New Day

I know it sounds ridiculous but counting down the last few seconds of 2010 was like waiting to jump off a bridge attached to a bungee cord. Leaving the bullshit behind and jumping head first, lungs filled with anticipation of unknown and unchartered futures.

If I were indeed jumping, I'd have a huge smile on my face and two middle fingers pointing to the sky. I can't regret anything as long as I've learned at least some small lesson from it. Some lessons are hard to find in the midst of all the chaos but they are always there.

So long you lingering, painful, and selfish year. I've found a new, caring and supportive year that is promising nothing more than what I will work hard for. It won't stand in my way and throw monkey wrenches into my wheels.

Happy new beginnings my friends. Let's make this new decade count.

No resolutions. Just goals.

A new year and a new start

I don't think there is another person that I know who is more looking forward to putting 2010 behind them as I am. From the first day of this year, it has been nothing but a struggle in every way possible. I lost everything that is ME this year. But before I start sounding like an ungrateful brat, I will say that it's not all been bad. It's been hard....very hard, but the lessons I've learned and the things I've overcome have made me much stronger and made me grow a thicker skin in a lot of ways.

I lost my health completely this year but through tenacity, the will to keep going and one understanding doctor (out of a dozen), I finally got to the bottom of the issue and am on the road to slowly rebuilding my health.

I lost (through necessity) my job, which in turn made me focus more on my own business.

I lost who I thought was a best friend only to learn a life lesson of trust, forgiveness and acceptance. (still working on that last one)

I lost my goal to move to the east coast. Which forced me to start accepting my current city and actually start learning a little bit more history about it.

I lost 7 months of connection to the outside world by falling into a depression causing me to shut out almost my entire circle of friends. This only proved to me who my true friends were and also forced me to stay afloat and fight for life and existence. It forced me to start THIS....writing. My other passion in life.

Which brings me to my fresh start. I've decided to go back to school and get a journalism degree. My ultimate goal is to write for a magazine. At this point it doesn't matter which one...but in the end I would love to write for a music magazine.

I've realized that in the past I have done things that I was good at but they were things that satisfied and helped everyone but myself. Writing is something that feels good for me...for MY soul. There are endless topics, ideas and directions to take. Something that can't be said about sitting behind a desk 9 hours a day staring into a computer screen that flashes numbers, formulas and financial statements. Don't get me wrong, all that was fun and exciting to do because it came easy to me...but in the end, all I got was bad eye sight, headaches, bad posture and creative thoughts about how I'd push my boss down the stairs one of those glorious fire drill days. There's only so much frustration you can swallow and bribe with "bagel Fridays". Cubicle life is just not my cup of tea. I need movement, and fluidity to keep me sane and living. All that stagnation made me absolutely bonkers.

And so it is. As soon as CSUN decided to come back to life after the holidays, I am going in to see a councilor to plan my courses and financial situation (unless someone wants to sponsor Linda's attempt at happiness?). I'm scared of going back...which only means its the perfect decision in life right now.


Big things in store for 2011.

when you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry, you can always go....downtown

I've come to realize a few things lately:

1. I've lived in Los Angeles nearly 19 years and have never actually BEEN downtown. I don't mean driving by and parking your car in a lot across the Staples Center or a concert venue. I mean taking the metro and buses and walking around til your little toes are numb. It's like walking the Sunset Strip versus parking next to the Roxy and walking 3 feet to the door. It's incredible how much you see and how much you miss when you're driving.

2. I've been feeling a little but down and overwhelmed lately and realized how much I miss my stand in Grandfather, friend, mentor and voice of reason. Sy Sher. I crashed into his lap as a snotty teenager who knew far too much for my own age and didn't take anyone's bullshit nor listened to anyone's advice. He quickly read me like the open book that I am and put my ass in place. He has thus far been the only person not related to me whom I've listened to and trusted with my life and also allowed to tell me what to do and how to live life. I owe so many life experiences to him and so many life lessons.

3. I have an amazing best friend. Someone who truly understands me. Someone who is willing to be there when I blow a gasket and yell. Someone who isn't afraid to push my buttons. And most importantly, someone who laughs with me and wipes my tears. 

Today was my second day of attempting to accept Los Angeles the way it is and trying to get myself slightly more cultured in this ginormous city. First stop was at Mt. Sinai to have a brief but emotional chat with Sy to let him know how much I miss him and how much I wish he were here to see me grow from the snot nosed teenager he met and how much influence he had on me for who I've become...on every level. He assured me he's not left my side and told me to wipe my eyes and nose because when calling me a "snot nose" he didn't mean it literally. I miss his smile, his laugh and most of all his humor and sharp mind.

The rest of the day was spent roaming the streets of Downtown Los Angeles with my best friend. Splashing puddles, taking pictures, getting lost, reading Chinese, missing buses, circling the same block 4 times before realizing the bus stop was on the NEXT block, eating new foods, peeing in public toilets, crawling up steep streets and taking aerial tram rides.

I truly couldn't ask for a more perfect day.

My legs are like noodles, my brain is soaked in new appreciation for the city, and my soul is smiling.

You win this one, Los Angeles.

Confidential

As much as I keep this pretty open to the public as far as what goes through my mind on a daily basis, there are still some things that I simply can't share or just don't want to share for the sake of keeping some sort of sense of privacy.
That said, I did, in fact write today. A lot. A letter to someone. It's something I learned a long time ago in therapy. ( yes, therapy...because seriously, not a single one of us can claim to be perfectly happy with our lives without some kind of professional help along the way)

Anyway, I learned that when you are bogged down with an issue that either revolves around someone or is ABOUT someone, and you don't necessarily want to speak to them (and at times even if you do) you should sit down and write it all out. Addressed to them, as if they are sitting in front of you with nothing held back. Write it as if you will never send it to them and as if they will never hear it from you. You'll be pretty amazed at the amount of honesty, sincerity, and deep rooted thoughts that get regurgitated. It's one of the most therapeutic things I've ever learned how to do.

Sadly, after writing it, I still feel the need to send it to this person when I know there is absolutely zero use of doing so. I'll hang on to it for now. Usually I throw this away or delete it, but this one can linger for a bit until I decide if I need to send it.

Amazingly fun and spontaneous trip to the LA Zoo today with two fun souls.

Let's see what troubles tomorrow brings.

Nothing in life is free?

I may be revisiting this issue a bit, and it's probably because I will never really understand it. 

I come from a family that will literally take the shirt off their backs to help someone else and not want anything in return. Genuinely. I think a lot of people have trouble understanding that, let alone accepting it. 

Guys (you know who you are), I'm sorry to put you on the spot lol its a coincidence that I write about this today. 

A fairly new friend needed a ride to the airport today and I wasn't asked directly but I didn't think twice to offer a ride. It actually baffles me that not more people were there to help. Isn't friendship all about reliability and having someone beside family to count on in times of need? I would hate to have to take a cab or a shuttle to the airport in a city where I live and am surrounded by so called friends.

I know it's hard for most people to grasp, but I didn't step up so I can gain anything. It's probably plain out strange to people that someone you barely know takes you just because you needed to be taken and not for any other reason. I give you full permission to discuss the strangeness, but rest assured, there's nothing behind it aside from enjoying driving. 

I don't know. Some day I'll try to understand people's underlying motives for doing things and hopefully some day, others will understand that there are no motives for me. I just do what I can in hopes that when I need a friend, one will be there. 

Must be that time of year

Forgiveness showed it's ugly head again today. I'm so sick of feeling guilty for being hurt and pissed off at someone. I'm sick of the selective amnesia my brain seems to have when it comes to someone royally fucking me over and me completely forgetting about it soon after. I'm not saying I want to hold grudges (god knows I hold enough grudges with other people), but man does it suck to miss someone that shit on your head and hurt you so deeply. Instead of feeling proud for walking away and staying away, I get days like these where I feel so lost in it all and actually miss them. 

I guess I keep thinking that human nature can't possibly be that mean and it was all just a mistake. They have to feel the same, right? Or am I the only one feeling like a potentially great friendship went down the shitter? 

Fuck it. This too shall pass.

And then, Jesus was born. Happy birthday kid, it gets worse from here.

Sometimes all you need to relieve a little holiday stress is to send everyone off for a long drive, be left alone in the house, so you can clean and do 5 loads of laundry on Jesus' birthday. 

At least that's how I deal with it. 

I'll admit to the fact that up to about a year ago I wasn't one of the tidiest people you'll ever meet. I wasn't a slob, I just didn't always put things back where they belonged for a while. Something snapped in my head, or maybe I finally realized that girls aren't supposed to be messy, or maybe my best friend and my OCD finally made friends and turned on me all together. I don't care what it was but for about a year now, I simply can't stand a messy home. I actually get pleasure from cleaning the house and putting things back and seeing things get clean. There's an invisible weight sitting on my shoulders when something is out of place or things aren't where I want them to be. 

Anyway, today, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, and doing the laundry was the perfect way for me to spend my Christmas day. Honestly. 

Domestication is a strange thing to me. Before you know it, I'll be cooking full meals and changing diapers....wait...I do that already....well, maybe one day, for the happiness of my mother, they will be my kids. 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

And then, Jesus was born. Happy birthday kid, it gets worse from here.

Sometimes all you need to relieve a little holiday stress is to send everyone off for a long drive, be left alone in the house, so you can clean and do 5 loads of laundry on Jesus' birthday. 

At least that's how I deal with it. 

