#22 Something that really bugs you.

I suppose I'm a whiney bitch....because there are certainly more than ONE thing that bother me.


But if I HAD to pick one, I'd say waiting bothers me. A lot.

I am the least patient person I know.

Don't get me wrong, on the surface I seem like I can wait for anything for decades, but inside, waiting for the toaster to warm up my english muffin makes me homicidal.

I'm that kid that started walking home if my parents weren't there to pick me up from school within 2 minutes of the bell ringing.

Instant gratification. I wants it.

#23 Physical appearance

I've admitted to this before, I would like bigger boobs...but for whatever reason, the genetic makeup decided I needed to be the smallest chested female in my entire family. 

I don't dislike them enough to get implants nor do I need them for my work, so I made peace with it a little while back lol 

Itty bitties it is for me. I personally think slightly bigger would be more proportionate to my body, but honestly I don't care anymore.

Other than that, I'm pretty happy with my appearance. Imperfections and all. 

#24 Crush

In no particular order (and not necessarily on their own):

Cam Gigandet
Olivia Wilde
Scarlet Johanssen
Johnny Depp
Kristen Stewart
Justin Timberlake
Mila Kunis
Natalie Portman
Heath Ledger :(
Bradley Cooper
David Duchovny
Dane Cook
Tyler Durden
That chick from Shameless 
Mark Wahlberg  
P!nk


I realize it's a long list, but I get bored easily ;) I'd put them all on rotation. 

#25 Trait in others

A trait you deplore in others.

I don't know if I'd use the word "deplore" in reference to traits I may dislike in others....but anyway, laziness is a trait I absolutely cannot tolerate in others and myself for that matter.

I'm not saying I'm never lazy. I have days, even weeks, where I simply don't give a crap enough to do anything all damn day long.

I'm talking about day-to-day laziness and people who have made a life decision to just put in a minimum amount of effort into their lives.

Life is far too short to sit and wait for something to happen, you have to shove yourself into doing things. I find myself slacking and feeling like doing nothing some nights, but I still force myself to get out because today, like any other day, I will never get to do over again.

That's my story...I'm stickin to it.


...oh....and arrogance. no explanation needed there.

#26 10 Years Ago

A photo taken 10 years ago.

 I have to admit, physically, not much has changed aside from me no longer being a blonde. 

#27 Things that moved

First book/movie/song that moved you.

The first book that made a real impact on me was "Kaffir Boy". It's been my favorite book since I read it my freshman year in high school. It's a biography of Mark Mathabane's life in South Africa and the battles and struggles of living among the apartheid regime. I remember connecting with this book on such a deep level. It's also so well written that every time I read a chapter I felt like I was in the middle of the raids and all the abuse. I recommend that everyone reads it at some point in their lives. It's a real eye opener.

I know I'm going to get shit for the movie that moved me but I'm not much of a softie when it comes to movies. I very rarely cry. Actually, I've probably cried during 3 movies. The first one was Titanic. Go ahead, laugh. I was a teenager and very hormonal...so it moved me. The Notebook was also too damn romantic and cute NOT to cry. The latest one I saw that touched on such a deep level was The Stoning of Soraya M. So much that it just made me angry at the amount of ignorance and hate in this world.

As far as music, Tupac's Greatest Hits album is an absolute tear jerker. But if I had to pick one song I'd say Seether's version of Careless Whisper makes me emotional every single time.

#28 Turn offs

What turns you off?

Oh dear. This could be a really long blog. For fear of it becoming too long, I'll just name a few:

Bad hygiene. This includes looking like the last time you took a shower was on a major holiday.

Bad breath. There is absolutely nothing you can do to trump bad breath. There's no excuse for it. Brush your teeth and if that doesn't work, go see a dentist and a gastrologist, cos something is WRONG.

Arrogance. Nobody is god's gift to mankind. That includes you. Get over yourself :)

Selfishness.

Bad teeth. Woah, ya....sorry no.

Guys with hair longer than mine.

Bad kissers. Oh it's such a shame when you're really into someone and they feel like kissing is a code name for a tonsil inspection. Or worse, someone who doesn't open their mouth at all. WTF. I'm too old to be teaching people to kiss and you're definitely too old not to know how.

Girls that look like men. Why? I mean I get it, you're into girls...but why look like a man? Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose? Just sayin. Throw on some lip-gloss, I promise it won't turn you straight.

Immaturity. There's a huge difference between being playful and being plain out immature. The latter will get a glare from me.

People who don't take care of their piercings. Seriously, it's gross.

People who either shower in their colognes or feel like it's completely unnecessary to smell nice. There IS a middle ground, folks. Lets practice it. If you look like a pop-sicle on a hot summer day, but you don't smell nice, I'll definitely be deflated.

I love tattoos, but if you look like you're a practice pad for a prison mate, you're off my radar.

