In the words of Fox Mulder....trust no one.
That dude may be crazy but he's right. A little bit tired of working on myself to let go and trust people and then get slammed. I think it's only fair that others prove their worth to be trusted as well. Doesn't feel quite right that only one side does all the working and fixing.
I may have severe trust issues that I chip away at every day, but for the most part, people have trustworthiness issues they do nothing about. And, well, like a good test monkey, I like rewards for my efforts and I'm not seeing much of that.
I'm sure it's just a mood, but at the moment I want nothing to do with anyone. Sorry, everyone gets thrown under the same giant bus.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I did what?
I never got it, I still don't nor do I think I ever will.
The way other people think still shocks me.
Just when I think I've figured out who to trust and why I shouldn't keep my guard up, I get slapped in the face with reality....again.
If only I did half the things people assume about me, I'd be one bad-ass mother effer. But sadly, I really am this naive and good hearted.
What I still can't accept and figure out is if I should continue being the way I am...and if I'm even capable of changing who and how I am.
Either way, my self doubt and second guessing always kicks into high gear when someone throws a monkey wrench into my self esteem.
such is life.
The way other people think still shocks me.
Just when I think I've figured out who to trust and why I shouldn't keep my guard up, I get slapped in the face with reality....again.
If only I did half the things people assume about me, I'd be one bad-ass mother effer. But sadly, I really am this naive and good hearted.
What I still can't accept and figure out is if I should continue being the way I am...and if I'm even capable of changing who and how I am.
Either way, my self doubt and second guessing always kicks into high gear when someone throws a monkey wrench into my self esteem.
such is life.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Deep thoughts....yet again
Has anyone ever wondered why men's facial hair grows the way it does? It grows up to their cheek bones, stops and then continues as regular hair on the head (hopefully). Why do men need a fur coat on their cheeks and around their mouth? Why leave the cheek bone and forehead clear of hair? I mean they have eyebrows too....
I must look into this. Evolution must have an answer?
Yes. These are the kind of things my brain ponders when i have a day-long migraine.
Oh and a blog from last night is coming...holding for pictures ;) promises of good good things.
I must look into this. Evolution must have an answer?
Yes. These are the kind of things my brain ponders when i have a day-long migraine.
Oh and a blog from last night is coming...holding for pictures ;) promises of good good things.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Rain, Beats and Rock and Roll.
When you hit the Sunset Strip on a rainy night in Los Angeles with a broken toe and 3 hours of sleep in your system. Not to mention the fact that you hit more than one club with 3 different types of music.
The amount of eye candy my brain took in tonight has to be lethal in some countries.
Speaking of countries, every band I saw tonight was from a different country!
Pulling up to the Viper Room, I have to admit I was slightly ticked off because the usual $10 parking lot was overfilled and they were charging $20..for the best reason ever, "it's hectic and it's raining tonight" the attendant tells us. Really, Sherlock?? It's Oscar weekend on the Sunset Strip...with strange moisture falling from the sky...no shit it's hectic. This doesn't give you the right to charge double for parking spots you no longer have vacant.
Sadly for him, in the midst of all the chaos, he actually forgot to charge me. So, free parking for us tonight. Win.
With literally seconds to spare, we made it into the darkness of the Viper room to watch Gina and the sexy block. Ya, I changed the name. It's gonna be official...at some point.
Here comes a confession, I was a bit afraid that the last time I saw them, I may have gotten overly excited. I told myself tonight would be a test to see if I'm really that gungho about them, or if it was just a phase.
Well, I not only confirmed my love for them, but I think I may have become a groupie. No thongs thrown on the stage (yet) but I actually danced. I don't dance.This music purely and simply boils my blood and makes me move. Everything is in such perfect blend. Deaf people would move to the beat of Marc's drums! It's incredible to see the absolute passion and how much he, Todd and Gina submerge themselves in each song. A herd of elephants could walk across the stage and neither one of them would notice. And neither would I. If anyone from the band caught me staring, I apologize greatly.
My point? I don't know how their music manages to make me go bonkers but it does. It's distortion, earth moving drums with a touch if dirty vocals. I'm a sucker for pleasure pain and this seems to do it from the inside. I feel like I'm at a strip club and they are the 3 hottest strippers lap-dancing my ears. And if this makes sense to you, we should definitely hang out more.
I had no clue who was coming on after Gina, nor did I really care. I was outside, getting soaked by the downpour and I was loving it.A short walk to the Whisky was in my plans. 3 minutes and a full white girl fro later, we were in the Whisky. I hadn't been here in nearly a decade and the last time I was there I was thoroughly wasted. I must say, it's a much nicer venue than I remembered. Much less blurry and much more fun.
We walked in when the Vains of Jenna were setting up. A few go-go dancer asses in my face later they were up and running and holy crap did I not expect what I was about to hear. I've never seen them play, but I've heard a bit of hype about Vains of Jenna.
Their front man needs to be detained and handcuffed (and immediately sent to see me). That kid's charisma and smile would break even the coldest of hearts. Anyway, I'm hooked. Its safe to say I'll be back at the Whisky to see Vains of Jenna.
Up next were the boys I came to see. Juke Kartel minus Todd? Must figure out where they've hidden him and why. I miss his golden locks flailing around as he molests his guitar.With a few technical difficulties (which they handled like pros by simply going a cappella) they killed their usual set and threw in a new song called "Shadow". I'm still obsessed with Throw It Away and Save Me so it's gonna take a while to get me used to new material. Toby refuses to take his shirt off no matter the amount of encouragement I throw at him. One day.
The Whisky also threw in a Juke Kartel signed Gibson guitar at the end of the night. A lucky birthday girl won it with her raffle ticket. Though I was tempted to tackle her and steal it, I went against my impulses, as I'd like to return to the venue in the near future.