I'll admit to the fact that up to about a year ago I wasn't one of the tidiest people you'll ever meet. I wasn't a slob, I just didn't always put things back where they belonged for a while. Something snapped in my head, or maybe I finally realized that girls aren't supposed to be messy, or maybe my best friend and my OCD finally made friends and turned on me all together. I don't care what it was but for about a year now, I simply can't stand a messy home. I actually get pleasure from cleaning the house and putting things back and seeing things get clean. There's an invisible weight sitting on my shoulders when something is out of place or things aren't where I want them to be. 

Anyway, today, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, and doing the laundry was the perfect way for me to spend my Christmas day. Honestly. 

Domestication is a strange thing to me. Before you know it, I'll be cooking full meals and changing diapers....wait...I do that already....well, maybe one day, for the happiness of my mother, they will be my kids. 

Merry Christmas everyone. 

The chosen ones

It's true when they say that the best things in life are free. Like the family you're born into and the friends who become your chosen family. There isn't a dime you need to pay for true love, kindness and care. 

Through all the trials and tribulations, my family still makes me ridiculously happy. Seeing so many smiling faces of kids. Hearing endless laughter. Sweating bullets from dancing with our grandmother. Spending such irreplaceable moments with the closest of my family and my best friends....is all priceless. 

It leaves me with hope to know that, just maybe, I still make a good personality judgement call with at least one great friend. You are as much my family as any of my cousins, aunts, uncles, or nieces. 

Maybe I'm getting old and sappy, but I nearly had tears in my eyes tonight. My soul was smiling and my mind was happy and relaxed. 

Merry Christmas to my favorite humans in the world. 

Holiday Cheer

Ever stand in line at Ralph's at midnight on the night before Christmas eve with 30 other people in line just as annoyed that there is a line and only one register open and suddenly realize there's an extremely hot piece of ass in front of you, so you accidentally overhear his cell number (used as his club number) so you write it down and later text him to tell him that he's hot?

Ya, me neither.

Merry night before Christmas Eve day...

As you can see, there's not mushroom.

Some people are, what I like to call, mushrooms. No, not because they are poisonous. But because they seem to spring up after a good rain. And like the rain in Los angeles, it happens rarely and at random times.

I'm talking about those people that you talk to for periods of time and then stop for whatever reason. Then some time passes, you move on with life and sometimes even forget about them a little....and then WHAM! you have a missed call or a text message to your old phone number.

It's amusing to me. I'm allergic to mushrooms.

Short bus day

It was one of those days today. Ended by slight electricution when turnin off the Christmas lights. I'm pretty sure I didn't lose any important initiation...although while brushing my teeth I did drool more than usual.

I hope it rains this much for a few more months. Happy days.

Live, love and laugh your ass off.

Sometimes after working in the garage all day, cleaning the house and finishing the Christmas shopping, all you really need is a good hour of pure laughter with your best friend. 

All it took was looking at one photographer's portfolio and a tiny bit of sugar and presto! So many one liners on the caption game, that we couldn't even breathe enough in between to enjoy them all. 

Laugher cures all stress, people. At times it's hard to find things to laugh at in life, but then I just go to my local Starbucks and people watch. 

I'm off to eat another "snack bag" as it seems my metabolism has decided I need to eat every 2 hours or DIE. Good day.

Honest-ish

I think a lot of people confuse the words "honesty" and "truth" for the right to be brutal and downright hurtful without apparent boundaries. 

Claiming to be "honest" doesn't mean you get to throw things into people's faces. It also doesn't give you a freebie ticket to be mean. Honesty is being open with people and not playing games. It's being able to reach people with trust because you don't convolute things. 

Walking around with a self proclaimed "truth" badge doesn't at all mean you are an honest person. And while I'm on the subject, nobody should be able to call themselves "honest". Other people can claim you are honest, but anyone that says they are honest are usually lying right then and there. Because, in the words of Dr. Gregory House, "everybody lies". Even me. What I don't do is play games.

Correction

For the past few days I've been hooked on this show called "Lockup: Raw". I've always been a fan of any discovery channel or history channel show and this was no exception. Tonight there was a particular prison they covered called the Maricopa Correctional Facility. The sheriff in charge of this prison is scrutinized for the way he runs it because he put the inmates in pink underwear, striped uniforms, puts everyone on a chain gang, provides only 3 channels of television, and implements a system called the "tent city" where inmates live outside on bunks under tents. His newest idea was to put a stationary bike that powers the television in the tent city which plays any channel the inmates choose. To power it, someone has to turn the pedals constantly. What a concept, work for something you want in jail!

I can't say that I sympathize with inmates from the get go nor do I feel like the sheriff has gone overboard. Inmates are complaining that these conditions aren't humane or that it's not fair to them. Last time I checked prison wasn't designed as a resort and spa where you go to relax and spend your time in peace and comfort to think about what you've done wrong. These assholes spend small time under these tents while soldiers that SIGN UP to put their lives on the line for their nation, live in very similar conditions in foreign countries! You don't have television? You get crappy food? You have to wear pink underwear and clean up highways on a chain gang? Tough fucking balls for you buddy. Maybe next time you'll think of that pink underwear before you steal a car, sell a drug, hurt an innocent life or drive drunk.

Crime isn't your ticket to solitude and a "time out", you act stupid you get treated as an idiot. When are people going to face the consequences of their own actions!? 

Absolutely mind boggling. I want to shake that sheriff's hand and make him president! 

Productivity

Today I learned how to take apart a Honda engine, clean the heads, replace the valves and re-assemble everything...successfully, I may add. There's still a tiny leak. The search continues tomorrow. Once that's done it's on to doing a valve adjustment on the Acura. Maybe by the time I get my Cadillac back to Los Angeles, I'll be ready to fix that poor thing myself. 
I always knew I liked working on cars, but today was especially fun. Thanks to my brother for being patient and answering every time I said "what's this thingy do??", "Where's this go??", and my favorite "Uh oh, I think I forgot to attach that hose." 

Perfect rainy day. I wish it were like this every single day. Maybe it's time I break up with Los Angles too. 

Thoroughly exhausted. Up since 5:30, b-shot hurt extra hard today cos of the cold weather, working with a bum arm didn't help...all in all, it's nice to be physically tired like this. Can't complain. 

Grounded

Normally, on a night like tonight, I'd be starting trouble somewhere on the sunset strip. Instead, I spent half my day debating with myself whether or not this cough and irritating nasal congestion are bad enough to keep me indoors. 

Indeed they are. 

I'm pissed off that I'm home but in the end its better for me. Time for sleep. 

Tis the season

What is it that happens to people when they age? It seems that most people just get progressively dumber as they rack in those years. We start to over-think, rationalize stupidity, and lose all common sense. When we are kids we believe things that "seem" and FEEL right. As adults we go into a whirlwind of questions and doubts about the simplest decisions. Someone made such a brilliant point the other day: only adults get into a situation such as a credit card with 25% apr, knowingly. If you tell a kid you will give him candy but they will have to give you candy plus 25% on top of that back, they will look at you like you've lost your mind. 

We have, indeed, lost our minds. Lost what matters most. Lost a sense of right. Lost our basics. We have to keep it simple. All the bullshit that surrounds us is made for distraction and complicating our lives. Rid yourself of the superficial and air becomes easier to breathe. If you can't afford to buy everyone in your family Christmas presents, don't get yourself in credit card debt, or neglect necessities just because your pride won't let you be honest with everyone and with yourself. Your honesty and humbleness is gift enough. 

Just my two cents on de-stressing this holiday season. 

Getting our little tree tomorrow. I'm happy to have my family and small circle of friends to share this holiday season. 

Hot on the radar: JetStream

Due to a schedule conflict, I couldn't make JetStream's show at the Cat Club, but I did have spies show me a  a video or two.

Two things are certain about JetStream at the Cat Club:
1. The Cat Club either needs to expand their venue or turn down the amps just a notch...I'm pretty sure I ruptured an ear drum just watching the video.
2. JetStream has only gotten better since I saw them a year ago.

I have a hard time calling them "kids" simply because I think they rise heads above many "men" that are playing rockstar in their garage bands. These young MEN seem to have been born with their respective instruments in hands. I've never seen kids their age (and most adults) so comfortable playing guitar, or banging the hell out of the drums. Ben Zelico, the band's drummer is absolutely pulse stopping on drums. I know I've called a few drummers "Animal" but this kid....takes the cake! His solos never seize to amaze me and yet he never goes overboard! Cool headed and calm bass player, Kevin Grimmett, hails from a family of rock and has the support of fellow rock stars in the likes of Nikki Sixx. Not to be outdone, their lead singer/guitar player Garrette Zeile belts out covers that usually send chills down your spine because it sends you back to the original decade and you find yourself lost in the song all over again, only to wake up to a 16 year old singing!

I mean it when I say that these kids are a few levels above your regular group of barely teen bands. What's more impressive? They stay true to what they want. They refuse to succumb to the pressures of producers, managers and outside pressures to sound like anything but THEMSELVES. 

Their stage presence can't be taught or practiced, and neither can their sound. I genuinely feel honored to have actually met them last year and see such pure talent blossom. I truly hope Los Angeles removes the smoke screens and starts booking REAL talent like this in bigger, better venues! (Sorry Cat Club, your atmosphere is awesome but you may want to look into hiring the sound guy from the Viper Room...although you are still better than the oh-so-famous Roxy Theatre.) Maybe we can see them at the Key Club on the main stage headlining in a few months??

For now, you can come cure your New Year's Eve hangover and catch them at their residency in Agoura Hills at the Canyon Club on New Year's Day. Doors open at 6pm, show starts at 7pm.

The Block returns

My last premature promo for Gina and the Eastern Block was a false alarm (sincere apologies, I got too excited lol) THIS one isn't!

Ladies and gents, they are back with a show this Thursday in Hollywood.