Bimbos. Guys and girls. Holy crap, why must the really pretty ones be so effin stupid sometimes?? It truly makes all the prettiness so useless.

I'll stop there lol

#29 Scars

The story behind one of your scars.

I like how it says "one" of your scars...and how I had to think which scar I wanted to talk about. I've met quite a few people my age who don't have any scars at all, let alone enough scars to have to choose one. For a girl, I have entirely too many.

Anyway, this one was actually a freak accident (unlike most of the other ones I have that are the result of me being a dumbass.)

As some of you may know I grew up in a tiny little town tucked away in the midst of a huge tundra in northern Russia.

During Christmas and New Year's, the city would build huge ice sculptures that had lights and were used as giant ice slides for kids to play on. I'm talking 50 feet and taller. In Soviet Russia, you don't ride slide, the slide rides you.

One good afternoon, my brother and I decided to take our sleds to the sculptures and give it our best shot. He was to be the older more responsible sibling that day, and not allow a 7-year-old me to go on the slide as it was super icy, steep and fast as hell.

We won't go into details of why and how I ended up at the top of that slide, sitting on my metal sled with a huge grin on my face, ready to bob-sled my tiny body down this thing with super speeds.

There I was flying down, laughing, when a tiny piece of pebble or dirt decided to join the party and stop my sled in it's tracks causing me to go face forward into the sled. I smashed my chin on the front metal foot-rest of the sled and continued my face-ward adventure down the rest of the slide.

As if slicing the skin open on the metal wasn't enough, I decided the best way to stop at the bottom of the hill was with my entire face....on the ice, smashing my chin and completely destroying the skin, muscle and bone of my chin.

Being the "little engine that could", I sprung right up mainly, shocked and somewhat laughing. I ran my hand across my chin and looked down...I saw nothing but a blood soaked mitten. This is when the pain set in. Apparently I burst into tears and yelled pretty loud, as my mom rushed to our 5th story apartment overlooking the play area, because she thought someone was murdering her child.

My poor brother couldn't do or say a thing. He's probably not to blame since I've always been a pretty good negotiator and probably convinced him it was a good idea to go on that thing and assured him "everything would be fine." Famous last Linda words.

Living in the damn tundra, there were very few cars, and the local hospital was a 5 minute sled ride away. So there I was, bleeding (slightly less than before because it was probably near -30 Celsius outside and everything had frozen), on the same sled that tripped me, with my dad running and pulling me to the hospital. My mom and brother running behind us.

At the hospital, apparently I started bleeding again as I thawed out, so the surgeon decided to sow my shit up sans anesthesia for fear of me losing too much blood. I call bullshit, I think they just wanted me to learn my lesson.

45 minutes and 3 layers of 5 stitches each later (nerves reattached, muscle stapled and skin put back together) I was sown up, given a giant ice pack for my swollen face, and sent off home. I might add this is the exact point where I became terrified of needles. It's probably a natural fear since I watched and felt a needle enter and exit my face 15 times with excruciating pain.

I wish I could say I learned my lesson, but the very next year, I was back on that sculpture, this time ridding with my feet out to control the speed.

To this day, when temperatures drop below 50 degrees, my chin freezes and I have difficulty talking because I can't move my lower lip. And I have no feeling whatsoever where the scar is.

It's the least noticeable, but the most painful scar I have. Kudos to Dr. Kavorkian for putting my face back together so nicely.

#30 First love

Describe the first moment you fell in love and how did you know it was love?

I really didn't want to answer this one because in retrospect, I don't think I've really been "in love" yet. I think I was in lust and in stupid at the same time. And once, I was in love with the idea of being in love with a person, when neither one of us was ready for any of it. I loved a lot of people deeply and unconditionally...which often times wasn't reciprocated.

I'll tell you about the one time I "thought" I was in love.

He may or may not read this, and if he does, I hope he realizes that I'm not being a bitch by saying it wasn't real love. It felt like it, but in fact it was just me letting go of fears and insecurities all in hopes of "feeling" in love.

It was our third time seeing one another and I was trying to be a good girl and go home after a really nice night of spending time together. And I do mean spending time. It wasn't just physical time being spent. We talked and laughed and really connected.

It was very late in the night and I had work the next day and school after work. He had the same.

It was nearly 2 a.m. and it was drizzling outside. It was so cold outside that you could see your breath when you spoke. It was a full moon or nearly full because the sky was bright with moonlit clouds.

He walked me to my car. I unlocked my door and turned around to say good night.

He came in for a hug and I got swallowed by his arms. My cheeks and nose buried between his neck and shoulders.

I couldn't feel the cold. I couldn't feel the rain. It was as if I was numb to the environment.

I literally felt like I was covered by a blanket of warmth and comfort.

We stood this way, gently swaying and rocking for what felt like hours. Not saying a single word. The world had stopped moving for a few minutes. And it was just him and me.

"I know," I mumbled. "Me too."

