if You're a Bird, I'm a Bird

For a long time I thought the idea of romance and soul-mates was something of the past.

That only people in the "Gone With The Wind" era knew what it meant to fall in love with someone head over heels and spend their entire mortal life together.

Then I realized that idea seems to be cultural.

I'm not saying my parents don't love each other (I'm certain they do, they just bicker like a dog and cat) but it feels like in the Russian culture people get married to get married and have kids.

Tradition takes over romance.

I'm fairly certain there are a hundred other cultures where tradition trumps any emotion or feeling of complete and utter love just like the Russians seem to do.

I never really understood why someone would sacrifice happiness just to fulfill a biological need to procreate.

I would rather wait to meet the ONE and spend the rest of my life in bliss than to cage myself in a life long prison sentence.

Life is more than just repopulating the earth. What ever happened to falling in love with someone who is also your best friend?

Sometimes we should abandon tradition and be selfish...at least that's my story and I'm stickin to it.


PS, I should mention that I just watched "The Notebook" for the umpteenth time (and cried again).

DAY 3

You would think eating gluten free would be somewhat of an easy task, seeing as how everyone seems to be on SOME sort of diet these days....

not so much.

When you're used to eating pastas, breads and other non gluten friendly things, life becomes slightly more complicated when you want a snack and all you can eat is....well...not what you really want.

I find myself feeling a crap load better overall, but also, I am starving an hour after I eat anything!

My metabolism has always been kicked into high gear, but now all it has to burn is foods high in protein and raw metabolic material like fruits, nuts and dairy.

The fridge is stocked full of meats and cheeses, and the pantry has been gutted and refilled with rice and corn based products.

I find myself hiding Larabars in my nightstand drawers and in my purse, and M&Ms in my pockets just to keep my body happy when I haven't eaten in an hour or two.

This could get expensive, but so far it seems very worth it.

Gonna do this for two weeks and see how it goes.

And now, I need a snack.

Linda's little life lessons

I wish people would stop trying too hard. In general. If you're trying so hard in anything that it becomes so insincere and turns into annoying, you should stop while you're ahead.

Mostly speaking about people that try to impress others so much that they end up coming off as complete jackholes. All you're really doing is showing someone that who you are on a regular basis just isn't enough for that person or (god forbid) you're just not right for each other.

Save your breath (and money), there's someone out there that will notice you and appreciate you when you're not even trying.

Lesson in life #46

Gluten-Free

So, on a whim, today my cousin and I figured out that maybe all my health issues have come from the fact that my body doesn't like me eating wheat.

Upon further research and digging, it turns out, one of the most common problems celiac people (those who cannot tolerate wheat) experience is vitamin deficiency that could never be explained by any other factor...ie my b12 deficiency.

I'll definitely go get the blood test to make sure that's what it is, but today, I'm on day one of a gluten-free diet.

Thank god for Trader Joes and their easy to read labels, because otherwise I'd be standing in the fresh meat section at Ralphs looking like a Somalian child only Sally Struthers could help...for just 26cents per day, I may add.

Let's see how well this works out.

Naughty by nature.

Are men just programmed to be polygamous or are they just all cheating asses?

This was the topic of discussion a few days ago. 

I've met maybe a handful of guys that haven't at some point cheated in their relationship. And even they will admit to thinking about it at times.

To spare you the entire debate, I'll just say that we came to the conclusion that dudes are put on this planet to spread the seed...as much as possible. Which means staying with one girl for their entire life is going against everything in their nature. 

I suppose. 

I still think most dudes are just using that as a sorry ass excuse to be a d-bag. 

:)

Love come

Amazing song by Sarah McLauchlan


Love come
Light up the shadows
Let the beauty of you enter in
For I have hungered for a tender touch
A long and lonely time
I've seen much more than I want to
So much anger
So much pain
A line is drawn and lives are torn apart
The wound's too hard to heal

Love has taken me in
Lifted my load
And in this empty space a wonder grows
A dream of some kind of peace I could hold up is true
I never knew anything about love before you

You can call, I come running
I can sense the flood before it breaks
And I'd do anything to dry your tears
To let you know you're safe

Love has taken me in
Lifted my load
And in this empty space a wonder grows
And I dream of some kind of peace I can hold up as true
I never knew anything about love before you

Love come light up the shadows
Let the beauty of you enter in
For I have hungered for a tender touch
A long and lonely time.

