The great wall of Exs

You know when you've been in a relationship where you are completely honest with the person and broke down all the walls you ever built (or maybe you entered without walls)...whatever the case may be, when the relationship you thought was supposed to be reciprocated ends up being nothing short of brutal...you tend to build bigger and better walls.

I've come to accept the fact that my last relationship did just that. I came into it blindly, made sacrifices to be in it, did things I usually wouldn't do just for the sake of making someone happy, I had no guards up, didn't drag any baggage and became someone I didn't recognize in the end. From the point that it ended I became a different person. Some parts of ME as a person returned to my true self. Unfortunately, there are a lot more parts of me that got destroyed that I liked a lot better before they got tainted.

Its sad to say that one person's actions can really dictate how I interact with people now, but it's true. It really takes a lot for someone to break down some walls and really get the same core that someone once had without a fight. For lack of a better word, I've become a bitch. For anyone that's known me before that breakup you know exactly what I mean. I can't exactly say that I'm ashamed or reluctant to say that I have become more difficult to deal with. I've simply stopped giving people the opportunities to break my spirit before they have the honest right to even KNOW it. Its a form of armor I suppose. Your trust must now be earned, whereas before I'd trust blindly until proven otherwise. I get how this is not the best way to approach friendships and relationships, but at least I stay true to my biggest virtue...honesty. I'll be honest with you and tell you that I trust you about as far as I can throw you. I'll be honest and say that once you earn my trust, you find a different person inside.

I'm like a giant snowball that rolled down a hill of dirt. Yeah its dirty and has pebbles in it, but underneath is a fresh layer of pure white soul. A lot better than just finding a rock covered in dirt, no?

Guess my point is, if I come off as abrasive its because I'm tired of putting myself in a position for getting crapped on for my kindness. Time for people to put in a little work to get the real me.

p.s. no this isn't a recent breakup lol it's just taken me this long to realize that ONE person stuck the biggest stick into my wheel of life. I crashed, got up, dusted myself off and got myself a new bike to roll in...this time with spikes :)