He pulled back and looked at me.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," he said.

 "You didn't say anything," I replied. "But I felt it."

"We just....fit..." he said as he pulled me closer again.

I guess that's how I knew I may have accidentally fallen for someone. For an instant, we both thought and felt the same thing and the whole universe responded.

He didn't want to let me go and I didn't want to leave. 

I always wondered if this was the moment I fell in love, or if this was the moment where I so desperately wanted to be in love. 

All I know is, if this was real love, then truly nothing lasts for ever. Because even this couldn't stand the test of time and the hurdles of life.

What's funny is that this isn't even the person I think about when I think of truly loving someone for ever.

Everybody has that one person that will always have some part of your heart no matter where you go or where they go. Or if you even speak to one another ever again.

Maybe he was my true love. Who knows anymore. Not to sound like a wounded bird, but after two consecutive, long-term and very emotionally involving and draining relationships, "love" and being "in love" is the last thing on my mind right now. The scars of betrayal and heart break are so deeply rooted in me that I often wonder if I'll ever allow myself to be in that moment of vulnerability again.

Sad, but surely true.

It takes a strong individual to put up with me and all my insecurities. I'm sure they're out there. I'm just not willing to see them yet.

:)

#31 Fantasies and daydreams

 
Most common daydream/fantasy:
I don't think my daydreaming is ever the same.
I space out on a daily basis…a few times a day. I need a special helmet with the amount of space cadetting I do. It’s not so much that I space out into another “place” per se, I usually just go into some dark alley in my mind and wander around for a few minutes until someone waves their hand in my face or snaps their finders in front of my eyes.

This is how deep thoughts, ideas, and master plans occur in my head lol

I think of one thing and then the train of thought goes off the map and into the woods where everything is connected. Often times I find myself retracing my path of thoughts and wondering how the hell I got to the point I was just thinking about.

If I do truly “daydream” it's usually of a place where it’s peaceful. Like wishing I was sitting on some desolate beach with my toes in the sand and the sun baking my skin. Or some house or cottage deep in the woods surrounded by a river and trees where you can hear light rain hitting the leaves of the trees.

I very rarely “fantasize” about things or people. I’m too much of a go-getter to sit and fantasize. If there something or someone I want, I will usually assemble a plan to get it and end up working my ass off on getting it and wasting zero time fantasizing about it.

I’m chucking it up to me being too much of a realist. I see things for what they are and set high but realistic goals and desires.

That being said, I still have quite the imagination, I just put it to work by making my imagined things into realities.

Sorry. There is no smut here lol

I practice my fantasies, I don’t write about them.

#32 Palabras

What is your favorite word? What is your least favorite word?

wow....um...I'm such a vocabulary fiend that it's genuinely hard for me to say that I have a favorite word. It's funny, because I really do have a wide range in my vocabulary but words like "affection" pop into my mind when I think of a "favorite." I think I just like everything it represents more than the word itself.

As far as disliking words I have a few that honestly make me cringe, like: epic, awesome, and when people call women "mama" when they aren't...and actually even if they are mothers, nobody should be calling another woman "mama" unless that woman is in fact your MAMA.

#33 Turn ons

What turns me on?

Intelligence.

That doesn't cut it eh? OK, OK I'll throw out a little teaser list.

Appearance-wise: the more inappropriate you are as a boyfriend the higher the chances are that I'm turned on by you. Tattoos. Piercings. If you can sport beanies and hats. Forearms (its strange I know).

Musicians. They make me drool. I'm not entirely too picky but I seem to drool the most over drummers. There's just something about a person that has a passion for music and can play something for me. It melts me.

As far as personalities and actions go: a passion for something productive is a turn on. Like music, art or cooking...collecting comic books would not be considered a passion...at least at this stage in life.

Someone who is genuinely kind and caring turns me on. But at the same time, I like a badass as well. It's a complicated thing, this mind of mine.

As far as physically...well...I can't give it all away, because then it would just be too easy, wouldn't it? ;)

#34 Sounds

What sounds do you love? What sounds do you hate?

I can listen to the sounds of the ocean for hours. It brings some kind of peace to me and almost sets a rhythm to my breathing, heartbeat and thoughts. I always said that if I ever got trapped anywhere it would have to be by the ocean, simply because I would never get tired of it.

The sound of kids laughing. You have to have a heart of stone not to smile when you hear the laughter of a child.

A purring kitty. This puts me in a trance and makes me super sleepy and cuddly lol

Rain. The sound of the rain drops on the ground or some kind of a metal shed....thunder...I'm the retard you catch outside in a t-shirt without shoes collecting rain drops in my mouth.



Sounds I don't like?

Styrofoam. I may actually throw up just thinking about it. *shudder* I don't know who created this crap but they need to be found and destroyed...immediately!

The beeps and bloops of the vitals in hospital rooms. It's a strange one, but it gives me anxiety.