At 2am, my eyes, ears and brain were thoroughly overloaded with happiness and goodness. Gina and her sexy block, hot rock boys, sexy Ausies. It was a bit unfair. It was like baby Jesus sprinkled some sexy with that rain that fell upon us tonight. I wondered what other places did since all the pretty people seemed to be on the strip tonight.
I'm still yell-whispering. My ears are ringing. It's my favorite sounds to sleep to.
Good night and thank you Los Angeles for a beautifully perfect rainy night of music.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Bubble wrap sponsorship.
If anyone knows me really well, you know that I am a walking accident waiting to happen. I bump into things that aren't there, I knock over things that are physically too far to reach, I even drop things that generally cannot be dropped. In most cases I end up injurig myself in the process. And when I injure myself I like to make sure I do it well enough to remember. Like a scar or a broken bone.
Today was no different.
One broken toe: check.
Today was no different.
One broken toe: check.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
HERstory
On a completely random phone call to my uncle today, I learned a brief history of my grandmother and grandfather on my mom's side.
I heard just the smallest bit about how they met and it opened my eyes to my history. I'm excited for how much more there is to discover.
Best thing about it? There are many many recorded tapes of my grandmother telling story upon story about her life in the war and much much more.
My plan? To digitize these tapes and start listening to every single word. And nobody knows what could be next....a book? a movie?
Time will tell.
One thing is for sure, I will love just KNOWING everything. I'd never met my grandfather and I've been told my personality is a mirror image of him. Can't wait to see who I am.
I heard just the smallest bit about how they met and it opened my eyes to my history. I'm excited for how much more there is to discover.
Best thing about it? There are many many recorded tapes of my grandmother telling story upon story about her life in the war and much much more.
My plan? To digitize these tapes and start listening to every single word. And nobody knows what could be next....a book? a movie?
Time will tell.
One thing is for sure, I will love just KNOWING everything. I'd never met my grandfather and I've been told my personality is a mirror image of him. Can't wait to see who I am.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
technological cock block
I realized today how hard it is for people to lie these days. Especially kids to their parents. I remember how when I was a kid, some 15-20 years ago (I know shocking, I look like this was just yesterday, I thank my genes for the young looks) I would just tell my parents I was going to a friend's house and then run off to god knows where doing god knows what. Most certainly none of it was kosher nor at my friend's house. Today, I would get a call on my iPhone which they would have boobie trapped with a tracking device and some sort of spy camera that records everything I do. Because my parents are Russian like that and they actually WOULD track it.
My point is, technology has made it almost impossible to lie. And even more so, it has eliminated the need to lie. You can now do everything you ever needed to on the go....wherever that may be. Your dog can no longer eat your homework because you can now research, type and print your homework in the span of 5 minutes, all from your phone. You can be the CEO of some multi-million dollar company, no longer needing a reason for why you are late for a meeting because you are doing a face time conference call with people in Japan, out of the comfort of your strip club chair where you are receiving a lap dance. You can compile entire spreadsheet reports while sitting on the can, butt-ass naked.
Which begs the question of why do we even need to go into an office these days? Aside from the actual face to face jobs like day care, or a nurse or firefighter....things that, you know, MATTER. Everything else can be done on our spiffy hand held smart phones.
It's fascinating and distrubing all at once. Because kids now text each other rather than going outside to play a game of street hockey or teepeeing someone's house. Even BULLYING happens with the stroke of a key. I remember when bullying was something more along the lines of getting your ass stuffed into the your locker, not talking shit about you behind the glare of your computer screen.
Makes me wonder where this will put us in 5 years.
Maybe in 10 years, with evolution, babies will be born with larger thumbs for texting purposes. I know I've already lost the ancient art of HAND writing because all I do is type.
My point is, technology has made it almost impossible to lie. And even more so, it has eliminated the need to lie. You can now do everything you ever needed to on the go....wherever that may be. Your dog can no longer eat your homework because you can now research, type and print your homework in the span of 5 minutes, all from your phone. You can be the CEO of some multi-million dollar company, no longer needing a reason for why you are late for a meeting because you are doing a face time conference call with people in Japan, out of the comfort of your strip club chair where you are receiving a lap dance. You can compile entire spreadsheet reports while sitting on the can, butt-ass naked.
Which begs the question of why do we even need to go into an office these days? Aside from the actual face to face jobs like day care, or a nurse or firefighter....things that, you know, MATTER. Everything else can be done on our spiffy hand held smart phones.
It's fascinating and distrubing all at once. Because kids now text each other rather than going outside to play a game of street hockey or teepeeing someone's house. Even BULLYING happens with the stroke of a key. I remember when bullying was something more along the lines of getting your ass stuffed into the your locker, not talking shit about you behind the glare of your computer screen.
Makes me wonder where this will put us in 5 years.
Maybe in 10 years, with evolution, babies will be born with larger thumbs for texting purposes. I know I've already lost the ancient art of HAND writing because all I do is type.
Helping hands.
Realizing that all my good ideas come to me at 3pm...while I'm conveniently busy doing something. Like driving a vehicle, or operating some other heavy machinery, so I can't possibly jot it down in my journal. These moments of brilliance, of course, last a few minutes and quickly get buried by the other roaming thoughts that occupy my brain. It's true. I do, in fact, have thoughts. Many of them. At once. It's quite annoying actually.
Must invest in a helper monkey that writes things down when they are still fresh.
Must invest in a helper monkey that writes things down when they are still fresh.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Ethics.
Ethics....and morals. Do these things really apply when you want to be a good writer? I mean, its one thing if you spray dirt on someone that seemingly doesn't deserve it. But where is the line between putting someone down and just writing life experiences that occur on a day to day basis?