My personal fort

Bringing down walls you've spent decades building, is really fucking difficult.

It may feel like torture, but if it's the right person helping you take them apart brick by brick...I must admit, makes it a little bit easier.

Maybe some day really soon, I'll see outside my castle of walls.

The Secret

Manifest the things you want.

This is no secret.

I know that book and movie made millions of dollars and got to be on Oprah and ran for president and all that, but the idea isn't new at all.

All it means is you shouldn't sit around moaping about how you don't have the things you want in life. Narrow down your desires and needs to actual concise thoughts. Focus on it and take the opportunities the world gives you on a daily basis.

We are so blinded by the ideas of what others think are desirable things, that we literally forget to think for ourselves.

Commercials keep telling me I need 40 different kinds of exercise machines and programs to keep me "in shape" while McDonalds wants me to try their new fat-free, organic, low calorie, sweet-less, guiltless slice of air...

How about I'm perfectly fine with having water as my favorite fluid and working out on my own time and being whatever shape I feel like being as long as I'm healthy?

Rims, cars, jewelry, and a ton of possessions are not what define me as a person.

My smile defines me. An honest smile that can be seen in my eyes. Happiness.

The kind of happiness that can only come from surrounding myself with real, honest, caring and loving people.

Manifest your happiness and work towards it. Trim away the poison and distractions. And you will smile the same.

Polarization

I looked down at my iPhone and noticed it had a prism of colors sprawled across the screen.

Recollecting that I hadn't in fact done any drugs in recent times (or ever) I quickly realized it was the polarized sunglasses I was wearing.

I lifted them up and my iPhone returned to its boring screen once again.

Then I looked around at other things around me, first through the glasses then without.

Life is better through polarized sunglasses.

Everything is sharper and has more color.

The sky refracts light and there's always a rainbow of colors.

I think I shall keep this outlook.

Doom's day

I guess the world didn't intend to get demolished this evening.

Bummer. I made brownies and left out milk for that unshaven bastard.

I'm not knocking any one's "beliefs"...oh, who am I kidding, I AM.

Religion is the best fairy tale I've ever heard. And the fact that some rich ass decided to do some creative "math" to figure out the date of judgment day out of the bible...just seems far fetched...a little...no?

Well, what do I know. I bought myself the "Zombie" safety pack.

Murphy's law of happiness

It never fails.

When you are happy and with someone that makes your world light up, it's like a light bulb or a neon sign goes off above your head for others to start hitting on you.



Either that or your exs get a whiff of happiness and pop up like mushrooms after a good rainstorm with a "hey how are you, been thinking about you lately.."

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I'm getting tired of the creepy smiles and awkward banter with random people I encounter daily.

I don't mean to sound like a total ass, but at the moment, I don't even see you, so please stop "accidentally" touching my hand. It's really kinda scary.

The ways of the universe amuse me.

Greatly.

Sorry, trains leave and ships sail. If you missed the boat make sure you catch the next one instead of chasing what's never coming back.

Swooole time

There truly is no gain without some pain.

My everything hurts after spending less than an hour at the gym with two freaks of nature that leg press 7 times my body weight.

Something is very wrong with them...and strangely, I like it.

I did my first "bench press" today and I call it that very loosely, as I only lifted the bar..and nearly tipped my whole body off the bench.

Some things are just not for me :)

I'll stick to my plank and ab routine and hope my arms get bigger with magic and pixie dust.

Good burn.

Peace

Today, I found peace and absolute happiness and bliss in doing absolutely nothing but waking up whenever I felt like it and sitting on the counter eating oatmeal in a borrowed hoodie.

Only to return to bed after that and doing absolutely nothing else the rest of the day.

I suppose it also helped to have arms around me the entire time.

Is this when I realize I'm getting old?

Have you hugged and said I love you to the most important people in your life today?

Sometimes I forget.

I get so caught up in my own life that I forget to recognize love and acknowledge it.

Hugs along with other human physical interaction have taken a back seat to texts and social network status updates.

I miss scraping my knees on the sidewalk and having my mom kiss away the pain.

That's all.

Patience.

I just want to admit to how much I hate waiting.

For anything.

I feel like life passes me by as I sit and "patiently" wait.

I say fuck that, grab it by the horns and tell it where to go!

Education...it's free.

I'm not sure if I've gotten on my soap box about this in the past but I'll step up again if I have to.