The sound of someone clipping their nails. It just grosses me out. I can handle it if I'm clipping my nails, but if I hear someone else doing it....ew.

The atrocious sounds men make when they wake up and get ready in the morning. Seriously guys, turn it down a notch, you're not a fucking machine factory.

Leaf blowers. Need I say more? I don't understand their purpose nor the reason why they are this loud and seem to be used for 2.5 hours straight. One day, my gardener will walk away with that thing neatly jammed up his ass...still blowing.

#35...curse words

What is your favorite curse word?

Oh man that's a tough one. My vocabulary is about as colorful as a bag of skittles. And I also like to combine curse words and make up my own. 

I think for it's versatility I will say "fuck" is my favorite. It's a noun, a verb, an adjective...you can't go wrong with a "fuck." 

A close second is "cunt"...cos once you go there, there's no turning back. If you hear this one from me it's generally because someone really fucked up and deserves it. 

#36...professions

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? What profession would you not like to do?

I've always been interested in biology, genetics and forensics. 

Ideally I would have loved to become a forensic scientist, but that requires some years of med school and I'm deathly afraid of needles...which doesn't go well together with any kind of science. 

I always wanted to be Scully from the X-Files...with more lab work :)

On the same note, I would not like to be a phlebotomist. I get uber faint when I see needles nearing veins...and when/if I see actual blood entering the receiving tubes, I'm out for the count. 

#37 Pearly gates

If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

I imagine it will go something like me standing at the counter ringing the little bell for assistance (kinda like at the airport lost baggage counter) and St Peter and the rest of his posse will be hiding behind the counter (kinda like at the airport lost baggage counter).

I'll hear whispers of "shut up!! She'll get the point eventually and leave."

Or maybe it'll be like a nightclub in Hollywood, where I'll refuse to have the appropriate "attire" and St. Peter is the asshole bouncer that only lets in slutty girls in groups of 5. Eventually I'll just flip him the bird and go to some other heaven where they serve the same crappy alcohol with the same creepy dudes trying to rub up on you.

Or I may just get there and St. Peter will look at me with disappointment and say, "You pressed the wrong button on the elevator again, didn't you?"

#38....inspiration

Who inspires me?

I don't have a specific person. I don't tend to idolize or aspire to be LIKE anyone. I aspire to be the best version of myself and I take certain characteristics from several people to mold myself.

People who push beyond their physical, emotional and mental limits inspire me. 

People who come out on top when life dug them into the ground.

People who cherish friendships as much as I do.

People who are genuinely generous and caring without expecting anything in return. 

Honest people. 

As jackass-ish (it's a word, I swear) as it may come off, I inspire myself. On a daily basis. 

I may not have come from really serious hardships or situations but I have climbed out of what was hell to ME. 

I've seen, done and experienced things that others haven't but I've also NOT seen, done and experienced what others have. 

I inspire myself because I know I'm far from perfect and I take every day to do something to better myself as a human being. 

Inspiration to me is not a who, it's a what. It's the desire and will to be better, and all these things inspire me to do just that. Being ALIVE inspires me.

A deeper look

I realize that I go into pretty deep and personal issues a lot of times here, and although the things I post give everyone somewhat of a picture of how I think, I'd like to do something fun.

As an aspiring writer, the best given advise (thus far) has been to just WRITE. Anything. Everything. All the time.

Sometimes we are given assignments, other times things we see simply inspire us. And on occasion there are also fun things to write about, like.....yourself!

This was a suggestion by a teacher and I've also seen others do it:

One blog per day answering a question about yourself. It's usually an exercise for people who get stuck, and it forces them to write something each day. Since I've beaten myself up and have kept up my own promise to write daily, this won't be that difficult, but it will let people see a more "in-depth" version of me.

I have many a layer, so lets see what this unfolds.

This project started out as a 30 blogs in 30 days, but more questions were added by students and well, it came out to 38...so what I'll do is the 38 questions listed below and will also throw in 2 wild card questions that I'm sure I'll get thrown at me at some point.

These will generally come in sequence every night, unless something truly profound comes to my noggin and I just can't stop myself from writing about it. If it happens more than 5 times, I'll just make this project a whole other blog. Deal? Deal.