Come join the festivities of Frankie and Tommy's Social Club at the Cat Club on Sunset. We are all using Christmas as an excuse to rock hard and party til we get thrown out for public nudity...at least I am. This place is hot and tiny, perfect for getting your ears molested by loud sounds of the newer, sexier industrial genre of Gina and her boys.

Cat Club
Thursday Dec 16th at 10:30pm
Be there.

TVMA

I am me. I'm funny. I'm prone to jealousy. I'm selfless. I can be the biggest bitch. I'm caring and giving. I have a short fuse. I'm the furthest thing from passive. I snap at times. I have my opinions and sometimes give them out without being asked for one. I have pet peeves. I listen. I'm argumentative. I get hurt easily. Sometimes I interrupt because I am impatient. I blame hormones for some things that have nothing to do with it. I'm moody. I put every single soul ahead of my own. The smallest things make me happy. I'm a giant child at heart. I curse like a fucking sailor and probably put some sailors to shame. I'm brutally honest even in times where all you need is a white lie. I judge sometimes. And sometimes I'm wrong. I trust my instincts and sometimes they are wrong. I've never learned how to walk away. I am me, and there isn't a fuck wad more I can offer to anyone or to me.

If I have a hard time accepting all this, then I can't blame anyone else for failing to accept me for me.

Life is one giant jig saw puzzle with a million pieces spread all around. Finding pieces that fit to make the whole picture right, is damn near impossible. But sometimes, you get a few pieces that make a big chunk so clear....and sometimes, you jam pieces into places you are certain they fit into, when clearly they don't. I play by my own rules and shove pieces where I see fit. Maybe it's time to stop jamming.

I just want one tiny part of the puzzle to have SOME clarity. One little chunk to help me see the entire picture. Takes patience and OCD. I have one of those down. Let's hope the picture is pretty at least.

Sold out

How is it that people who buy out all the tickets for small venue shows and then sell them for 400% profit, still alive and making a bunch of money?? 

Venues and promotors should really start monitoring this crap. I understand trying to make money however you can, but blatantly ripping people off by simply buying EVERYTHING before anyone else gets a chance is borderline criminal. Why not limit the amount of tickets one person can buy or make the tickets non-transferable?? 

No show at the Roxy is worth $75...not even a shirtless Dave Navarro. 

Hot red velvety goodness

Sometimes driving to Malibu for a cup of hot chocolate seems like a better idea than it actually is. Mainly because Malibu sucks and everything closes at 6pm. No worries, thought. Santa Monica came to the rescue with ONE open Coffee Bean...hot chocolate at last. 

And now it's sleep time. 

All day I've been wondering why I'm so tired, and then it hit me (2 minutes ago): I've been up and doing crap since 6:30am until about...2 minutes ago. 

Tired. 

Positivity

"If you don't like who you are, first change what you do."
I don't know who said this but it made me think the other day. I still don't think I fully understand it. I get the idea of maybe changing what you do for a living to change who you are. If you're stuck doing something you don't like doing or don't find fulfilling, it's amazing the change you'll see in yourself if you switch to something maybe less consuming and more fulfilling. 

I just wonder if it's a catch22. Do you do things because of who you are or are you who you are because of the things you do??

I know one thing for sure, you are what you think. If you think you're useless, chances are even if you're not actually useless, you will start doing less and less and eventually become useless. People often underestimate the power of mind over matter. Try waking up for one week telling yourself that every day is going to be a great day and you are happy...you'll see what a difference you'll feel by the end of the week. This has been the only thing that saved me from complete depression many times. Because in the end it's not the destination that matters, it's how much you enjoy and appreciate the journey of life. 

Now go, think positive. As dumb as it sounds, it works. 

Gina sans the Block

Minor change for the shows for the weekend:

The two kids for Friday's shows are staying the same, however I have been secretly informed that Gina's gig on Saturday is just Gina for a promo with a few dancers. No Eastern Boys. But we do get to see Gina in action, shakin her thang and that's all good with me!! Bring your girlfriend and/or your boyfriend and keep em close to your hip cos it's bound to get steamy up in that joint. 

Saturday night in WeHo? Bring it!

3 Shows not to miss!

Feeling like you need to get out more? Maybe you get out plenty but haven't seen a decent gig in a while? Well here are 3 shows you shouldn't miss this weekend. Do your ears a favor, grab some cash (trust me it'll still be cheaper than blowing a hundred at some Hollywood club/bar trying to hit on that chick at the bar who 1. Still won't know you exist 2. Probably doesn't even know SHE exists due to pure stupidity. 3. Probably really isn't real. She's either a hologram or is so pumped with Botox, she now winks with her lips. 

I digress.

Go ahead. Try these, if you don't like them, something is wrong with your hearing or your sense of good music is broken. Either way, you lose out.

So here it is:

JetStream 
Friday December 10th 
7:30pm
@ the Cat Club on Sunset Blvd

This is a group of kids (ya, kids. 16 yos) that absolutely blew my mind a year ago when I saw them rock the Sagebrush Cantina for a charity event. If you're into Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Hendrix and every other kind of rock awesomeness, this cup of tea is for you. Their stage presence and their raw talent will leave your jaw on the floor. Sill untainted by the music industry, I'd catch them now before someone tries to push them into some direction they don't want to go in. They are on early and usually have a short but jam packed set, so come support them and then roam the streets of Hollywood.

Camp Freddy
Friday December 10th
10:30ish pm
@ The Roxy Theatre on Sunset Blvd

Maybe instead of wandering the streets of Hollywood after the JetStream show, you should walk (carefully) to the Roxy for some...um...well, you'll see.
If you haven't seen or heard of Camp Freddy then all I need to say is two words: shirtless Dave Navarro (ok that's three words..but technically Dave is a who not a what...) anyway, you get the idea. 
I should probably also mention that it's a conglomeration of seeded musicians playing "jam session" and rocking out to what ever classic hit they feel like playing. Going to see these guys is like opening surprise Christmas presents from your rich uncle and aunt in Europe, you may not know what the hell is in each box but you're sure as hell gonna love it! Ladies, bring an extra pair of thongs if you're planning to stand anywhere near the stage..those ones you're wearing will be ruined one way or another by watching all kinds of sexiness playing musical instruments. Leave your dudes at home :)

Gina Katon and the Eastern Block
Saturday December 11th
11:00pm
@ The Eleven Club in West Hollywood

I actually got really excited when I heard she's doing a show again! After seeing her two weeks ago, I was crossing my fingers that it wouldn't take long to see this tiny package of hotness on stage again. Ever since I heard their set up, I've been singing "wiggle it" on a daily basis, trying not to break a hip by attempting the wiggle moves along with the singing. I've been known to hurt myself whilst giving sexiness a whirl. 
They are brand spanking (mm spanking) new and leave people absolutely mesmerized after each song. If you're somehow broken in the sexual department and are immune to tight little packages of hotness, then at least your ears will get aroused. Raw sounds of brilliant drums of Marc Jordan (I'll keep his sexiness to a quiet hush, because I don't want to get beat up by Gina ;)), the grittiness of guitar magic of Todd Weinstock (or as I like to call him "babyface") is the most refreshing combination in music I've heard in quite some time! Todd's playing style can only be compared to the likes of Jimmy Page...a la "Whole Lotta Love". Together, they blend into a hot mess of amazigness. Their short sets will leave you begging for "JUST ONE MORE, please!!!" 

So there they are. I'll be there. Will you?

Frustration

The Webster Dictionary definition of "frustration" is /b : a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs.

When a person is placed in a situation in life that seems to spin in place and grind gears without any significant result, frustration arises. Massive frustration. One of the most frustrating things is not even realizing what those needs are, therefore leaving you without a clue where to begin to fulfill them. You're stuck with the feeling of insecurity based on needs you never knew existed. 

I'm in this place right now. Stuck in a grind of stagnation. Wondering where to turn, what to do, what need to fulfill. I've lost myself. Lost what drives me. Lost my purpose in life. 

Where before I would sit and think until my frustration turned to tears, today I decided to use frustration as my fuel to get shit done. Start anywhere. Complete a thought or an idea that will fulfill SOME unknown need. 

I realize I've done things in the past few months to start a transformation to bring myself back to ME and it's a slow process. I'm one of the most impatient people I know, and the fact that it's a slow process compiles my frustration even further. Maybe this is the universe's way of teaching me patience. I respectfully accept your lessons and will do my best to take things one step at a time.

Tomorrows word: tenacity. 

All I want for Christmas is...

For just ONE of the posters on Craigslist that are selling drum sets, to actually respond...or at least be real.

I understand times are tough and stealing emails and phone numbers for spam on Craigslist is an easy way to go, but for fucks sake, can't at least ONE of these people be real? The whole point of a community based trading and selling site is to offer things to one another, not to spam.

*sigh* I just wanna bang on things and make noise. Maybe I'll start with trash cans.

What's it called when you can't remember things?

I realized today, my memory is not quite the same as it used to be. I used to literally remember EVERYTHING thrown my way. Now, I see that the sponge is full. I need to either purge some old info or figure out how to start remembering new crap. 

I woke up this morning (actually yesterday morning now) with such a great topic for a blog and I think I actually wrote it all out in my head...thinking I'll remember what it is later. Ya, no chance of that. I sat down to write tonight and after 20 minutes of looking at my screen decided it would be more fun to play a video game, or nap, or throw more things on the grill. 