There is no bigger annoyance to me than when people use improper grammar and spelling of the words "they're" "their" "there" "you're" "your" "we're" "were" "where" and last but not least "too" and "to".

Either our education system doesn't spend enough time drilling this crap in our heads or people are just too (look at that, proper use) effin stupid to understand it and too lazy to use it.

Step up.

Intelligence is attractive. Ignorance makes you look like you may be missing a chromosome.

THERE is nothing worse than doing business with people who send emails full of spelling and grammar mistakes.

(I'm by no means perfect in this. I know I make mistakes spelling sometimes due to typing too fast and using my iPhone rather than a real computer. It's on me to proofread, which I sometimes neglect to do.)

That is all.

Some things just keep floating up.

You come across a different array of people in your lifetime.

Some you respect more than others, others respect you more than they respect anyone else.

What you don't come across often are people that respect you as equally as you respect them with the need to keep promises and not let someone down being mutual.

A lot of people automatically assume that respect and loyalty are a given when someone sees you in that way. You get one shot with me. If I respect you from the get go, please don't assume you are somehow off the hook to not work towards not letting me down as a person.

The admiration and respect will fly out the window faster than you can realize I am no longer there for you.

It pisses me off that one certain person's actions still affect me, but it baffles me that someone can demand so much and feel like they are owed somehow.

Sorry, nothing in life is free. Including my respect, care and time.

Lesson learned.

Bygones.

Idle minds

My brain absolutely cannot be left to run idle.

I tried to do this today and failed miserably.

For fear of burning out like I did last year, I have to figure out a hobby or an activity that isn't related to work or homework.  Something that will keep my mind sharp without wearing me out. Otherwise I may end up overloading myself again.

I've spent so much time the past year getting myself back on my feet and now that I'm standing I need to reshape my life to keep myself standing.

A work in progress...and every day I'm happier.

One down

Today, was the end of my first journalism class. I'm way more saddened by it than I thought I would be.

One down, one left to go (3 more weeks). Then I'm off for the summer. What in the world am I going to do for 6 weeks?

Never thought I'd miss school this much.

Squash squash squash...robot robot

With a full intent to hit the gym like it was Rihanna and I was Chris Brown (ohhhh ouch), I set out to pick up my gym rat buddy.

After arriving at her house and sitting on the couch, I became very apparent that we are no longer going to the gym. In fact, we were hungry.

An hour of pretending we were going to be good and not eat (and waiting for her husband to get home and go get us food, because seriously, we didn't want to drive), we buckled and had in-n-out instead of working out.

Two hours later of talking and laughing it was nearly 3am and I went home.

Sometimes, the best gym is laughing your ass off with the best people you know.

Squash squash...robot robot lol

Disturbia

Some days I really question my sanity...but then I remember that I've been on a 4hrs/night sleeping pattern and the delirium makes perfect sense. 


The scary part is I'm effin hilarious when I'm sleep deprived. 

Hm. I'm shooting for a full night's sleep. Let's see how dull I am tomorrow :)

Relax, stupid.

I pride myself on being a really positive person in life even through the harshest of times. What I've forgotten is how to remain optimistic when life gets good. How to simply enjoy the good. How not to stick a monkey wrench in the wheel and disturb the happiness just because I'm not sure how to accept it. 

For the first time in my life I feel like so many pieces of my puzzle of life are fitting together so nicely and easily. I can't lie and say I don't sit there and wait for the shit storm to hit. Where all comes crashing down. Because, I mean, the higher you go the harder you fall, right? 

I'm undercutting my happiness and my absolute bliss by doubting the fact that I DESERVE this. 

Putting aside my previous experiences with people and different kinds of relationships and going simply on the amount of....pain (emotional, physical, and mental) I've endured in the last year and a half...I deserve better. I deserve to look around and see myself surrounded by only the people that care about me and love me as much as I care about and love them. 

It's frighteningly refreshing to not feel used and taken for granted.

Sensory association

Every memory I have is accompanied by an array of senses. Smells, sounds, textures, Polaroid images captured in my brain.

It's amazing how much a single sense can recreate the exact moment of that memory.

A certain scent, a song, something I touch.... will evoke vivid memories.

If you don't already do so, next time you're in a good moment in life you'd like to remember, stop and pay attention to the surroundings. :)

Mom, mom, mamma, ma, mommy, mom...Louis...Louis...

How do you know that what you're doing is right, that the decisions you make are the correct ones, that the people you choose to associate with are the right ones...?

The real answer is you don't.