Here they are in order (I'll start at 38 and go upward):

1. Your work space.
  2. The best part of your day.
  3. Something you refuse to do.
  4. Last book you read.
  5. Meaning behind your blog name.
  6. Talent you wish you had.
  7. A photo of you without makeup.
  8. Last item you purchased.
  9. Something that makes you sad.
 10. 15 Facts about you.
 11. Your favorite thing right now.
 12. Best Christmas present you ever got.
 13. Your favorite teacher.
 14. Something you’re thankful for.
 15. A photo from your childhood.
 16. Something you crave.
 17. Your worst hair moment (if you skip this one, it’s totally cool).
 18. Favorite smells.
 19. Last time you cried.
 20. Last time you had to apologize to someone.
 21. Something that scares you.
 22. Something that really bugs you.
 23. What you dislike most about your appearance.
 24. Celebrity crush.
 25. A trait you deplore in others.
 26. A photo taken 10 years ago.
 27. First book/movie/song that moved you.
 28. What turns you off?
 29. The story behind one of your scars.
 30. Describe the first moment you fell in love and how did you know it was love?
 31. Most common daydream/fantasy … details appreciated
 32. What is your favorite word? What is your least favorite word?(yes, these next 6 are the Lipton questions)
 33. What turns you on?
 34. What sound do you love? What sound do you hate?
 35. What is your favorite curse word?
 36. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? What profession would you not like to do?
 37. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
 38. Someone who inspires you?

Just for entertainment purposes.

Sometimes getting rid of all the drama and poisonous people in your life makes for a boring life. 

Nothing to have anxiety attacks over. No stupid gossip to sort through. No calls to pick them up at 3am. 

I feel like I need to cause some trouble just to keep things interesting.

Maybe it's time for a relationship again. You know, to keep the arguments regular. Sometimes getting rid of all the drama and poisonous people in your life makes for a boring life. 

Nothing to have anxiety attacks over. No stupid gossip to sort through. No calls to pick them up at 3am. 

I feel like I need to cause some trouble just to keep things interesting.

Maybe it's time for a relationship again. You know, to keep the arguments regular. 

The process

I made a promise to myself to write every day...before I realized I may want to make it a profession. 

I see the world in a different way. I always have. Now, I just write about it.

Most days it feels like I'm alone on my views and sometimes I strike a note with others. It makes absolutely no difference to me to be honest. 

Through endless amounts of judgement, criticisms, and arguments, I've kept my ground on how I see things and how I feel about them. 

There are also days that I question myself. And I have to physically look in the mirror and tell myself that I'm not the person some people may claim I am. 

It hurts. But for now, I still believe in who I am.

In making a promise to myself, I write everyday. Sometimes wishing it were just the writing I do in my journal with pen and paper. 

Family.

Family.

You always start to cherish everyone when bad things happen. 

I've always been family oriented. Maybe it's my astrological sign, maybe it's the way I was brought up, or maybe I just like the people I'm related to...for the most part. No family is complete without a relative that despises you and makes up crazy stories about you and what you've done wrong this time. 

Such is life. For every family member that drives you nuts, you get to choose someone into your family...called a friend. 

I like my birth and chosen family. And nothing makes it better than spending a day in the back yard grilling, laughing, eating and wondering why grandma looks like she wants to drown me in the toilet every time I sit next to her.

Cherish your family, disaster can hit at any point and take it all away. 

World Support

In a world of unpredictable it saddens me that humans have become so predictable.

Predictable in such a fucked up way, too.

When disaster hits like Haiti, Chile, New Zealand, Australia and now Japan, our biggest concern shouldn't be about making bracelets that "show support."

When did support become a bracelet, a flag or a t-shirt? Why do we need a stamp or a souvenir to parade our "support" for anything? You think those bracelets, stickers and flags are made for free? No. So when you see that "all proceeds go to help *** in their recovery" please understand what "proceeds" means the money left over after paying for the bullshit that will inevitably be thrown away (to further pollute the earth), to pay for the people responsible for shipping your medal of support to you, and whatever else expenses they may incur. THEN, maybe some money will be sent to help.

Put your parading pride to the side and if you feel you can help in any way, (wether it's food, water, clothes, shelter, or money) just donate directly to the cause. Skip the memorabilia. Your reminder of the fact that you helped shouldn't come in a bracelet, it will be evident when actual human lives will be saved.

The devastation is enough of a reminder.

How soon we forget it all.

Haiti is still in the process of recovery. New Zealand, Chile and Australia are still very much a disaster zone. How about victims of Katrina? If you really were supporters you would know that most of the coast of Louisiana is still in shambles and thousands are still homeless. But I bet your "save NOLA" bracelets are long gone.

I'm not saying that all humans work in a selfish manner, but majority of us do. There are amazing human beings out there sacrificing their time and efforts and actually really volunteering to help.

There's something EVERYONE can do, no matter your location, age, financial ability or social status.

Do SOMETHING, anything.

Feelin grungy

With all due respect to all the artists trying to do something in music right now, what in the world has happened to GOOD music!?

We are stuck with: 
1. skanky hooker looking squeek boxes like Kesha (I refuse to use the $ as an S...you're lucky I even know your name. You look like you smell like an old tshirt soaked with alcohol vomit and dirty sex). Please stop.
2. Sorry excuses for hip-hop music like Ditty doowop skippidy poppy (WTF is that dudes name now?) 
3. What they call "club hits." I like Usher and all but when every 3rd song sounds like him when it's not even him? Mike Posner, Drake, and that fruitcake from England..all sound like carbon copies of one another. 
4. and then there's the alien Bieber...no words there.