I find myself constantly holding back on topics because they involve people who are in my life every day and the things we do and things we experience together. Events and things that occur on a daily basis that make up my life, are somehow subject to filtering because I don't yet know how to draw that ethical and moral line between keeping things private but also writing about my life....in pieces, just as the name of this blog suggests. Some of the world's greatest writers and artists are people who blur this line and push boundaries.
It's all a work in progress. One day, I'll either hold back at the right time or write something absolutely brilliant and still be respected.
Only time will tell.
I find myself constantly holding back on topics because they involve people who are in my life every day and the things we do and things we experience together. Events and things that occur on a daily basis that make up my life, are somehow subject to filtering because I don't yet know how to draw that ethical and moral line between keeping things private but also writing about my life....in pieces, just as the name of this blog suggests. Some of the world's greatest writers and artists are people who blur this line and push boundaries.
It's all a work in progress. One day, I'll either hold back at the right time or write something absolutely brilliant and still be respected.
Only time will tell.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Ya....no.
I'd like to address a strange clause in the policy of pharmacies.
Three days ago I got my refill of "keep Linda normal" pills. Upon getting home, I realized they are a different shape and size. I suppose this shouldn't concern me since I don't usually care if my prescription is brand name, as long as it does it's job? On the other hand, I also know enough about chemical compositions of drugs and how different manufacturers will make the same drug "as close as possible" to the brand name. That being said, two different manufacturers make the "same" drug that ends up being .001% different in chemical composition.
Leave it to assholes like me to be so sensitive to any drugs that this tiny percent makes the drug either completely useless or have adverse reactions. Guess which one it was this time around? You got it. Three nights in a row I've been having the worst nightmares and waking up in a sweaty panic 3-4 times a night....and that's if I actually fell asleep. All day I'd walk around like a zombie with a head that felt like it was filled with helium. Anxiety kicked into high gear, I was starting to feel like February 2010.
Not really feeling like doing that year all over again, I headed down to my pharmacy to ask them to give me back the crap they gave me the last 9 months instead of these extra crazy pills.
I calmly explained what my situation is and the lady at the counter went off to look up my info. She comes back with my pills and says "I can write in that you prefer **** as the manufacturer for your next refill, however, we can't take these back as per our policy. What we can do is see if your insurance will allow an early refill and if not, you will have to pay for the new pills out of pocket."
I plain out look at her like she just spoke Chinese to me and respond with "so do you suppose someone will buy these on eBay, or you think Craigslist works better for these sort of things?"
She now looks at me like I spoke Chinese. We stare for a bit, i raise an eyebrow, she looks even more confused, I keep looking, she walks away and goes to the pharmacist on duty. She speaks to her for 5 minutes and walks back with the pharmacist following.
The pharmacist smiles and asks me to step to the "pick up" line. I smile back and step over. She explains to me how many people are extremely sensitive to things like this and she completely understands and will make a note in my file to only give me **** manufacturer and not to worry, they will make an exception to refill my prescription with the new pills and gladly take the old pills back.
I say thank you, smile and take my new "happy" pills home. At no charge.
Because, seriously, if you're going to tell me I'm going to have to keep my shitty drugs and pay for another refill of good drugs 3 days later (based on your shitty policy), I absolutely will sell my shitty drugs on eBay...under your name.
I'm just sayin.
Three days ago I got my refill of "keep Linda normal" pills. Upon getting home, I realized they are a different shape and size. I suppose this shouldn't concern me since I don't usually care if my prescription is brand name, as long as it does it's job? On the other hand, I also know enough about chemical compositions of drugs and how different manufacturers will make the same drug "as close as possible" to the brand name. That being said, two different manufacturers make the "same" drug that ends up being .001% different in chemical composition.
Leave it to assholes like me to be so sensitive to any drugs that this tiny percent makes the drug either completely useless or have adverse reactions. Guess which one it was this time around? You got it. Three nights in a row I've been having the worst nightmares and waking up in a sweaty panic 3-4 times a night....and that's if I actually fell asleep. All day I'd walk around like a zombie with a head that felt like it was filled with helium. Anxiety kicked into high gear, I was starting to feel like February 2010.
Not really feeling like doing that year all over again, I headed down to my pharmacy to ask them to give me back the crap they gave me the last 9 months instead of these extra crazy pills.
I calmly explained what my situation is and the lady at the counter went off to look up my info. She comes back with my pills and says "I can write in that you prefer **** as the manufacturer for your next refill, however, we can't take these back as per our policy. What we can do is see if your insurance will allow an early refill and if not, you will have to pay for the new pills out of pocket."
I plain out look at her like she just spoke Chinese to me and respond with "so do you suppose someone will buy these on eBay, or you think Craigslist works better for these sort of things?"
She now looks at me like I spoke Chinese. We stare for a bit, i raise an eyebrow, she looks even more confused, I keep looking, she walks away and goes to the pharmacist on duty. She speaks to her for 5 minutes and walks back with the pharmacist following.
The pharmacist smiles and asks me to step to the "pick up" line. I smile back and step over. She explains to me how many people are extremely sensitive to things like this and she completely understands and will make a note in my file to only give me **** manufacturer and not to worry, they will make an exception to refill my prescription with the new pills and gladly take the old pills back.
I say thank you, smile and take my new "happy" pills home. At no charge.
Because, seriously, if you're going to tell me I'm going to have to keep my shitty drugs and pay for another refill of good drugs 3 days later (based on your shitty policy), I absolutely will sell my shitty drugs on eBay...under your name.
I'm just sayin.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Time out!
For someone like me to be somewhat quiet and reserved all day is slightly abnormal. As much as I like my alone and quiet time, I usually end up being surrounded by family and friends.
Today I somehow managed to keep to myself all day. No real deep thoughts or emotional discussions. Just putting around, laying on the couch, eating, vegging and resting. I barely touched my laptop or my journal.