Needless to say, I still have no idea what it was. From now on, I'll write it down when I think of it so I don't end up hurting my brain later :)

Bass Ackwards

Ever stop to think why people do things? What drives them? I know in general people have different motivations. I'm talking more about doing nice things. Do they do it out of honest kindness or just to satisfy some part of their own character. 
I don't think I've met too many people that do nice things for others just because it's the right thing to do. They do it because in their mind it's almost a bragging right of "see, I did something nice!" 
Donating, for example. When do people donate? Right before the tax year cut off. Why? Because they really want to get rid of that old washer and dryer that's been sitting in their garage for 3 years collecting dust and it could probably help a family in need? Or because it's a pretty good deduction on your taxes? Donate that old car to a foundation that fixes it and provides an automobile for huge families in need? Or get close to 2k written off? Bring an unwrapped toy to get a ticket inside a car show? How about you bring the toy AND you pay like you normally would. That same kid won't have a toy even if you don't like car shows. 

How about this new trend of posting a cartoon character from your childhood as your profile picture for a week to somehow battle child abuse?? What exactly are we battling? And how? I'm all for support but wouldn't "battling" be more productive if we tried to fix our court systems to take kids away from abusive parents instead of forcing a "dual" parenting concept that didn't work in the first place? How is giving custody to a deadbeat dad (partial or just visitation rights) conducive to a well rounded "family"?? You really think seeing your spawn for 3 hours a week is considered a "parent" figure? 
You are only prolonging the problem and quieting down your own guilt and conscious. How about instead of the court dates, you relinquish your rights as an asshole parent and give someone else a shot at being a parent for YOUR offspring? 
My point is, people are selfish by nature and it's sad. It's sad that superficial gestures are considered as kindness and REAL kindness is taken for weakness. 

Once again, ass backwards.

Weapons of mass destruction

People who pronounce the word "nuclear" as "nukular" should be bleached out of the human gene pool. Suggestion: start with Bush...W. Bush.

That is all.

Kanye's new fantasy

I had the misfortunate pleasure of listening to Kanye West's new album "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy", on the drive back from San Fran yesterday....

I'm not exactly sure where to begin. I'll start by saying that putting aside all his publicity stunts and hoopla, I absolutely loved his first album and his last album "808s". He had so much fight and passion on the first album. He had something to prove. He needed to breath through and he did so with astronomical success. The albums in-between fell short for me. It sounded like he was just riding the coat tails of his debut album and was simply "playing around" in the studio. The last album was the album released right after his mother's tragic death and it felt...REAL. It was emotion and a drum machine. That's it. I love every single song on that album. 

This album....is didn't only fall short, it is absolute CRAP! Every single song is about sex, strippers, prostitutes, drugs and "partying". Not a single song has a decent beat to cover up some of the worst lyrical work I've heard in my entire life. It almost seems like since the death of his mother, he has lost all concoction to the real world and was only being "respectful" (as much as Kanye West could ever be respectful) for the sake of his mother's dignity. Now that she's gone, he's like a loose dog humping everything and chasing cats down the street. 

The record (down to the cover) is absolutely disgusting. I wish I could actually RETURN the purchase. Deleting it doesn't seem like it will make it go away enough from my musical memory. I don't even want a refund. Just want to take away the "sales" marker on iTunes that will somehow accidentally put him ANYWHERE on the charts. 

Someone please quickly break the boy's heart or something so he can get back to writing amazing lyrics and decent beats! 

Living.

Every single one of us dies, but not every one lives. Time to step up and live.

I'll take tranny for 500, Alex.

Somewhere in the universe, someone, somehow wanted me to have a really crappy car day. A trip to San Francisco was in the plans to drop someone off and come back same day. I wasn't driving but we were to take my car so I thought I could chill in the car, there's no need to force myself to sleep when I couldn't seem to get to it last night. Finally I clocked out at 3 something am. At 6:15 my mom came to ask me to take her to work because her car wouldn't start. No questions asked. I got up and helped how I could. 

We were to get gas in the morning before the trip so I didn't bother getting gas the night before...of course there was zero time to spare now so i had to get on the road to get mom to work. Magically, my car's gas gauge went from 7 gallons to 1 gallon in the span of 25 minutes and 12 miles over the topanga canyon. Damn near running out of gas, we made it safely to work. No problems there. Mom had a ride home and her car's issue had been resolved before I even got back from taking her to work. 

No real issues getting to San Fran aside from the car smoking once and again from what we figured was oil burning off like every other cadi I know. 

We get back on the road to head home. There's more smoke. Hm. We hit a patch of traffic and the car goes from 3rd gear to first gear....and stays there. We pull off the freeway to a gas station to see WTF is going on. Popped the hood, duck under....some hose connected to the transmission has popped off and has been popped off for god knows how long and there is ZERO tranny fluid. We are fucked. We drove the car 400 miles on zero tranny fluid. Our only option is to turn and head back to Napa. Easier said than done. We are 60 miles away, stuck with one gear...the first one. Max speed is 26mph...35mph downhill. 

We limped the car nearly 40 miles until we realized we have to pay a toll on an upcoming bridge and we have no cash. No problem. If we could just find a liquor store, an ATM, a bank...anything?? Anything?! Nothing. FINALLY, after driving what seemed like every god damned hill in the bay area, we see a bank. Not our bank but who cares! I jump out, get cash, we put the car in drive....and it's not going...anywhere. We are officially...fucked. The transmission has left the building. Time for AAA. They only take an hour and a half to come save us....and it's only 36 degrees outside. No problem at all. 

So there it is. My car is trannyless (which sounds better than it should). We are still in Napa. No car to ride home in. It's freezing ass cold. And I'm laughing. Because there's nothing else to do. One way or another, it will all work itself out and we will get home tomorrow through some Craigslist magic. 

Good night everyone. I still love my Cadillac...even though it managed to leak all of it's transmission fluid all over Los Angeles. 

On a side note: I saw my first real prostitute in the middle of Oakland! It wasn't as glorious as I'd thought it would be. And there was no pimp. Greatly disappointed.

Transformed

In the last few years I've changed my taste in music so much and so drastically that it's made my head spin. I used to be glued to Power 106, reciting every single rap and hip hop lyric like I wrote the damn things. After finally realizing I wasn't black (in my defense, I do tan quite well in the summer), I shifted more into the mainstream alternative music. This was largely due to the clients I worked with. After realizing I like a little more girth to my music I turned more towards my way way younger days...heavier rock, classic rock, and even ventured as far as metal. I was now stuck on the Octane XM channel with Breaking Benjamins, Disturbed, Three Days Grace and Rammstein on heavy rotation. I don't want to say that I've strayed too far from those right now, but I'm finding myself digging for something else, something more.

More and more I'm throwing in industrial music and heavier trip hop mixed in with some dub step. I simply cannot get beats out of my head. Less about lyrics and more about getting my body and my ass moving.

Maybe in my old age I've re-kindled the desire to start dancing again. Not hip hop this time....dirtier, sharper, nasty trip hop....hm.

Gina and The Eastern Block

Another night of ears ringing (guess I haven't learned my lesson with ear plugs yet). 

This was quite possibly the best show I've seen in all of 2010. After spending the entire day contemplating going to the show, at 10:30 I finally decided I'll drag myself out. And I've never been happier that I forced myself out. 

We went to support a friend, Gina, in her debut solo project called "Gina and the eastern block". I had zero idea what this was about. This tiny firecracker hit the stage with a mic stand, a drummer, a guitar player stacked with guitar pedals to the ceiling..and a sample box. Simplicity. This trio made so much amazing noise that my jaw was ajar the entire 30 minute set. I was mesmerized by the drummer Mark (who has previously played with Mila Jovavich). I've never been one to stand at the front of the crowd and today I found myself there...being absolutely massaged from head to toe by earth shattering beats. I've been trying to figure out to what i can compare this style of music...and I really have nothing. The rawness of the drums coupled with the massively distorted guitar and gina's raspy voice...I can only say that I felt like I was transported to a small pub in London somewhere watching the best local talent rock the house. No words left. I walked out of the viper room still nodding my head to songs I just fell in love with...happier than I've been in a few months. Thank you Gina and you easy on the eyes eastern block boys. I'll be looking forward to the next show!

Basket Case

I feel like a basket of unfolded clean laundry today. All is good and clean...but it's still in a big messy pile. Precisely how my brain is. There are a million different thoughts and ideas running through my head and none are getting full attention. All I can think about is how much muscles hurt after the workout today. It was only two days skipped and  half a turkey eaten...did I get THAT used to working out every day? I don't know, but tiny little muscles hurt in between the usual hurting muscles. I'm starting to think that maybe I should get those toning shirts and pants and throw in the shoes for good measure...you know, to keep the body "working" while I walk to the kitchen for a snack. No? OK, fine.

The other thing on my mind was the complete ridiculousness of "black friday". I never understood it and I don't think I ever will. People waking up at the ass crack of the middle of the night to go stand in line to wait for a store to open at the ass crack of dawn to SHOP?! If someone actually gave me stuff for free...and threw in some cash on top, then I might consider getting up to shop that early. I despise "shopping". I must be missing some kind of chromosome. When I need something at the sore or, god forbid, the mall, I know what I need, know where to get it and how long it will take me to get the hell out of the store. There is no browsing and "shopping". I call it BUYING. The sole idea of walking around a mall "shopping" gives me anxiety. On a bright note, you could have played a full game of football on Ventura Blvd this morning. It was like a ghost town! The parking lot at the Topanga Mall? Not so much.

Hope you all had fun maxing out your credit cards for things people don't need and for that TV everyone keeps buying each year that is "OMG SO CHEAP ON BLACK FRIDAY!!!". How many TVs does one person need? Anyway. One day closer to my favorite Holiday. Tomorrow we may try to get the lights up....after doing the annual "after Turkey day face stuffing" get together.