I miss the 90s. Nirvana. Metallica. Bush. Garbage. *sigh* I'm gonna dig up some flannel and wear it around my waist and bust out some doc martins, in hopes of resurrecting that decade. 

Music, wherever you're hiding, please come out and play again. Mainstream music is making my ears bleed.

The reality of addiction. In my eyes at least.

I really wanted to stay away from all the bullshit going on about Charlie Sheen and his "crazy" banter and all the attention he's getting...

but, alas, I feel the public needs a swift kick in the gonads for a reality check.

Why do you think his behavior has continued the way it has? Why do you think the media continues to cover his every word and every move?

It's OK, I won't wait for an answer, because I know the answer. Because people WANT to read about it and hear about it so they have something to talk about the next day at work. Nobody actually cares about him or his serious problems.

Charlie, Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber's new haircut, and Britney Spears' chocha are the biggest news breaking stories because they are perpetuated by the audience.

What Charlie Sheen and others are dealing with is an illness. A mental illness called addiction. (Aside from Justin Bieber...he's...well, he's a whole other topic)

People need to seriously realize that it's not a joke and it's not something that could be fixed by going to a retreat style rehabilitation center where all the celebrities go just to put a check mark next to "rehab" on their list of "things to do as an overpaid human."

A stint on "Celebrity Rehab" or a 40 day "intense rehab" in one of the acclaimed centers located in a desert somewhere, doesn't constitute a successful attempt at saving your life.

You know why 80% of addicts relapse within a year after going sober? Because NONE of them get scared out of their addictions.

Instead of spending $45K on a month long "spa" with rules like "no candy allowed", they should be tossed into a maximum security facility where you are forced to go through proper withdrawal and undergo professional therapy and proper psychological treatment.

Addiction IS a disease. If it weren't a disease people wouldn't be "genetically predisposed" to it. There have been studies done to show that there are different parts of the brain that are affected by and control addiction.

When a person gets diagnosed with hypertension, the doctor doesn't recommend doing some breathing exercises to cope with the disease, they prescribe medication to control it and properly TREAT the disease.

Addiction is no different.

Raking a zen garden will help you think about the next time you want to get your high, nice and peacefully. But it won't do shit to TREAT the reason WHY you want to get your high.

I'm disappointed in this country on so many levels on this subject.

Doctors for disregarding cries out for help. People around addicts that allow the addiction to take over and continue without handling it like they actually WANT to save that person. Rehabilitation centers for faking their way into making everyone think they can cure anything by building zen gardens and talking in a circle. And society for taking it all so lightly.

The only people that don't disappoint me are the addicts themselves. I'm actually quite impressed with their abilities to do everything in their powers to get their next high. Addiction is their highest power. It's stronger than adrenaline, fear and life, in most cases.

It's absolutely ridiculous that we rely on the will of the addict to allow us to take action and start treatment.

You show me an addict that is clear enough to make that choice and I'll show you a Leprechaun or a Unicorn.

People who need help the most will never have a moment of clarity where they will willingly surrender their addiction. They may realize they are in trouble, but the chances of them actually wanting to give it up are slim.

There have to be facilities that take this more seriously. Yes, treat it like a prison sentence. Because it should be.

I'm not saying rehabilitation centers need to seize to exist, by any means. But REHABILITATION, by definition is something you do after you stop the bleeding.

When someone has successfully gone through withdrawals and have managed to recognize and control triggers (either with psychotherapy or through brute force), which in most cases takes YEARS not months or days, that's when they should be transferred into a rehabilitation center where they can start rebuilding their life.

Learn to live in a society that shoves drugs and substances in your face in great abundance. Rake your gardens, meditate and exercise whatever else tool they teach you.

Shoving people into 40 day programs is like putting a band-aid on a decapitated head.

Charlie Sheen needs to get kidnapped and thrown into a prison style treatment center and given drugs for the marbles he's lost along the way before it's too late.

It saddens me that people like Mikey Starr suffer so long with addiction and the world around them just watches. I'm not sure how living in a place with 10 other addicts was conducive to saving his life. He needed someone to grab him by the neck and FORCE him into real treatment. NOTHING in his life was his choice anymore. Even life itself.

He never forgave himself for the death of his best friend, and from that point on had no intention of living his own life. It was only a matter of time that things ended the way they did for him.

As cruel as it may sound, but I'm happy he is no longer suffering and is reunited with his best friend. I'm saddened for my own selfish reasons, just like everyone else. But just like everyone else, there was nothing I could personally do. Me, because I didn't know him. Others because they were too ignorant or scared to do anything.

Nobody should ever lose their physical life to addiction. It's enough that they lose their mental and emotional life to it.

There's gotta be a better way to do this....we can't just wait for people to ASK for help.