A day of mental rest.
Back to the mental grind tomorrow. Gathering my info and writing my articles.
Today I somehow managed to keep to myself all day. No real deep thoughts or emotional discussions. Just putting around, laying on the couch, eating, vegging and resting. I barely touched my laptop or my journal.
A day of mental rest.
Back to the mental grind tomorrow. Gathering my info and writing my articles.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Beats
Today I traded my pick for a pair of sticks. Strumming to banging on drums.
Somehow learning guitar just made me super confused and left me feeling completely inadequate in the music department. Something about not being able to play by ear just absolutely didn't click in my head. It doesn't happen much, but some things I just can't grasp. Guitar...was one of them. Sadly.
Since I can remember I've been banging on tables, drumming my fingers to the beat of every song, tapping my foot to the bass of a song, and basically tuning out the rest of the songs until all I heard were drums. I tend to gravitate towards music with a fun and unique beat...and let's face it, I've always been somewhat obsessed with drummers.
Always having an inquiring mind, and a never sufficing appetite for learning, I figured it would be good to pursue this interest and see if anything comes of it. So there it is. I've got all the parts. I'll be setting this baby up in the next few days and then handing out apology cards to the neighbors for the next few months.
Wish them luck.
Somehow learning guitar just made me super confused and left me feeling completely inadequate in the music department. Something about not being able to play by ear just absolutely didn't click in my head. It doesn't happen much, but some things I just can't grasp. Guitar...was one of them. Sadly.
Since I can remember I've been banging on tables, drumming my fingers to the beat of every song, tapping my foot to the bass of a song, and basically tuning out the rest of the songs until all I heard were drums. I tend to gravitate towards music with a fun and unique beat...and let's face it, I've always been somewhat obsessed with drummers.
Always having an inquiring mind, and a never sufficing appetite for learning, I figured it would be good to pursue this interest and see if anything comes of it. So there it is. I've got all the parts. I'll be setting this baby up in the next few days and then handing out apology cards to the neighbors for the next few months.
Wish them luck.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Child's play
I'm not really sure why but I really miss carnivals. I know. Totally random. I think I've been to a total of 2 carnivals in my entire life and both times got traumatized by the stupid ferris wheel. That disaster put aside, I really love to go to a huge carnival with cotton candy, corn, a million games, and stuffed animal prizes.
Who's coming with me....?
Who's coming with me....?
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Beastly
I saw a commercial for a new movie called "Beastly", whose concept goes along the lines of what I talked about with a friend today. The premise of the movie is a popular and good looking kid gets turned into a form of a "monster" and is told that he has a year to find somebody to love him exactly the way he is and for who he is inside, or he will remain this way.....wait for it......FOR EVER!!! (although their idea of putting strategically placed scars and awesome looking tattoo-like "beast" markings only made him hotter in MY eyes, but that's not the point here). The idea is that good looking people have it easier in life. Jobs, relationships, acting like complete douchebags and getting away with it because they throw a smile or do really good puppy eyes, treating people like dirt and getting away with that because the other person is simply not as confident in themselves to stand up to them. His punishment and lesson is to become the modern day "beast" for a year and find true love or he will remain this "beast" for ever and, god forbid, will never bang that hot cheerleader who he doesn't give a rat's ass about.
In talking to my friend tonight, we concluded that I am a "fixer" or a "saver". I'm attracted to people that need some sort of saving or fixing. My particular forte, is attractive people who seem to have their head so far up their own ass that they can blink with their asshole. My general fault is that I truly believe there is good in every person. I know, even the pretty ones. I must be crazy. I believe that even the self absorbed have a decent soul...somewhere deep deep down inside their frozen little hearts.
My entire life I've been attracted to the pretty, shallow, self centered, and confident people whom I've somehow tried to "fix," to realize that life isn't all about what you look like and how people see you. To boot, if you manage to not only stay pretty but also be a good person, you will end up twice as liked and twice more respected and admired! Go figure!
There's a quote I heard once on the tv series "The Big C", and it made me laugh and think very deeply. "You can't be fat and bitchy! You're either fat and jolly or skinny and a bitch. You have to choose one!"
Then I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was, in fact, skinny (by most standards) and I wasn't a bitch. I must have broken some mold, somewhere.
The same idea applies to pretty people. You can't be pretty and be sincere, nice, caring, loving, etc.... the general rule is you're either hot and a complete douchebag, or average and sweet.
Fuck that mold too. I don't think I'm average in looks. I have my days where I may even feel hot. And I also happen to be nice, sincere, caring, loving, and extremely considerate of others. I know I'm not 1 in a million, so where the hell are all the other shinny, nice people?
I'll say this: I refuse to lower my standards. I want a good looking guy that adores the ground I walk on, in return for exactly the same. You don't have to be a super model (because frankly, I can't deal with someone that is just dumb as a door knob....sorry, its a stereotype for a reason) but someone that is physically attractive to ME. Someone that will stay physically attractive to me even when their six pack fades into a keg, their haircut seizes to be stylish, and their pretty eyes get surrounded by wrinkles.
Tired of trying to fix assholes into decent men. Am I asking for too much?
In talking to my friend tonight, we concluded that I am a "fixer" or a "saver". I'm attracted to people that need some sort of saving or fixing. My particular forte, is attractive people who seem to have their head so far up their own ass that they can blink with their asshole. My general fault is that I truly believe there is good in every person. I know, even the pretty ones. I must be crazy. I believe that even the self absorbed have a decent soul...somewhere deep deep down inside their frozen little hearts.
My entire life I've been attracted to the pretty, shallow, self centered, and confident people whom I've somehow tried to "fix," to realize that life isn't all about what you look like and how people see you. To boot, if you manage to not only stay pretty but also be a good person, you will end up twice as liked and twice more respected and admired! Go figure!
