockets and I was wearing gloves. In my hands were: a phone, two $20 bills, car keys and change for the parking meter. On my brain was: remember where you parked the car, remember to throw money in there and how much time you have, where the hell is this tiny hole in the wall...I see 30 other places that look just like it. In my ears was: the chit chat of my mom and aunt trying to figure out the same thing...one pointing this way, the other pointing the other way and claiming that she has no idea where it is and probably shouldn't be looking for it anyway, honking and constant chatter of the vendors on the street. Enter System Overload. I threw up my hands, handed off my phone and change to my mom (who had pockets), let them lead the way (which we actually found with THEIR sense of direction) and focused on breathing and not punching the next person to make any noise.

We order a conglomeration of dim sum to eat now and to enjoy on the drive back...the lady at the counter gives me a total...I reach for my twenties....annnnnnnnd they are gone. In the midst of the overload I had dropped, stuffed, stashed, and plain out LOST two $20 bills in the streets of Chinatown. Good luck with finding that. Wallet left in the car and no other cash on us, we are forced to surrender the food and walk back to the car. At this point I wanted nothing to do with food, anything Chinese, or speaking another word aside from "fuck".

I've never been so sharp on directions as I was on the way the fuck out of Downtown and OUT of San Francisco. I'm pretty sure I made record time.

After much calming down from my mom and aunt, I finally gave up on being angry and got on my merry way. (It's a little known fact about me, but I absolutely despise losing things...especially cash).

We had planned to take the coast til we got to Moro Bay but about 15 miles into the coastal drive quickly realized it was a futile effort as the sun would be setting just as we were to pass Big Sur and it would take us an extra 3 hours to get home. It was already nearing 4pm and I was in no mood to drive a huge canyon in the dark. I made an executive decision and back tracked my way to get back to the 5.

There's a huge tradeoff when it comes to taking the 5 freeway down to Los Angeles and through the grapevine. You practically have to give up your sanity to be able to drive and stare at the same fucking scene for 3 long hours with zero turns in the road and the same stupid cars and trucks driving on cruise control. And with such incredibly fun smells rolling in and out of the car from the cow farms and god knows what else. Needless to say, I don't like taking the 5 back home.

If this weren't enough to make me want to slit my wrists with the remaining plastic spoon in the car, when we got to the top of the grapevine we hit MASSIVE fog of about 4inch visibility. I saw NOTHING in front of me nor to the side of me. It was the most intense 45 minutes of my life trying to navigate 5 miles of road and seeing only the tip of my nose.

With all this behind us, the rest of the drive was a piece of cake. It was the first time I'd driven from SF to LA the entire time and my ass, back and legs definitely let me know that as soon as I stepped out of the car when I got home.

By midnight, I wanted nothing more than my own bed and to lay in a coma like state staring at the flickering tv....and that is exactly what I decided to do.

This trip is in the books and it was amazing all around, cold and loses aside.

Just for the wondering few, the Cadillac comes home in a few weeks. Too many people and too much planned to be able to take it home today.

It's sleep time.