Giving Thanks

I can't remember the last time I truly enjoyed thanksgiving this much. There wasn't a single soul that didn't belong although some family was missing and the void was definitely felt. Some just couldn't join us, others didn't have the option. I missed every single person that wasn't there. 

Today and every day I am thankful for the daily opportunity to be the best person I can be to those exact people. I'm thankful for a set of parents that although may not get along the best, will always get along enough to be MY parents. I'm thankful for a brother that cares and loves me more than any man I'll ever meet. I'm thankful for two hands full of souls that I proudly call my FAMILY. The crazy uncles that start arguments with everyone. The loving aunts whose hugs could cure diseases. The nieces and nephews that light up the room with smiles and silly stories. That cousins husbands nephews sister who we JUST met but already feel like we've known for years. My cousins that are all in their own way absolutely irreplaceable. 
I'm thankful for the moments spent on ATVs, horses, the open road, around the table, around the fireplace, on the floor laughing, telling jokes and poking fun. I'm thankful for the endless bank of memories that can never and will never be duplicated or replaced by any other.

Today, I'm also thankful for the opportunity to possibly adopt a baby girl kitten who was rescued by my uncle. She has, til now, lived in his barn. She's staying with me for the first time, cuddled up cozy in bed. I'm hoping my kibby let's her into our home with open paws...so far just growling and hissing at one another, but I'm hopeful. 

Last and certainly never least, I'm thankful for my best friend. To whom I publicly profess my love, because without you, I'm not sure where I would be. You've been my rock, my safety net, and the one and only soul that's understood me through the worst of me. Thank you, from the bottom of my frozen little heart. 

Amazing holiday. Thank god for the two photographers today otherwise I'd think it was all one big dream. 

Smells like the holidays are here

I am entirely too awake for 3am. I think sleeping til noon this "morning" didn't help matters. I couldn't get up any earlier because when I opened my eyes at my usual 8am, I felt like someone put crazy glue in my eyes and ran my body over with a cement roller. So I listened to my body and stayed put. After finally rolling out of bed it was time to get cooking on some of the thanksgiving dishes. Last trip to the store to pick up the ingredients for the home made corn bread and some wine, and we were ready to roll. 

I'm not much of a "house-broken" wife kind, but there are certain times where I can't help but be super domestic. I got slightly discouraged from cooking in my last relationship because my ex insisted on ALWAYS being right and starting fights over ridiculous shit that never mattered...like if the oil needs to go in a cold pan or a hot pan...I digress. Point is, it's taken me nearly 4 years to get back to ENJOYING cooking. 

So there it was, Terminator 2 on tv, best friend sitting at the bar cursing at the computer as she works on her photography, the "kids" sitting just next to anywhere I stood in the kitchen just in case I dropped anything they could vacuum up, and me...covered in flour, making the corn bread, the marshmallow yams and my favorite: dual colored jello cups! It wasn't so much the final products that made the night, as it was the process and the amazing smells making us drool the entire day. 

Can't wait to go to the ranch tomorrow and eat for hours, ride horses, ride bikes, grill something (anything), test the hammock, eat some more and enjoy the best things in life...family and the best of friends anyone can wish for and receive. 

It's Tricky...tricky...tricky...TRICKEAAYYY

Today I did something that I haven't done in a good 5 or 6 years....(the pause was for you to come up with something totally inappropriate yet funny)...played a video game. 

I used to stay up for hours til my thumbs were numb and all the food in the refrigerator was eaten. The endless nights of Grand Theft Auto, staying up til 5 in the morning, throwing things at the tv, yelling at the tv, throwing the remote, walking away, then coming back for 4 more hours. How about the days spent with the boys playing SSX Tricky, and kicking all their asses. Making a personal mission out of NBA Ballers. Challenging people in NFL Blitz. I was never into the other games. Sports and car games always kept enough of my attention. 

All day I had the urge to dust off my PS2 (ya I don't bother with the fancy new machines). I finally found all the cables and remotes...then realized I left all my favorite games to my ex in the divorce (I mean that jokingly...because if there was actually a divorce the games and our pet hamster would have been the only two things I'd be fighting for).

So I ventured out to Gamestop...half an hour and $20 later, I had a bag of 6 of my favorite games and a giant smile on my face.  I was like a kid on Christmas morning. I sat for a few hours playing SSX Tricky until my thumbs got sore and I must admit, I think I still remember the entire game. I like this better than watching stupid television programs to relax my brain and shut off for a little bit. 

Sometimes it's the trivial things in life that make you happy. 

And they've done it again

 Just when I thought they couldn't come up with anything more ridiculous than those ugly "toning" shoes....they go and throw a curve ball...toning shirts and pants. Really??


I'll be honest, some days I hate working out and have to literally drag my ass to SOME kind of field to run and do my routine. I'd love to put on a shirt and pants that do the work FOR me. But, really, do you think a few strategically placed elastic bands will do anything except leave crop circles on my skin??

I get it, working out blows. But come on. 

All fee'd out

Here's a little story about me having exactly $4 in cash and going in to a CVS to buy a case if water.

I walk in, and there it is. $3.88 with the CVS rewards card. Sweet. I bring the heavy ass pack to the register, swipe my rewards card, she rings me up and says "that's $5.08, please" to which I look at her...look back at the display of water with the sign as big as half my body that clearly reads "24 pack water $3.88" and then look at her and back at the sign...I do this until she realizes I mean "ummm hello?? I am reading that correctly, right? Did my card not go through?" She looks at me like I just had a space ship land on my head and goes "no, it went through, but you know there's a "convenience bottle" charge...it's $1.20". 

Nevermind the fact that I had to go to the car and get my wallet to pay with my card because, fuck me for wanting to actually use cash for once...and I only happened to have the $4.00 in my pocket. 

First of all, since when does having a bottle come with your purchased water a "convenience"?! Isn't the whole purpose of buying bottled water to have a BOTTLE of water?! Is there an option in buying my water and placing it straight into my body or maybe stashing some in my purse for later? Oh wait...that's called a water fountain! I'm PAYING for the BOTTLE in the first place! What the fuck am I paying a $1.20 for??

Why is this country plagued with fees for crap? Fees for things you'd never even come up with if you carried on a sober life. I'm gonna start charging people around me for the air I'm "conveniently" letting them breathe. Or how about renting out that lane you're in because hey what if I want to be in it at the same time and you're already in it? 

Next time, can I bring my own bottle container to CVS and just buy the $3.88 worth of liquid please? 

Retarded. That is the only word I have for this country's obsession with playing "let's charge fees and not tell anyone about them..nor give them a choice out". 

Time to switch to keeping my money under my mattress and getting water at the nearby well.

Close, but no tattoo.

I didn't forget to write a blog last night, I was just busy having one of the craziest nights ever. In some ways it was fun in others it was the furthest from fun. Details will be spared. 

I came from an art gallery with free small tattoos offered for free...without a tattoo. This alone qualifies the night as a success. I'll leave it at that. 

Back to regular programming later tonight with today's blog.

Cavity Search

There has been so much chaos raised about the "new" TSA security standards. I find it funny that 1. people are actually complaining about HEIGHTENED security and 2. that they feel its somehow a violation of their rights to be searched.

Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just the wrong demographic, but I've never had a problem being searched at the airport. And, yes, I have been searched....a few times. One look at my last name and I'm looked at like some kind of a spy in disguise. Anyway, the times that I do get searched and I see others searched it actually makes me feel a lot more comfortable knowing that the TSA is at least TRYING to stay ahead of any attempts at terrorism or random acts of stupidity. It takes 15 minutes and a free light-heavy petting massage but it can potentially catch someone trying to sneak something in. And yes, they do need to check UP your thigh and any other area where any person with a slightly higher IQ would try to stash something.

Seriously, what is the huge deal?? Wouldn't you rather let them do their job than go down in a fiery flame into a few high rise buildings because Ahmed next to you refused a pat-down!?

Don't get me wrong, I do think the TSA is panicky and tend to overboard on a few things like not letting me take my eczema lotion on board because it exceeds the 4oz rule and doesn't qualify as a life dependent medication...but in the same token, they are just trying to stay ahead of the people who ARE trying to sneak potentially threatening objects.

It's a nervous time of the year to travel and everyone wants to get to their destinations on time...and safely. So let them do their jobs and take it easier...makes everyone's day go by nicer and faster.

Life pause

Reflections. Decompression. And a day of quiet. Too much going on in the noggin to be able to write anything coherent. 

Inner...peace?

I just figured out why I'm more angry than "some" people. I don't blame anything on everyone else, I accept my mistakes and my stupidity as my own fuck ups. People who find "peace within themselves" are just a bunch of hypocritical lying sacks of shit that push blame on anyone but themselves. It angers me that not only do I take on the responsibility of my failures but I am also used as a scapegoat by those same assholes. Here's a big middle finger to you self entitled, meditating, pretentious, arrogant, self centered scum. 
I may be "angry at the world" because i don't understand a lot of whats happening, but at least I know when I fuck up all I need to do is fix it. And when I fix it, I can sleep at night. Eventually, pushed blame makes a full circle and comes right back to you. Karma is a heavy bitch that hits thrice as hard as you dish out. 

I no longer give a crap if I lose fiends by not allowing people to step all over me. In fact, if you are offended by me telling people to step off, you are not a friend. I'm perfectly satisfied having 2-3 true people in my life that UNDERSTAND me and know who I am and how I am to TRUE friends. My personality has sadly left me confused about the authenticity of people and the sincerity of their intents. My emotional self preservation is kicked into high gear. I no longer give a crap about anyone else's feelings and opinions of me except my family and the VERY few true friends I've managed to keep through a very hard battle of trust. Either prove your worth and sincerity or piss off.

Probably the harshest anyone will hear me speak. But...enough is enough.