There's a quote I heard once on the tv series "The Big C", and it made me laugh and think very deeply. "You can't be fat and bitchy! You're either fat and jolly or skinny and a bitch. You have to choose one!"
Then I looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was, in fact, skinny (by most standards) and I wasn't a bitch. I must have broken some mold, somewhere.
The same idea applies to pretty people. You can't be pretty and be sincere, nice, caring, loving, etc.... the general rule is you're either hot and a complete douchebag, or average and sweet.
Fuck that mold too. I don't think I'm average in looks. I have my days where I may even feel hot. And I also happen to be nice, sincere, caring, loving, and extremely considerate of others. I know I'm not 1 in a million, so where the hell are all the other shinny, nice people?
I'll say this: I refuse to lower my standards. I want a good looking guy that adores the ground I walk on, in return for exactly the same. You don't have to be a super model (because frankly, I can't deal with someone that is just dumb as a door knob....sorry, its a stereotype for a reason) but someone that is physically attractive to ME. Someone that will stay physically attractive to me even when their six pack fades into a keg, their haircut seizes to be stylish, and their pretty eyes get surrounded by wrinkles.
Tired of trying to fix assholes into decent men. Am I asking for too much?
Monday, February 14, 2011
love
There are two ways people take Valentine's day: one is to succumb to the pressures of this "holiday" and spend money on flowers, cards and chocolates (at the least) and "show your undying love" to your partner/valentine...the other is to be shoved into feeling unwanted/unloved/some how wrong..or as I like to call it, single.
People seem to either love the idea or hate everyone for existing on this day.
I've never quite understood the fascination of this day, but I've also never gone postal about it either. I honestly couldn't care less about a made up holiday. So it makes people somehow feel better about each other, be it. I don't particularly enjoy having to dress up and go to a dinner I'd rather have at home. Or have someone spend money on flowers and candy and monetary gifts. But if this somehow makes people happier for a day, I say go for it?
Personally, I practice "Valentine's day" randomly and somewhat regularly. I've been known to write a nice note and stick it in your pocket without you knowing for you to find at a later time. Or make a full dinner (candles and all) on a random Thursday. A box of chocolates split between two people while watching our favorite show tastes so much better than any heart shaped box on Valentine's day.
I don't blame people for falling for the idea. Most of you will end up greatly disappointed at the end of the night because whoever it was that you put pressure on making today perfect will most certainly fail in doing so. Because instead of actually loving one another and caring about each other, we put these stupid expectations upon each other.
Then there's the single people who...well we've all been there once or twice before. No explanation needed for the thoughts and feelings that flood you when you're single on this day. I actually prefer being single, and not hate everyone.
Just wish people would understand. It's not about a certain day. It's not about the guys remembering to buy you flowers. It's about him knowing your favorite flower and bringing you one on a day you'd never expect one.
There is no romance in Valentines day. In fact the most romantic thing about it, was when we were 10 and we MADE a card for that crush and nearly passed out because we had to walk over to them and hand it to them.
It's true. We do get dumber as we age.
Alas, I hope each and every one of you had a great day. Regardless of status. Regardless of flowers, cards, and candy.
Happy Monday night.
People seem to either love the idea or hate everyone for existing on this day.I've never quite understood the fascination of this day, but I've also never gone postal about it either. I honestly couldn't care less about a made up holiday. So it makes people somehow feel better about each other, be it. I don't particularly enjoy having to dress up and go to a dinner I'd rather have at home. Or have someone spend money on flowers and candy and monetary gifts. But if this somehow makes people happier for a day, I say go for it?
Personally, I practice "Valentine's day" randomly and somewhat regularly. I've been known to write a nice note and stick it in your pocket without you knowing for you to find at a later time. Or make a full dinner (candles and all) on a random Thursday. A box of chocolates split between two people while watching our favorite show tastes so much better than any heart shaped box on Valentine's day.
I don't blame people for falling for the idea. Most of you will end up greatly disappointed at the end of the night because whoever it was that you put pressure on making today perfect will most certainly fail in doing so. Because instead of actually loving one another and caring about each other, we put these stupid expectations upon each other.
Then there's the single people who...well we've all been there once or twice before. No explanation needed for the thoughts and feelings that flood you when you're single on this day. I actually prefer being single, and not hate everyone.
Just wish people would understand. It's not about a certain day. It's not about the guys remembering to buy you flowers. It's about him knowing your favorite flower and bringing you one on a day you'd never expect one.
There is no romance in Valentines day. In fact the most romantic thing about it, was when we were 10 and we MADE a card for that crush and nearly passed out because we had to walk over to them and hand it to them.
It's true. We do get dumber as we age.
Alas, I hope each and every one of you had a great day. Regardless of status. Regardless of flowers, cards, and candy.
Happy Monday night.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Award shows and what not
If awards shows insist on showing the entire thing 3 hours ahead on the east coast (when the show is actually taking place on the west coast) can we at least place a gag order on everyone on the east coast? Seriously. I'd like to watch just one show not knowing what the fuck the outcome will be or what dress lady Gaga will wear.
I shouldn't have to avoid Facebook or any other social network for 4 hours just to enjoy the show.
Just sayin.
I shouldn't have to avoid Facebook or any other social network for 4 hours just to enjoy the show.
Just sayin.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Fun times spent in the car
No matter how many times someone will try to explain it to me, I will never understand traffic on the freeway. Listen, I'm no idiot, I fully understand what the capillary effect means and I do understand traffic when this happens. I understand traffic when there's an accident as well. What I will never accept is how there is traffic for 10 miles on a freeway with everyone going 30mph...no lanes being closed, no accidents, no couches in the middle of the road...we just hit a magic spot on the freeway and suddenly everyone just accelerates to normal speeds. Are there designated drivers every evening that work with one another to clog up 3 out of 5 lanes just to create "rush" hour?!
