While most days are about the same as others, there have been about 3 of them where I hated everything in life. Everything. Including the air particles around me. Yesterday was one of those days. In our household we have adopted a cute term for something that feels absolutely awful. You know that feeling you get after walking all day at Disneyland? Without breaks....in the heat....without water....and a huge crowd..? Where you are exhausted and your feet feel like you have cement socks on? We call that Disneyland feet. Well, yesterday I had Disneyland legs. No. I did not go to Disneyland. I walked. About 20 minutes to be exact. We had to run some errands and decided to park the car between stores rather than try and find parking by every store. That ended up being my worst enemy.
Part of the woes of Lyme disease is that everything just works opposite of how it's supposed to. Your body is constantly in a hot flash, so even walking in decent weather makes you sweat profusely. The sun feels great until that starts to bother you as well. Your eyes hurt from the sun rays. Your hands and joints hurt when you sit in an air conditioned room. There's really no winning. I've given up on trying to find a happy medium because it just doesn't exist. I go from being hella hot to cold and in pain.
Thanks to a friend who is also going though this, I've learned a few new tricks to combat these uncomfortable things. Lemon water: it's by far the thing that's saved me from tears on a daily basis. The lemon helps detoxify the body and makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with the pain. Hot baths/showers: same concept. Helps get rid of all the toxins by sweating. No matter how shitty you feel while you're taking a hot bath or shower, you always end up feeling so much better after.
I've also learned about a few more things that have been somewhat of a mystery.
My recent inability to lose weight no matter what I did, and some serious mood swings that come out of nowhere (most of the times completely unwarranted). I've noticed the weight gain after surgery and thought it was normal since I had not been able to exercise much. I thought getting back to eating better and skating would take that right off. I was sadly wrong. No amount of diet change or activity has even put a dent into the weight. Normally I wouldn't even really notice or care, but I've always been able to regulate my weight fairly easily in the past. (And I don't mean when I was 18). As it turns out, the Lyme actually affects my thyroid. Joy! So while I've been used to a fast metabolism that responds quickly to diet changes, now I'm stuck with an under active thyroid that's basically doing whatever it wants and keeping whatever weight it wants.
As if it wasn't frustrating enough to feel flubbery and sick, I've noticed weird mood swings that are completely unrelated to anything in life. I get waves of absolute rage and anger that is so bad that it even scares ME. It doesn't last long and I definitely know not to act out on any of those irrational feelings, but holy shit I hate it. It's unfair to everyone around me and it absolutely exhausts and frustrates me. Apparently, however, this is the norm for Lyme.
I'm hoping as treatment goes on, these symptoms subside and I can function as myself again.
For now, I understand what's happening and that helps to keep my spirits up.
Tonight, I'm gonna stick to a plan we made a while ago and try to skate a little at the Oaks 80s Gay Skate! Even if I troll around for 15 minutes and watch the rest, I will come home happy.
I'm leaving the Epsom salt and bubble bath out so I can jump straight into what will be a necessary bath afterwards.
That's all for now
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