Speak into my good ear

My ears are still ringing, feet and legs hurting, I see little dots in my eyes from the lights....it must have been a good night. 

Indeed it was. Finally dragged my ass out to see a show at the Roxy. Went to see my favorite thunder from down under boys, Juke Kartel. The boys delivered and put a smile on my face. Although I think Tobes may be fighting a cold or something cos the poor guy was spraying throat coat like it was going out of style tonight. And Tommy seemed to be in outer space thinking about everything but the gig? I totally feel you on that dude. The day was a rough one and it took everything I had to stay awake enough to get to the venue. 

It turned out the main course that night was a "band" called Street Drum Corps. It resembled STOMP, so I just HAD to see what it was all about. Now, before I get to them...I have to explain what we had to endure before SDC hit the stage. I don't know if any of you are familiar with Cisco Adler? Anyway, I didn't know who the fuck he was and don't really care to know. This douchebag and his jewfro friends took 45 minutes to set up a fucking conglomeration of synths, macs, sample machines, guitars, drums, widgets, hobbits and everything else not screwed down at the Roxy theatre! Alas, the Pigeons (yes, that's really the name of the band) took the stage. From the first note I'd wished someone would hit them in the face and drag them away into the wilderness to be buried in a shallow grave. How bands like this ever make a spot on ANY bill, is mind boggling to me. I can't even describe the "music". Total crap...doesn't even begin to describe it. After being molested in my ears and eyes for the LONGEST 20 minutes of my life, I was ready to help them off the stage...by throwing all their "gear" to the curb and giving it away to the less fortunate...(although I highly doubt there is anyone less fortunately completely and utterly un-talented). If the three douchkateers weren't enough, this posse of dumb, shrieking bitches they call "fans" (all 4 of them...I guess one skips a ride every time) were inches and seconds away from being curbed..by me. Sadly, I think their fake boobs would absorb all the impact and their plastic faces would stay intact. 

Anyway. Another 25 minutes after they disassembled their set and SDC was making me happy. Their set up is simple: drums, trash cans, pots and pans, car parts, bongos, and anything else that makes noise. The drums and bass were reverbing in every single blood cell in my body. If you didn't nod your head to at least one beat...you're either deaf or a member of the pigeons.
It's entirely too bad the Roxy has quite possibly the worst sound system and an even crappier sound guy, because they managed to fuck up the song that Tommy Lee joined on. 

All in all, great night for music....if I could just somehow erase that hour and a half of ass raping by...the pigeons. Now I have to go research who the hell this jackass is and how anyone in their right mind gave them even a second on any stage. Dear God. 

That is all. 

Note to self: WEAR EARPLUGS!!


 

I'm not gonna write you a love song...

I'll start by saying that I'm in no desperation for a relationship or even companionship. I've actually done quite well by myself and finally taking the time to do things for ME and focus on being healthy and happy. I realize I can't be happy WITH someone if I can't be happy with myself. This being said, I got quite bitter when I heard a love song on the radio today. At least I think it was bitterness. I actually said out loud "Oh GOD" and rolled my eyes when I heard it. Now this either means I'm not as much of a softie as I thought I was, or I am in fact bitter. I feel it's more the lacking sensitivity in recent months, but I could be wrong. Maybe it's the holiday season and upcoming rain and the desire to constantly cuddle with something.

Either way, this song made me cringe and made me want to slap lovey dovey couples across their silly faces.

Surface

I've been writing things that I call "surface" for a few days, only because I've been keeping really busy with getting the house finally finished and cozy enough to satisfy my Cancerian self. Not too many "deep" thoughts go through your head when you are sanding down doors, staining tables, hanging and re-hanging curtains...unless you consider "ok let's try not to cut anything off from the body", a deep thought. 

"Surface" writing, I think, is a good way to keep a momentum of writing without bogging myself down with super emotional and close to heart topics. 

Today's thought: how much I dislike super brightly lit places. I completely understand the necessity of properly lighting a room for functionality...like when you need to perform surgeries...or do some needle point work... Why in the name of all things cozy do people light their rooms with three 100watt light bulbs?? It seriously makes my skin twitch and burns my retinas. 

Look into some 40watt bulbs and please investigate the use of candles. Your wallet can thank me later.

Homeness

You know how you know that you're an adult? (aside from the fact that you finally no longer get carded for R rated movies) 

Spending a day running errands and going to home, hardware, and garden stores. Working on a room all day. Hanging new curtains. Working in the back yard. Grilling up some ribs and veggies and sitting outside at the picnic table with your parents....
....actually constitutes a good and FUN day. I don't know what happened but from 9am til about 11pm I didn't once sit and do nothing today. And it felt nice. 

I suppose this is a good thing seeing as how I've never really been too much of a clubber or a partyer. 

Feeding the homey Cancer makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Drexting

A young girl was killed by a hit and run accident in front of the Roxy on Wednesday. A dark gray Bentley hit her while she was crossing at an intersection, throwing her 50 feet from impact, and fled the scene. He parked the car a mile away from the incident, removed the plates and left the car there overnight. He later turned himself in (attorney in hand). Charges are pending.

More and more people are being struck and killed by vehicles. With such a huge explosion in popularity of smart phones, I believe it's texting that is to blame. Rather the driver is to blame but the current addiction of distraction is texting. It's incredible to see how many people do the same dance of trying to answer texts while attempting to cohesively drive a vehicle. They are steering with their phones and typing at their steering wheels. 

I know Oprah made a huge deal out of this before asking people to take a pledge to stop texting while driving, but seriously folks...what text message is worth someone's life?? And why does Oprah need to be the one that opens your eyes? People can't even grasp the concept of a clutch and stick shift, let alone typing and splitting attention to your phone. 

Put that thing in your pocket or purse and let it do what it does until you get to your destination. No place is safe on the road because of this. People are getting murdered at green lights at crosswalks and intersections! 

Losing someone recently to vehicular man slaughter makes this a really sensitive subject. Please PLEASE save lives and answer phones and texts when you aren't on the road.

Yaaa, I'm gonna have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday...

People who call subordinates and coworkers "honey", "buddy", and "sweetie" in a passive aggressive manner should be kicked swiftly in their respective genital areas. 

That is all. 

Why diets fail

Like many of us, I've tried a few diets in my life and failed miserably. I may not seem like I need to lose weight to the regular eye, but there have been times where I felt extra fluffy and just needed to eat BETTER. I don't know the exact statistics on the successes of diets but I'm fairly certain that less than 5% of all diets are actually successful. In dating a physical trainer for nearly 5 years there's one thing I learned (well, there's a lot more I learned but for the sake of time...) diets, for the most part, fail because it is too much of a drastic change for people to accept into their normal routine. You're not just changing eating habits, you're trying to change shopping habits, spending habits and acquired tastes. For someone who eats 8 times a day and doesn't distinguish between something healthy and unhealthy, it will be quite a challenge to go to eating 3 balanced, healthy meals. It makes me cringe when I see people who are used to eating McDonalds every day, go to eating salads. If you don't see the red flag there, you need to make an appointment with a nutritionist as soon as possible. You won't stick to it and you'll end up more upset that you failed yet another diet. (of course there are exceptions to every situation, some people really can do it, and more power to them!) 
In starting to work out again recently, I've also made it a point to adjust my eating habits. I know myself and I know my body. There are certain things I will never be able to change. For instance, no matter what I do, my metabolism burns everything I eat before 9pm and by 10pm I am plain out STARVING. Instead of starting a diet and not eating after 8pm, like I used to think was the right way to go, I simply adjust my late night snack from chips to carrots. 

My point being, diets fail because people take leaps instead of baby steps. Nothing gets accomplished (health wise) if you jump into something you are almost certainly going to quit. Moderation is the biggest key. I love chips. I still eat chips. Except now, instead of eating a small bag and chasing it down with a sprite, I'll eat a handful and drink water or tea. Instead of eating a loaded baked potato, I'll eat a plain baked potato or put just a tad of sour cream. 
I know if I take everything I'm used to away and replace it with things I don't normally like to eat, I'll be unhappy, hungry, and eventually quit the diet all together. 

Just a tip. Moderate rather than throwing yourself into starvation :)

Networking?

I watched the Facebook movie tonight and the first thing I wanted to do was go on facebook and bash Mark whatshisname. I sincerely hope he was somehow involved in making this movie and this was the "muted" down version of himself...because boy did he come out as the biggest douche nozzle to ever crawl this earth. Then I thought a little deeper....not only am I always ON facebook supporting this asswipe, but I would also be bashing him on HIS billion dollar creation. I then thought about re-instating my myspace account just to pull off a huge middle finger to him...and then I realized none of it matter.

I'm only this upset because 1. I realize he is the poster child for all that is wrong with this country. and 2. I am immensely jealous of not being like him.

I'll explain both.

1. The entire basis of the freedom of "enterprise" in the united states of bullshit, is the capacity of each individual to step on as many heads and toes to get themselves ahead of someone else to succeed. People will literally fuck their best friends and family just so they can be ahead. They lie, cheat, steal and throw one another under the bus just so they are the ones with the money. Firstly, I have never in my life been able to step behind someone or around someone to make sure I win in the end and who gives a fuck where that person ends up. Secondly, I can't even steal an extra sheet of toilet paper at the public bathroom if my life depended on it. I may have gypsy blood, but it seems to have all gone to the purpose of walking around barefoot and collecting random objects like rocks at various beaches. It absolutely SICKENS me to know that I can't be successful in this country unless I figure out a way to steal, cheat or betray someone. I have ideas, I have plans, I have million dollar concepts that I want to share with people and make them WORK...but I can't because of fear that I will end up screwed because I TRUST someone. Because of this movie I now have to act on some "intellectual property" that I've shared with people in good faith...now I fear they will use the idea and profit from it without even acknowledging my input on it.