And while I'm on the subject, let's just go ahead and change it to "no rush" hour. Cos really, if you're sitting in this traffic, you certainly aren't in any rush.
And while I'm on the subject, let's just go ahead and change it to "no rush" hour. Cos really, if you're sitting in this traffic, you certainly aren't in any rush.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Pressure building
I have an amazing article in the works. Sadly I can't post it here....yet.
Also, with the journalism classes, most of my ideas are being snatched up by the magazine editors for future articles they'd like me to write. It's strange to me to feel slightly restricted on writing. Meaning I can write whatever I want, I just can't share it right away. I'm guessing this will be an ongoing issue if I end up as a staff writer for the magazine. Good problem to have, I say!
I may have only had one meeting with the editors, but it felt great. I'm gonna shoot high and see what happens. I'm going to pitch getting my own column that will focus on a certain subject. They may want a music column, or possibly a health/fitness column. Can't cross my fingers (cos, well, I need those for typing) but I will cross my toes and whatever else I may.
On another note, I really would like to take this time to thank this weather for making me look like a 2 dollar hooker with a herpes outbreak (or some other serious skin issue). I can't keep myself hydrated enough to keep my skin from being so dry that my lips are cracking and hurting like a muther-effer. It's not just unpleasing to the eye, it's also very painful and makes my lymph nodes spaz out. I would greatly appreciate a break from this cold, dry weather. Will gladly accept a nice rainy week or five.
Just sayin.
Also, with the journalism classes, most of my ideas are being snatched up by the magazine editors for future articles they'd like me to write. It's strange to me to feel slightly restricted on writing. Meaning I can write whatever I want, I just can't share it right away. I'm guessing this will be an ongoing issue if I end up as a staff writer for the magazine. Good problem to have, I say!
On another note, I really would like to take this time to thank this weather for making me look like a 2 dollar hooker with a herpes outbreak (or some other serious skin issue). I can't keep myself hydrated enough to keep my skin from being so dry that my lips are cracking and hurting like a muther-effer. It's not just unpleasing to the eye, it's also very painful and makes my lymph nodes spaz out. I would greatly appreciate a break from this cold, dry weather. Will gladly accept a nice rainy week or five.
Just sayin.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
you are your own worst obstacle
No jokes here.
We are literally the only thing that stands between seeing what you want in life in the distance and sprinting towards in with lighting speed. We set up our own obstacles, sometimes so great that we believe they are absolutely not passable. Whether its your self doubt, your laziness or your lack of fight, its all within your hands.
I can't say that I'm anywhere near out of the woods with my obstacles, but I do know that I have climbed over some huge walls in the past year to get just to the start line of this course. When I started I was broken mentally, emotionally and most of all physically. I had no fight in me. The combination of medical issues made me weak in every way I can describe. Some of the lows were the worst days of my life where nothing really mattered anymore. I barely got up, I barely ate, I refused to see or talk to anyone and refused for anyone to see me this way. One good morning, I decided in my mind with my last few ounces of energy that I had to start fighting or I would end up dead. No beating around that bush. I didn't want to live like that anymore. I decided to clear one obstacle at a time. To climb that wall every day even if I fell off daily and had to cry and get back up. My biggest challenges came not from fighting myself, but fighting for what I knew was right and what I had to convince others in. Doctors, friends, even my parents. With patience and perseverance and support (the support I had to drop my pride for and ask) I started to familiarize myself with each obstacle and little by little I made it through them. . After a muddy mountain I saw some light. I began to want things in life again. To think about the future and what it would entail for me. I had no idea. I had a clean slate. A new start. A new DESIRE to live.
I'm not here to preach or run a sermon, I'm just here to tell you that it takes only your own mind to live the life you deserve. When you realize that its only within you, that's when you will crawl to your first challenge and grab on to what you can to get through it.
Start fast, start slow....just START.
We are literally the only thing that stands between seeing what you want in life in the distance and sprinting towards in with lighting speed. We set up our own obstacles, sometimes so great that we believe they are absolutely not passable. Whether its your self doubt, your laziness or your lack of fight, its all within your hands.
I can't say that I'm anywhere near out of the woods with my obstacles, but I do know that I have climbed over some huge walls in the past year to get just to the start line of this course. When I started I was broken mentally, emotionally and most of all physically. I had no fight in me. The combination of medical issues made me weak in every way I can describe. Some of the lows were the worst days of my life where nothing really mattered anymore. I barely got up, I barely ate, I refused to see or talk to anyone and refused for anyone to see me this way. One good morning, I decided in my mind with my last few ounces of energy that I had to start fighting or I would end up dead. No beating around that bush. I didn't want to live like that anymore. I decided to clear one obstacle at a time. To climb that wall every day even if I fell off daily and had to cry and get back up. My biggest challenges came not from fighting myself, but fighting for what I knew was right and what I had to convince others in. Doctors, friends, even my parents. With patience and perseverance and support (the support I had to drop my pride for and ask) I started to familiarize myself with each obstacle and little by little I made it through them. . After a muddy mountain I saw some light. I began to want things in life again. To think about the future and what it would entail for me. I had no idea. I had a clean slate. A new start. A new DESIRE to live.
I'm not here to preach or run a sermon, I'm just here to tell you that it takes only your own mind to live the life you deserve. When you realize that its only within you, that's when you will crawl to your first challenge and grab on to what you can to get through it.
Start fast, start slow....just START.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Full Throttle
When I started this adventure of getting a degree in Journalism, I honestly didn't think I would get the time of day from school since I started looking into things 2 weeks before school started. Much to my surprise, I was able to crash two of the three classes I wanted to take this semester.
