Ode to the cycle

Dear period,

Thank you for always being there in the most important times and showing up like that uninvited uncle that nobody really knows or understands.

Thank you for always ripping out the last bit of energy left in my body after a long day.

Thank you for being so diligent in coming EVERY month for no particular reason but to throw a wrench in my otherwise good mood.

Thank you for making me crave every possible flavor in the flavor spectrum....in one single and impossible food.

Thank you for making an otherwise emotionally stable human into a basketcase.

Thank you for adding an extra 5-10 lbs of water weight just for fun and making me feel like going to the gym 3 times a week is just not enough.

Thank you for preparing my womb for a child I'm not trying to have since I was 13....every damn month!

Thank you for making me buy pants and underwear just for that 5 day period in a month because damn it if I don't feel good, I sure as hell am not gonna prance around in anything but booty shorts and sweatpants.

Thank you for making me look forward to nothing but hot-flashes and more mood swings after this bleeding mess is over.

Of all the things I'm thankful for, I thank you most for making my boobs bigger but far too tender to touch.

You are a real asshole, nature.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go down some more advil and take a nap.

Sincerely,

Me.