For a country that has the right for freedom of speech, there is certainly a lot of restriction put upon us to actually speak freely.
People hold back saying what they actually want to say because of fears. Fear of being called a racist. Fear of not being a patriot. Fear of hurting peoples feelings. Fear of being judged. Fear of someone else using their right for free speech to hurt them in some way. So we censor. We are censored.
No matter how much I want to say in my daily blogs, I hold back on so much of my true feelings about certain things and certain people. I not only censor what I write, I censor what I think about things. It drives me absolutely crazy that I am this person. The person who buries true feelings because of fears. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, maybe it's just manners. Whichever it is, I will never be 100% ME to anyone, through my blog or through any form of expression. There will always be a part of me that nobody will ever know. A secret. A feeling. A thought. Because if just one person knows me 100%...then what will be left of ME, for ME?
I confide in a few people and even they know just the majority, not the whole. Because, somehow, that makes me feel safe from being hurt.
Maybe it's right, or probably wrong, but it gets me through the days.
There are some people who don't have manners, or who don't censor themselves at all. We call them assholes. Because they are assholes.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say I hold back things out of fear. I'm not usually afraid of things like that. Guess I consider myself straightforward and if i have something critical to say then I'll take into account the other persons feelings cause I'm human.
Okay, you're kinda freakin' me out, 'cus I have very literally been thinking these same thoughts for the past few weeks. I feel like I only show the generic brand of myself to the world out of fear. That, and the knowledge of the hassles of "cleaning up" other peoples' non-censored feelings if something I've said offends them (intentionally or otherwise). Blech. Who has the time or energy to deal with that? Plus, it isn't about THEM, it is about me trying to be a more pure version of ME. I even blogged about this myself about a year ago if you're interested.(http://onethousandotonos.blogspot.com/2009/12/if-you-think-you-know-me-please-think.html)That, and the next post(http://onethousandotonos.blogspot.com/2009/12/some-truths-hurt-and-its-okay.html)
ReplyDeleteboth have to do with these same feelings. Needless to say, I am STILL trying to be more myself and more honest. It's a process, for sure.