Deep thoughts: ....while on a soap box.

 This is a rant I went on with someone, names have been removed, obviously. It's just my end of the conversation because I gave very little breathing room for responses lol I read it back and it made me think a little and laugh a lot.

"Because you say that when someone has your heart you're loyal. He had my heart...but I think it's a matter of time before everyone gets bored and heart being safe doesn't mean they don't surrender to temptations. 

But that's not loyalty. That's turning when someone doesn't provide a certain aspect. 

Not a single soul in this world can keep you satisfied in every aspect at ALL times. Loyalty is living past that. And communicating and figuring out ways to fix it.. So ya...even for a person like me who is loyal and is tripped up with love (not lust) and feelings, I got fed up and just fucked up.

And all of this explains my huge, HUGE trust issues. It's not because of other people's fuck ups. It's knowing that even the deepest love (like I had for ****) doesn't stop people like me from hurting others. I don't trust because I know everyone lies. Even I lied. And I lied well because I was trusted. I'd never lied to (him) before so when I had the necessity to lie, he believed me. And I was pissed off that he believed me. He didn't even challenge the lies. 

So ya.  I know how easy it is to lie to someone that trusts you. So I don't give people the benefit of making it easy to lie to me...if I don't trust them, it's harder for them to hurt me and lie. 

I don't like putting people through the hell of mistrust. Constantly having to prove to me their faithfulness. But it's the only way I can even begin to open my heart to someone...anyone. But how do I quiet that evil demon of mistrust? How do I feed it without jeopardizing relationships? I know fully that if someone is cheating or doing something behind my back there's not a single thing I can do about it. And by asking things and pointing them out, it only shows the person their lies, where they are weak and gives them the opportunity to do a better job of lying. It's never a good combination when mistrust is involved. 

You don't think I ever played that card? The "how can you even accuse me of something like this?! I have never lied to you before. You know, I'm mad cos you'd even accuse me of shit I'd never do" meanwhile....the shit I'm being accused of, is exactly what I'm doing. And now, I know where my lying is slipping. 

Maybe I even wanted to get caught. 

Honesty and faithfulness and trust is all relative anyway. It's a matter of how much you want to be honest and how much you want something. Nobody can ever make anyone else be truthful or faithful. Eventually people will lose interest and go other ways. Thus proving that there's no such thing as ONE person for someone. Even that person will get old at some point. Hopefully it's at a point where nobody else wants you or their wrinkly ass anymore so you stay together growling at each other til your happy deaths. 

Monkeys...humans are nothing more. We think too highly of ourselves but we act just like them...sometimes worse 

Monkeys don't lie ;) 

If a monkey sees something they don't like, they go and beat the crap out of it and yell. We try "talking it out"

Here's the conversation "you play with my stuff *punch* no more" Talk finished. We get vengeful and jealous, snoop, dig, hurt, divorce...I say just punch it out. Takes less time and people get the point. 

Monkeys straight up come and steal another monkey's mate. Nobody goes to court about it lol 

Humans are dumb ass fucking creatures. Creating problems and issues out of everything. 

It's smart cos it works. Primates are monogamous creatures but that doesn't mean they don't get tired of their crazy ass mates and decide to switch their asses out. Kick them out of the tribe, problem solved. She gets picked up by some less alpha male. Life goes on. 

Human desires and standards ruin EVERYTHING. We are never satisfied. Always on the look out for bigger better faster stronger more expensive....no matter what the cost. And generally, the price is drama, hurt feelings and ending up alone and old and pissed off at the world."

And then I stepped off my soap box and went to watch Planet Earth: Primates. My family. And I understood why I love them so much :)