2. For the same reason of not ever being someone that can cheat, or steal or step on anyone's head to get ahead in life, I fear that I won't have MY chance at making money from the ideas that I have. I am, in fact, completely jealous that people seem to lack a conscious. This guy absolutely believed he did NOTHING wrong...he STOLE someone's idea and made BILLIONS...not millions...BILLIONS on it. His price? 56million to shut them up for life. Just like they say...in proportion to his worth, 56 million is a speeding ticket. I would love to shit on someone's head, give them 56 million to shut up and keep the rest of my BILLIONS and wallow how nobody seems to like me...and boo fucking hoo, the girl who had enough balls to tell me off before I was a billionaire STILL thinks I'm a royal asshole. She bruised his ego by seeing right through him and his lack of humanity. Sadly, no amount of zeros in your bank account can buy you REAL friends, love, or a personality someone actually likes.

I sincerely hope he uses the money wisely and gives back to society SOME how. I also sincerely hope he is sterile. There is no need for any more greedy little bastards in this country.

Never been a patriot to this country, and this certainly doesn't help the matter. What else do I expect from a country who voted for a coke addicted alcoholic for president....TWICE. Fucking joke.

Grilled. Just how I like my hands.

First day back to working out went incredibly well. I'm not as out of shape as I thought I would be after almost a year of being out of commission. No muscle aches (yet), the routine went smoothly and I actually want to do MORE...which is better than being annoyed and not wanting to ever come back to it. 

Found a doggy at the park and returned it safely to it's owner. Panda, the mutt, was happy to see her daddy's car come to the rescue. 

After a day of errands it was time to do grill night...all was well until I decided to utilize the tongs as a holding device for the grate...which was nicely oiled in preparation for the peppers I was about to murder on it...and so tongs are not a good way to hold up the grill while it's scorching hot. It slipped right onto my forearm. Which would have been fine had it no been oiled..ad the oil is what did the trick of burning a nice grill pattern on my hand and forearm. I'm guessing second degree burns along with small spots of third degree bubbles. My worried mother would probably send me to the emergency room..but I'm gonna go ahead and save myself a couple hundred and see if it's still this painful in the morning and go to a regular appointment if it persists. I'm no stranger to burns. I've got it cleaned, burn cream and gauze wrapped. Should be all good. The stinging could let up just a bit, though. That's just annoying.

Food turned out amazing!

So there it is. 

Tomorrow we play some hoops for the workout. 

Censored

For a country that has the right for freedom of speech, there is certainly a lot of restriction put upon us to actually speak freely. 

People hold back saying what they actually want to say because of fears. Fear of being called a racist. Fear of not being a patriot. Fear of hurting peoples feelings. Fear of being judged. Fear of someone else using their right for free speech to hurt them in some way. So we censor. We are censored. 

No matter how much I want to say in my daily blogs, I hold back on so much of my true feelings about certain things and certain people. I not only censor what I write, I censor what I think about things. It drives me absolutely crazy that I am this person. The person who buries true feelings because of fears. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, maybe it's just manners. Whichever it is, I will never be 100% ME to anyone, through my blog or through any form of expression. There will always be a part of me that nobody will ever know. A secret. A feeling. A thought. Because if just one person knows me 100%...then what will be left of ME, for ME? 

I confide in a few people and even they know just the majority, not the whole. Because, somehow, that makes me feel safe from being hurt. 

Maybe it's right, or probably wrong, but it gets me through the days. 

Day by day

Today is one of those days where I have a lot on my mind but either can't seem to put it into words or just don't feel like talking about any of it. 

I've been compiling a work out routine for myself to start next week. Something I can adhere to and try not to abandon. When I'm not feeling the greatest I tend to get lazy and run away from workouts that kick my ass on first try. 

Gonna start off slowly and get back into my normal 45 minute daily routine.

On a not so happy note: I seem to have bruised a rib somehow whilst moving some really heavy crap around. Hurts to breathe in but not enough to keep me from doing a whole bunch of things around the house.

On a happy note: I restocked on my favorite candles today. That simple fact makes me ridiculously happy. 

Feelin a bit run over tonight. Calling it a night. 

10 years ago

Remember when you're in high school and in your senior year of English class your teachers ask you to write about where you see yourself in 10 years?

Right now would be that 10 year mark and I must say, I am far from the person I pictured myself to be 10 years ago. Not in any bad way, I'm just nothing like the person I thought I would be. I thought for sure I'd be married with a few kids. I never thought that at 28, I wouldn't feel "ready" to be a parent. It seemed like such a long time from 28 back then. I thought it was enough time to take over the world!

It amazes me how much my interests, tastes and general outlook on life have changed since my senior year of high school. In college I changed majors 3 times. Having picked business as my major, I now wonder if I cut myself short of a much more interesting career choice. I started off wanting to be a forensic investigator, then switched to biology, and crashed into the business program with ease. 

Although business seems like a steady and secure field of study, I often regret not finishing the forensic studies. I'm absolutely fascinated by the line of work. And biology...well, that just came easy to me. I have an incredible ability to remember things in lectures without even taking notes, and absorbing material was always a breeze for me. I literally could read a page, close my eyes and recite the entire thing back to you.

Who knows, maybe it's not too late to apply my real interests and pursue a degree in forensics or figure something out with biology. 

Just a thought...

Let's put that here...wait no...move it back...try this here...

I don't know if its the 100 degree weather in the middle of what SHOULD be winter, but I am just absolutely beat today. It seems like a lot of people slept really poorly last night. Myself not excluded. I spent the entire day dragging my ass to do what I needed to get done and in the end found myself face down on my bed not being able to move a single muscle.

As much as it is fun to constantly change things in your house and room, it is also really exhausting. I hope I settle on the room arrangement soon because I'm running out of fuel to move the heavy crap around!

On a much more productive note, I'm starting my workout routine next week, and I'm really happy and excited about it. Also, tomorrow the Woodland Hills Ice Rink opens for the season and I cannot WAIT to strap on my skates and get back on the ice. I'm expecting lots of ass bruises along with a few kids being completely ran over with my always-rusty stopping skills. One day, I'll conquer the ever so cool looking snow stop....til then, lock up your kids, there's a 120lbs freight train on the loose! :)

Serenity

Sometimes life throws lemons your way, sometimes it throws obstacles, and other times it throws shitty people in your general direction. 

I'm first to admit that many times in the past I've let all those things get to me and bring me down. I've also come to realize those things don't define ME as a person, therefore it's stupid to dwell on them. If there is something I can do to change a situation, that's the only time my efforts and determination matter. There is no sense in trying to fight off something that is unchangeable. You either accept it or move on from it. When it comes to people in your life there is absolutely no sense in trying to make anyone see things your way, or trying to change anything. People are the way they are. They will either accept you for you and try to understand you...or they won't. Period. It's a sad fact because my entire life I've done everything to give people a million chances to be a friend. Forgiving and forgetting shitty things said and done...only to be used and abused in return. I'm not saying I'm changing who I am, but the chances to fuck me over and move on are far less available to people now. It's better for me and in the end it's better for everyone. 

I revert to the all known prayer: "...grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
The courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference." 

I have the serenity to accept things, I have the courage to change the things I can...all I need now is the wisdom.

Types of Stereos

I find it funny that people are offended by stereotypes. By definition a stereotype in sociology is \ . "a simplified and standardized conception or image invested with special meaning and held in common by members of a group". Stereotypes are there for a reason. Ideas and concepts about certain groups don't just pop out of nowhere and without previous example. Russians drink Vodka....in fact they really do....a lot of it. Italians talk with their hands....they most certainly do. Black people like watermelon and chicken? You tell me. When a black kid makes a youtube video proclaiming how much he loves chicken, it only feeds the stereotype further. And really what the hell is so wrong with saying that?? 


People are so stuck on racism and prejudice that any "majority" rule gets taken with such offense. Nobody is saying that ALL Russians drink Vodka til their liver cries for help, or that ALL black people can't live one day without fried chicken and watermelon! It's a matter of majority...and people really need to calm down with the defenses. 


I'll say this much, if you don't like a certain stereotype you've been placed into, become a contradiction...an outlier to the norm. I'm Russian, and I can't stand alcohol, let alone Vodka. So the first thing people say when they find out I'm Russian is "oh cool! you must drink tons of Vodka". No, I don't, but some of my family members sure do cover that stereotype FOR me! You don't see me getting my panties into a twist over it.


Go out, be free. Live up to your cookie cutter, or be the dough that's outside the cutter. Whatever you do, just be YOU.

One for the books

Here's a stat sheet for the day:

1 crack on the noggin from the truck lid
1 busted knee
1 minor electricution
1 iPhone in the toilet
1 massive headache from heat exhaustion/dehydration

I'm glad this day is over. I'm pretty sure I was on a mission to get killed. I've successfully wrapped myself in bubble wrap and crawled into bed. Tomorrow, please.

Inception

I want to preface by saying that I'm writing this at 6:00am after a full night of insomnia on a day where I was falling asleep and couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life. I hit these bouts of sleeplessness and sometimes my brain decides to have fun with me by trowing out completely random and obnoxious thoughts. So here it goes...at the risk of sounding completely bonkers...take nothing I write for face value because most likely I won't even remember writing this after I finally sleep:

Have you ever pondered the idea that maybe the reality we live is just our subconscious? That in fact our conscious is something other than what we see as reality...maybe we don't actually physically exist and the reality we live is just a figment of our minds or souls. Maybe what we experience are just moments of memories in our souls floating along until we find another body to occupy. What if the reason some things that SHOULD make sense, don't because they aren't real. 