I miss my cousin Danny. I'm sorry I was too ignorant and naive to see the real issue. Maybe if I was strong enough, was more observant and had enough balls, you would still be with us today. 

Heavy rotation.

This is dedicated to my dear musicians.

*sigh* how should I say this?

When you book venues, and play those awesome shows, and people come out to see you from every little corner of wherever...can you please give us something to be excited about?

With the high prices of large venue concerts these days, people turn more and more to shows in small venues. 

AKA...the Sunset Strip.

Maybe it's selfish to ask for the same kind of value of entertainment as, let's say, Linkin Park at the Staples Center for $160, but times are rough and it could be a win-win situation. Your music reaches more people and the people get their brains rocked.

It used to be enough, even for an evil critic like me, to come see shows, get drunk and rock out to whatever was played.

Maybe its my old age or maybe my musical ear has finally matured, but I want more than just to show up and be "played at."

Just some tips:
1. Switch up your sets. We all know you have more than the same 7 songs in your musical rotation. If I can safely name all the songs you're gonna play that night...and sing them with you, chances are, you've played them too much.

2. Mix it up. Play fan favorites with some new material. We want to learn more lyrics and scream them with you.

3. Don't be afraid to do covers. Your fans will enjoy the treat, and people who've never heard you before, WILL hear you now. Familiarity catches people's attention.

4. Be creative. If all your songs sound the same (which is ok, that's why there are things called "genres"), do something creative like doing the entire song in a second harmony, or grow some balls and do it a cappella! 

5. Throw curve balls. This goes alongside creativity and covers. How about doing an N'Sync song metal style?

6. Hot lead singers? Sexy guitar players? Hypersensitive drum players? TAKE YOUR SHIRTS OFF! We all know you run around barefoot and naked in your house. Bring some of that to the stage. It's the oldest trick in the book. Don't worry, we don't get tired of it. What we do get tired of is you tugging on your shirt and seeming to put more clothes on as the shows get hotter. Party foul.Vests are cute and all, but they are cuter on the floor. You are hot for a reason. Use it.

Go forth my friends, make fans. Give me something to write about ;)

Bye Day

Brain needing a rest tonight.

I've been getting molested by the sinus infection, followed by the antibiotics, followed by these hurricane style winds tonight.

I'm so irritable that I want to punch myself.

So, I'll just take this night off to catch up on my weekly shows and go through a box of tissues for the watery eyes and nose.

Here's to a better (and less windy) tomorrow.

Cheers.

Women superior to men? Perhaps in some ways.

Before you start forming your own opinions on me about this, I’d like to say that these are based on factual information. There are actual studies that you can look up yourself (because frankly, I’ve done it and think everyone should as well). 

Also, these are generalized statements. Meaning that like everything living, there are outliers or things outside the norm. 

10% of men have a female working brain and 20% of women have a male working brain…and lots of other combinations in between. 

The studies and research are meant on a majority-rule basis.

So go untangle your panties and boxers and read for fun. 

10. Multitasking: I don’t know another creature on this planet, let alone another gender, that can successfully talk on the phone, put on makeup, clip the cat’s nails, change a diaper and watch American Idol all at once. (Not that watching football and drinking a beer isn’t multitasking, but I think the previous gets more points for difficulty level.)

9. Shop therapy: Its been proven that an hour of shopping for things we don’t need with money we don’t have actually relaxes women and makes us less of an evil to deal with. Even during our periods! Go figure. 

8. Driving: I’m not sure I entirely agree on this but the proof is out there. Women are safer drivers. Get into less accidents and experience less road rage than men. It’s probably because we are too busy putting on makeup and texting while we mow over an entire village of farmer’s market shoppers. 

7. Balance: All I can say is, a man that can balance on heels should have been born with a vagina. Studies show that women have superior balance to men (outside of wearing pumps).

6. Grey Matter: While our brains are significantly smaller in size, studies show that women actually have more grey matter. Meaning we use more of our brain to actually do things and process more information than men. See, size doesn’t matter…..at least here.

5. Erogenous zones: This should be a win for the men, if only they would research it a little more. Women have nearly double the erogenous zones than men. (Before you go googling the zones: Erogenous zones are areas on the body of highly concentrated nerve endings that are tiny little arousal booths. You do the right thing to them, we melt, plain and simple.) Now, go, google away.

4. Pain Tolerance: I hope all the men I know can at least admit to this one. Women simply can take more pain than men. This is why we give birth. Although I’d love to see a man trying to squeeze out a watermelon out of his urethra, I think it’s better women keep that right to bring life into the world. 

3. Immune Systems: Women have stronger immune systems than men. Estrogen helps us keep a stronger defense system that prevents us from getting sick often. And if we do get sick, we get better faster. Somehow, I missed this train.