Now I'm in full student mode and I couldn't be happier. One of the courses is so tiny and close knit that we are practically guaranteed to publish an article of our choice in the student-run magazine. Publishing equals a very happy Linda. I am also shooting to get on the staff of writers for school's online magazine to start my own column. Lets see how things go!
Between this blog and the writing assignments from my classes (which are already in full gear), I've done nothing but brainstorm, take notes, set up interviews, take more notes, and write. To none of my surprise, this makes me ridiculously busy and happy at the same time. This will be a challenge some nights, but I plan on keeping my personal promise to write every single day.
I'm actually tired before 2am for the first time in the last two weeks! Perhaps my little love notes to the sandman have finally melted his cold heart. Much needed full night of sleep is ahead. And by full night, I mean 5+ hours. Score.
Now I'm in full student mode and I couldn't be happier. One of the courses is so tiny and close knit that we are practically guaranteed to publish an article of our choice in the student-run magazine. Publishing equals a very happy Linda. I am also shooting to get on the staff of writers for school's online magazine to start my own column. Lets see how things go!
Between this blog and the writing assignments from my classes (which are already in full gear), I've done nothing but brainstorm, take notes, set up interviews, take more notes, and write. To none of my surprise, this makes me ridiculously busy and happy at the same time. This will be a challenge some nights, but I plan on keeping my personal promise to write every single day.
I'm actually tired before 2am for the first time in the last two weeks! Perhaps my little love notes to the sandman have finally melted his cold heart. Much needed full night of sleep is ahead. And by full night, I mean 5+ hours. Score.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Flash in a pan.
Have you ever thought back on a friendship that is no longer, and remembered moments like flashes in the pan? The day you met. All the tiny reasons why you stayed friends and became better friends. The fun times, the intense moments, the silly moments of laughter til you snorted, the times where one poured their heart out to the other...
Moments flash in your mind like polaroid pictures snapped with your mind at each given moment, stored to replay at random times. Always puts a smile on your face.
And just one reason why you're no longer friends....
Seems unfair.
Moments flash in your mind like polaroid pictures snapped with your mind at each given moment, stored to replay at random times. Always puts a smile on your face.
And just one reason why you're no longer friends....
Seems unfair.
Monday, February 7, 2011
First day of school??
While it may seem trivial to some, to me and the people who really know me, today was a huge step in getting back to myself at the core. I started my first class in a new degree, in a new direction of my life. My first journalism class. The beginning of writing with a purpose and a goal and actually getting graded on it. Yikes.
I must admit, while the class is 3 loooooong hours (hours that cut into my House obsession), I have never taken a course that felt so....RIGHT. For once when I looked at the syllabus I didn't cringe when I saw the assignment/quiz/final requirements. Its all writing. Writing in our own style, capturing news and events. This is more of a nerd club for me than a class. I predict a fun and easy A...but you never know lol
I've taken my share of course in my life, some I absolutely hated, some I dreaded with the fear that only seeing a shark would compare, others were easy and I knew the material, but never an actual FUN class.
Let this be the first of many.
Yay for having the class moved from one building to a room on the opposite end of campus. I only spent 30 minutes attempting to navigate a construction filled school and probably lost a good 5 lbs walking and sweating my ass off. All in all, I made it and the teacher wasn't mad, seeing as how 5 more people rolled into the room after me. All panting and sweating just like me.
I must admit, while the class is 3 loooooong hours (hours that cut into my House obsession), I have never taken a course that felt so....RIGHT. For once when I looked at the syllabus I didn't cringe when I saw the assignment/quiz/final requirements. Its all writing. Writing in our own style, capturing news and events. This is more of a nerd club for me than a class. I predict a fun and easy A...but you never know lol
I've taken my share of course in my life, some I absolutely hated, some I dreaded with the fear that only seeing a shark would compare, others were easy and I knew the material, but never an actual FUN class.
Let this be the first of many.
Yay for having the class moved from one building to a room on the opposite end of campus. I only spent 30 minutes attempting to navigate a construction filled school and probably lost a good 5 lbs walking and sweating my ass off. All in all, I made it and the teacher wasn't mad, seeing as how 5 more people rolled into the room after me. All panting and sweating just like me.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Was there some kind of national holiday today?
First and foremost, I like football. I really do. When there's nothing else to watch on TV and I'm sick in bed and can't go outside. It's incredible to me how many people were glued to their couches and TVs today and probably didn't even notice how gorgeous it was outside all day.
Facebook was nothing but comment after comment about how terrible the anthem was, how terrible the halftime show was...I'm not even sure people watched the actual game. Does anyone actually give a crap which win-less team took the trophy this year?
All this said, I have to thank each and every single one of you lazy fuckers for staying home and off the streets for the entire day. It made my drive down the coast so much more pleasant without having to sit in traffic to get to the beach. I enjoyed an entire beach to myself, where usually I'd have to fight for parking and look at pasty hairy bodies "tanning" their way to prettiness.
I moved my workout to the beach where the weather was absolutely AMAZING. The water was crisp, the air had a cool breeze and the sun warmed just enough. 2 hours spent doing sprints in the sand and relaxing.
I wish it was Superbowl Sunday every Sunday. Who won, anyway?
P.S. Sprints in the sand are a total ass whooping experience. And I shall do it every Sunday from now on. Please stay away from Sycamore Cove...its far too long of a drive, you know it and I know it. Just hang home and....I dunno, grill something.
Facebook was nothing but comment after comment about how terrible the anthem was, how terrible the halftime show was...I'm not even sure people watched the actual game. Does anyone actually give a crap which win-less team took the trophy this year?