I remember watching "a Beautiful mind" and being absolutely blown away by the idea that this man lived his life thinking he had those people in his life...and in the end...in reality, he was completely alone. Granted he was clinically crazy, but it's the same idea. We live life surrounded by family and friends and memories and activities...who's to say they are in fact...LIFE. 

Another way to think of it is kind of like the Matrix...maybe we took the blue pill? Would certainly explain Deja Vu! Because I swear some days I feel like I wake up knowing a whole lot more crap than I did the night before! Maybe the insomnia is what I feel while another program is being uploaded into my brain. I should ask to be uploaded with some mixed martial arts program..see if I can tackle Neo in the next fight.

I should really stop watching those kinds of movies. Clearly my brain takes them too seriously. 

And so it is...this is where my brain goes at 6:00am. Don't mind it. I'm sure sleep will make everything normal again. 

P.S. It's now midnight the next night, I JUST watched Inception and I am now fully afraid of my mind. Having never seen the movie before, my brain went exactly into the same idea that the movie depicted. Sometimes being dumb is much easier than having really deep thoughts.

Time for sleep.

On the up

The last month has been one of the best months in a long while. I'm finally starting to feel like my old self...which makes me wonder if my old self was as good as I thought I was back then. I took a lot of things for granted. Like being able to work out every night, playing intense sports like hockey (and living to talk about it the next day), going out almost every night, seeing endless shows every week, going to sleep at the wee hours of the night and waking up at 6am every morning half asleep, working 10-12 hours a day...I definitely burned the candle at 6 ends without putting much thought into my body not being able to handle the physical strain I was putting on it along with the insane amount of mental stress. I'm absolutely understanding how I got myself into this predicament in the first place. It's definitely easier to pace yourself than to dig yourself out of a deep hole! 

I'll be starting a normal workout routine again very soon along with starting to skate again. This time, I'll try to limit my physical strain and eliminate the mental stress all together. 

It's looking up. I don't know which change in my life has gotten me here, or perhaps it's the entire combination of events...but I like it...I like it a lot. 

Happy Hallows eve! Nothing better than avoiding the slut-fest which we call Halloween parties, here in Los Angeles, by enjoying some low key BBQ time with amazing company. Hope the "ladybugs", "nurses", and "vampires" brought an extra skimpy layer, it's bloody COLD tonight!!

But offislur...

I want to know once and for all if it is in fact a myth that CHP and traffic police have a monthly quota that they have to hit...

I drive the same route daily and it never fails, at the end of the month I see the same speed trap set up at the same stretch of road. 

First, I'd like to call bullshit on cops when they completely deny having a quota to fill. Just admit it. Like every other agency, there are certain rules, regulations and practices that must be followed...and I believe monthly quotas are one of them. 

Secondly, the people that drive this same route and get pulled over...you've no doubt seen others get pulled over for speeding in the same trap every month, I can't help but point and laugh when I see you pulled over. I know these spots and when driving past them, I simply slow my roll. So stop irritably going around me and giving me the evil eye. Maybe next time you should follow my lead and avoid a ticket and traffic school.

Cop friends, please clarify this once and for all for me...quota or no quota?

Missing: common curtesy, please call if found.

So I wrote this last night and forgot to post it...rather, I fell asleep while posting. Anyway, here it is. Another one is coming tonight.

I will admit to having a lot of pet peeves and expecting certain things from the human race as a whole. That being said, I also believe there are the bare minimums of common curtesy that people should come with that qualify you as a human. 

Please explain to me why people go into "10 items or less" express lanes with a basket full of crap and are shocked when the cashier tells them to please not do this next time. Ok so usually this would irritate the hell out of me but this time I just laughed it off along with the other 4 people in line behind this lady....until.....she pulls out her check book...REALLY lady?? You just raped the cashier with 6000 items and you're gonna whip out the check book?? AND she asks for cash back....

It's things like this that just make me wonder what in the world is going on in this lady's head that she completely disregards 5 other people in line with 2 items or less and does what she wants. 

I don't know if it's this city, this state or this country, but I'm seeing less and less common curtesy and it's really depressing to realize it.

Just another day

I'm still trying to figure out if Oct 27 was a day from hell or if it's just something to learn from and laugh it off. I'll do this blog time-line style and try to figure out if I want to laugh or cry later.


8:45am: Wake up from an intense dream in which I snap on someone, push them to hit me first only to end up bashing their head into the ground, having my nose broken and throwing up blood while they end up unconscious.I have no clue what to think of this...except that there has never been ONE single person to ever push me to that edge...and somehow this person did.

9:00am-9:30am: Lay in bed in a soaking wet shirt from sweat gasping for air wondering what the hell just happened in my dream.

11:00am: Move on from the dream, shower, get dressed and get on the road to downtown to the garment district.

11:00am-12:30pm: Sit in traffic with strange windy but hot weather where neither having the window up NOR down seems to feel right. Get off the freeway (aka stopway) to get some food. Get back on the freeway, sit in more traffic.

12:30pm: Finally arrive in downtown, park and get going.

12:30pm-2:30pm: Operation "takeover" is in full research mode. A lot gets done in these hours. Everything we planned to get done actually gets done and we are able to run around Santee Alley just for the hell of it, shop a little, eat a hot dog(I opt out if one) and some chilli mango (I have one piece). This is important info for future reference.

2:45pm-3:00pm: Walk back to the car....reach for keys in my pocket....no keys. Search backback....no keys....search purse....no keys.

3:00pm: FUCK. I lost my car keys.

3:00pm-4:00pm: Trace back every single step of the last 3 hours....twice....no keys. Security, police, ganitors,sales people....not a soul has picked up my keys, or has reported them, or returned them to any authority. Great news...NOT.

4:00pm: Realizing this is now a lost cause we head back to my car (which I may remind you is a 1984 Cadillac El Dorado....I have (had) the only set of original keys that are now in someone else's pocket). Calling AAA in hopes of maybe getting towed to the house so I can deal with this later.

4:15pm: AAA lets me know they can have a locksmith come out and duplicate both the ignition and door keys (two different keys) AND they cover up to $100 in parts and labor. Sweet. Send them out please.

4:30pm: Locksmith arrives. Opens the door in all of 30 seconds. I'm thinking I may not even need a door key at this point. He gets out a set of about 20 keys that he proceeds to try one after another in the ignition in (both of our) hopes that one will match and we can both get on our marry way. No such luck. He informs me he will need to remove my steering wheel to get to the ignition mechanism to do his magic. Sure thing, batman, do what you gotta do...I'm gonna sit back and watch you do this because at this point I am tired, hungry and just want to sit down.

4:45pm-6:20pm: This is where I mention the fact that the lot in which we parked closes at 6:30pm SHARP, as it's so nicely written on the sign right in front of us. Everything that can go wrong DOES go wrong in the process of removing and replacing the steering wheel. my steering wheel seems to be the most supperest of all duper steering wheels ever made, bolts don't fit, screws get stripped, he has to re-thread some things while trying not to break anything in the process, the horn attachment is a pain in the ass that keeps popping out JUST as soon as he ALMOST finishes...fyi my car comes equipped with an air horn...so every time the fucking thing slipped, the entire parking structure is filled with the most alarming air horn, waking up half the neighborhood and some people in China. Did I mention that we are parked right above Santee Alley and some jackass is selling some kind of toy that sounds like nothing we'd ever heard...a weird mix between a crying child and an animal in dire need of a nap?! This is mixed in with a random sound of another sales person demonstrating what seems to be a tazer gun...between those three sounds, I'm now twitching at every sound I hear.

6:20pm: It's looking more and more like we may be spending the night in this parking structure, so I decide instead of also dying of hunger, I may as well go down the street for my second meal of the day....a hot dog. We walk down the street...and up the street...all hotdog vendors are closed. All restaurants are closed. Any form of food is CLOSED. I spot a vending machine so I can at least get some juice or some kind of sugar in my system...annnnd it's broken. Awesome. Well, I might as well go pee. Sure!....not so much. That's also closed.

6:25pm: Upon my return from my unsuccessful venture for food and pee break, Manuel lets me know he finally got everything back the way it needs to be, hands me two keys, takes $95, and we are fucking OUT of there with 3 minutes to spare before the lot closes for the night. Thank you Manuel.

6:28pm-8:15pm: Two words: FUCKING TRAFFIC. After about an hour and a half we finally get out of the nightmare that is Downtown Los Angeles traffic, and pull off the freeway to get something, ANYTHING to eat. Between the hunger and the exhaustion, the delirium had caught up with both me and LL. We are 2 seconds from crying as we are laughing hysterically and singing anything from Journey to Adam Lambert.

8:30pm: Stop. Drop. Roll. I literally stopped for 2 seconds as I dropped off LL lol I had about 3 more minutes of sanity left in me and i needed to keep it for the drive home. This is where I have to thank her for being there with me today, because without her and my Buspar prescription, I believe there would have been some bodies and a news report. Thank you, for, once again, keeping me sane through what seemed to be a bad nightmare.

8:40pm: Home. Shower. Rest.

9:00pm-present: Trying to figure out how I managed not to snap and re-enact my dream from last night. I have blisters on my toes, my face hurts from this stupid windy cold weather, my head is pounding from going WAAAAAAYYYY too long without food for being a hypoglycemic, my entire body is sore from walking for hours, my wallet hates me for spending an extra unnecessary $95, my brain hates me for being stupid and losing keys...and yet, I still feel really accomplished.

I'm gonna just call it a day. Lesson learned. Advil and happy pill....I am done with this day.