2. Crying: You know all those times you find us crying rivers and bitching to our friends? You should thank us for that and also take notes. Studies show that the act of crying (actual tears not just bitching and moaning) cleanses the body of toxins and also boosts mental states and releases stress. So, if you think we are crazy now, try not letting us cry that shit out every once in a while. I’m just saying.

1. IQ control: Yup there is an actual study showing that women are capable of lowering a man’s IQ between 10-15 points simply by looking sexy. A man truly is only capable of working one brain at a time, and while your manhood sucks all the blood from the rest of your body, you unintentionally go stupid for a period of time. You’re welcome.

Personally, I don’t relate to about 60% of those, but that’s because I’m a hybrid human known as the fifth element. Or version 2.0….or something.

Everything counts in small amount.

Jealousy is underrated.

Yeah I said it.

I think people take jealousy for a bad thing when, really, it should show you that somebody cares enough about you to think it’s not ok for someone else to try and piss on their tree.

I’m not talking about crazy bitches that hire private investigators to follow you around and see where you are 24/7. There’s no saving them.

I’m talking about people who are healthily concerned if you’re spending extra time with someone else.

Like everything else in life, jealousy should be handled in small doses and very carefully….otherwise you end up hiding in someone’s bushes waiting for coyotes to come nibble on your ass.

Help Yourself

I never quite understood why people read self-help books.

I've browsed one or 10 at the book store and all I got from it was that some jackass with an honorary PhD is selling a book on how to save a relationship when in real life he's been divorced 3 times. 

Lets face it, everyone needs help. And if you need so much help that you are reading those books, you should turn to professional help and not Oprah's book club. 

I haven't met a single person who turned their life around from reading some book. 

Instead of spending those $30 and however many hours reading it, get your ass in gear and do right.

I guarantee you, every single one of us knows right from wrong. We know what needs to be done to better our lives and to better ourselves somehow. 

Stop wasting your time (and the time of everyone else) by bullshitting and hiding behind endless pages of empty words.

Admit to your faults and shortcomings. Thats a clue: step one. 

Step two: stop being a selfish fuck and change. 

Step three: be better. Period. 

I'm so sick of people using self-help books as a crutch. People expect others to be understanding, accepting and accommodating to their "attempts" to better themselves through reading. A very slim percent of you actually put what you read into ACTIONS. 
Cliche or not but actions are far more vocal than anything anyone can ever promise to change. 

By no means am I going to have more respect for you and your asshole ways just because I see a tattered "how to be happy" book on your night stand. 

In fact, I'm likely to slap you across the head with the book. 

Trust me, you'll get more use out of it that way.

If you want inspiration, visit the Children's Hospital once in your life, adopt an abused animal, volunteer at a shelter or just simply visit your grandma for once. 

Battle of wills

Hot steamy bath. Epsom salt. Bubble bath fizzy bomb. Windows closed.

Let's get this sinus infection a swift kick in its gonads.

...followed by tea.

This massive nasal headache is going down.

If this doesnt work, then the zPack I'm about to get prescribed tomorrow will do the trick.
So sick of having these issues every time the seasons change.

Such is life.

To sleep I go.

Or not.

Ever get all dressed up and pretty and then change your mind about going out?

Ya.

Sometimes you just go with your gut and end up watching tv with full makeup and it's ok.

I think I'll walk instead...

As I sit here collecting loose change from inside my car and in my pockets and in my purse just so I can get a few gallons of gas to get to my required destinations... I come to realize how much I dislike Los Angeles...at least right this moment.

Unless you've invested in a spiffy bicycle or have hijacked a truck full of gasoline, you're likely in the same position.

Gas prices have been on the rise faster than my grandmother's blood pressure when I try to sit on "her" chair.

Now, I'm not overly political nor do I really care much about what political or made up battle is causing gas prices to sky rocket in the matter of days. What I know and care about is the fact that prices go wherever they want and we are shackled to them.
If you live in the Los Angeles area and don't work or go to school in downtown, you are S.O.L when it comes to alternative modes of transportation. We are too large of a city to walk, bike or shimmy to our destinations everyday.

If you opt for public transportation (i.e. Buses) you may as well send in your 2 week notice because you're going to be fired for being late anyway.
The bus systems here are about as reliable as Charlie Sheen's liver.

It takes 2 hours to travel pretty much anywhere within a 10 mile radius and costs half a gallon one way.

I realize that it takes lots of money and effort to maybe expand the Metro and subway systems, but I'd think it's worth a good college effort. No?

Remember the Hoover Dam? How the economy was in the dumps and a problem needed a solution? And thousands of people had jobs again?

Maybe we can take notes.

Put the 12% of unemployed people to work on expanding the Metro system and they just might start spending money again...on, you know, food and living and such.

I'm no politician or economist, I'm just a realist and this seems like it would make sense.....which is probably exactly why it hasn't been put into action.

It's a good thing I don't work at a gas station because chances are I'd be writing this from a jail cell, for stealing gas.