All this said, I have to thank each and every single one of you lazy fuckers for staying home and off the streets for the entire day. It made my drive down the coast so much more pleasant without having to sit in traffic to get to the beach. I enjoyed an entire beach to myself, where usually I'd have to fight for parking and look at pasty hairy bodies "tanning" their way to prettiness.
I moved my workout to the beach where the weather was absolutely AMAZING. The water was crisp, the air had a cool breeze and the sun warmed just enough. 2 hours spent doing sprints in the sand and relaxing.
I wish it was Superbowl Sunday every Sunday. Who won, anyway?
P.S. Sprints in the sand are a total ass whooping experience. And I shall do it every Sunday from now on. Please stay away from Sycamore Cove...its far too long of a drive, you know it and I know it. Just hang home and....I dunno, grill something.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Promises kept
I sat and cried because I seemed to be the only one that knew and believed that something was indeed wrong and nobody was going to help me figure it out. I made a promise to myself to not only not give up looking for a doctor that would help me figure things out but once I did figure things out, I would make a goal to participate in some sort of marathon or triathlon.
So there it is. A promise to myself. I found a doctor that gave a crap and is helping me pick my life up from the earth. I'm feeling better every day. The next step is to fulfill my other promise.
Today, I looked up perspective triathlons. I hate running so I figured I can find a sprint triathlon instead of just a boring marathon. This way the swimming and biking could keep my brain occupied and entertained enough to ignore the fact that I need to RUN.
This is just the first step. Now I need to pick a goal date and start training for it. It seems most triathlon training programs take at least 15-23 weeks. I'll be doing it on my own, since nobody else really deserves to help me now. I took the steps to getting better on my own, I want to train on my own and finish this on my own and as a thank you to both, myself and my doctor that took the time to listen to me.
There is a sprint triathlon in the San Francisco Bay area every year on or around my birthday. It's impressive but unrealistic to train for this year...but next year, I am there. It will be a mile stone for not just my health but also my 30th year of life on this earth. Scary. But what better way to do it?
Friday, February 4, 2011
Breath of fresh air.
I really enjoy meeting new people that grab my attention from the moment we say hi. Either I'm too much of a conceited brat most days to notice when I meet people like this, or it just doesn't happen that often.
I can count on one hand the people that have captured me this way. I guess it's a good thing to keep it to a minimum. Keeps them that much more special and makes me that much more appreciative of having them in my life.
I can count on one hand the people that have captured me this way. I guess it's a good thing to keep it to a minimum. Keeps them that much more special and makes me that much more appreciative of having them in my life.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Step by step! (and now you have that song stuck in your head too..you're welcome)
It feels really nice to accomplish even the smallest goals in life.
One step at a time I get my life to the place where I left it a while back. Inching my way back into school to get that degree in something I've figured out I love to do. Getting that damn laptop fixed that I've wanted for some time. Staying on schedule with the workouts. Pushing myself to always do something that I'd put off in the past.
Still building my Rome. One day at a time. Tired daily but feeling accomplished daily as well. I'll take that any day.
One step at a time I get my life to the place where I left it a while back. Inching my way back into school to get that degree in something I've figured out I love to do. Getting that damn laptop fixed that I've wanted for some time. Staying on schedule with the workouts. Pushing myself to always do something that I'd put off in the past.
Still building my Rome. One day at a time. Tired daily but feeling accomplished daily as well. I'll take that any day.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The good burn
Today, while in the upward sun stroking dog facing pose in yoga, I understood how much I love pushing my body past the point of where it hurts and cramps and feels unnatural. I cursed in 3 different languages (one of which I made up) when they asked me to do the backward bridge and raise my left leg....annnnnndddd hold.
I realize how poor my balance and stamina has gotten and I must admit that while the overall motivation to workout every day is there, the daily battle is still there. I feel like closing myself in the gym and not letting myself out until I reach that daily goal. But, alas, I has no gym pass and I'm far too stubborn and unwilling to shell out any kind of money for a membership. I think gyms rip off the people that actually go every day. Although, I do miss the days where I used to go anytime I wanted and at the wee hours of the night to sweat and laugh with the night owls.
Either way, P90 is doing the job for now.
I realize how poor my balance and stamina has gotten and I must admit that while the overall motivation to workout every day is there, the daily battle is still there. I feel like closing myself in the gym and not letting myself out until I reach that daily goal. But, alas, I has no gym pass and I'm far too stubborn and unwilling to shell out any kind of money for a membership. I think gyms rip off the people that actually go every day. Although, I do miss the days where I used to go anytime I wanted and at the wee hours of the night to sweat and laugh with the night owls.
Either way, P90 is doing the job for now.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Memory status: 88% in use.
Sometimes it scares me to realize how technologically skilled I am. I mean really. I know things that no normal person should know about computer networking, wiring, splicing, soldering, etc...let alone a GIRL.
It's annoying and amusing all at once.
And I wish I could say it stops at gadgets and electronics, no, it's cars, health, home, animals...you name it, I know something that I learned like 12 years ago and it just stuck in my head for some real life trivia game. Isn't our brain like a sponge? Sponges get full, right?
Maybe this is why I can't focus when people are talking to me and there's a peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich in front of me.
You should really take advantage of this while I still know shit, cos you never know when I might decide to start purging info to start storing new crap...like how to pay attention to a boss that has no idea what the hell he's talking about. :)
It's annoying and amusing all at once.
And I wish I could say it stops at gadgets and electronics, no, it's cars, health, home, animals...you name it, I know something that I learned like 12 years ago and it just stuck in my head for some real life trivia game. Isn't our brain like a sponge? Sponges get full, right?
Maybe this is why I can't focus when people are talking to me and there's a peanut butter, jelly and banana sandwich in front of me.
You should really take advantage of this while I still know shit, cos you never know when I might decide to start purging info to start storing new crap...like how to pay attention to a boss that has no idea what the hell he's talking about. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)