You go based on what you were raised with and based on previous experiences.

I, for one, always have faith that the things I choose to do and decisions I make are for a greater good and not just benefiting me. Although some selfishness is required to keep the users away.

I know they are good because when I sit on the grass at the park surrounded by some family members and a group of rowdy kids, I feel at peace.

Not like I don't have difficulties in life or hard decisions, more like knowing that no matter what I'm presented with I know I will do my best to do the right thing.

I thank my parents for this. They always let me have a chance to think things through and make my own decisions. Rewarding me with respect and acknowledgement for doing right, and explaining rather than yelling or scolding when I may have faltered.

I love my dad, but my mom is the reason I am who I am today.

Mother's day should really be every day just like Valentine's day. The shit we put our parents through (especially mothers) and how they handle it should be recognized on a daily basis.

Happy Mother's day to every single woman out there. I don't care if you are actually a MOM. You are a future mother, a current mother of some sort, a mentor for someone younger than you, a step mom, a god mom, a pet mom, a significant other mom....it all deserves recognition.

A special happy mother's day to those moms that wipe noses, brush hair, change diapers, and dry tears all while telling your brother to stop pulling on your hair...you are my heroes.

Pause like you mean it

I'm sitting on the warm sand with my pants wet up to my knees, sand in every wrinkle, and a panting dog by my side and it hits me: I don't do this nearly enough!

How many of us, especially the ones that live in LA with easy access to the beach, take some time off to pause life and just enjoy the simple things? Like sand in your underwear.

Thank god for a friend from Vegas that wanted to go to the beach in the middle of the day on a Friday.

I got more exercise in chasing Titan up and down the beach than I'd ever get at the gym. (they say he's a pitbull, but I'm almost certain he's half horse.)

Everybody is busy. Life will almost never throw you free time, you have to make it.

Go ahead, pause the day like you mean it. Whatever that means to you, just break the day.

Laughter fixes everything

From as far back as I can remember  I have always use humor to cover up the negative and unhappy in my life. I always figured if I made a joke nobody would think that there may be something bothering me.

What I didn't realize is that in making jokes and poking fun of situations I'd inadvertently changed not only the moods of those around me but also my mood and perception.

You know the saying "keep your friend close and your enemies closer"? I call bullshit.

I'll gladly keep a few amazing friends as close as possible to my heart and completely disarm my enemies by not caring one bit what they do.

The friends I keep now are those that understand who I am and how I function, but most importunely they laugh...with me and at me.

My abs hurt from nearly snorting soda out of my nose...numerous times tonight. Thank you.

Venomous.

Every day I come up with some of the most brilliant quotes that even impress me. I'm not trying to sound arrogant, I just really stop in my tracks every once in a while when I say something.

Today, in talking about someone who shall remain anonymous (although most of you who know me and this person will know right away) I came out with this little beauty:

"[this person] doesn't have relatinships....they have victims!"

Genius.

Trust me.

It describes them to a T.

That's all :)

Like Aretha said...RESPECT

I had a long talk with someone tonight about how people expect to be respected and cared about without giving back any sort of positive feedback or worse off not appreciating at all.

For MAAAAANY years, I cared about every person I met and gave 100% of myself to everyone. If I only knew how thin I spread myself for people that just simply didn't matter.

I've either become the world's largest asshole, or I've finally learned how to focus my attention on the people that deserve my love and kindness. Because unless you make me smile or somehow show me that you care, I generally don't give two shits about you or how I make you feel.

Maybe I'm wrong, but the way I figure is if I don't protect myself, people's nature is to take advantage of kindness, see it as a weakness and rub it in your face the first chance they get.

So if you don't appreciate the small things I do to show I care, kick rocks. You simply don't get me and there is always someone that DOES get me and deserves my attention.

That's my two shinny pennies.

Hi, sorry you're not my sign type

I've always been a pretty strong believer in Astrology. Maybe not taking it absolutely seriously but sort of as a guide for myself and for other people.

The things I have read about my own sign and the signs of the people I know have been somewhat accurate...until I've really started to look at it deeper.

Sure as a Cancer I'm sensitive and I like a cozy home and I'm moody. But 3 out of those 3 are the characteristics of a WOMAN.

As a cancer I am supposedly most romantically compatible with a Taurus and least compatible with an Aries. For those of you who know me on that personal level know that my Taurus relationship crashed, burned and left me in a coma. Aries? Well, I don't know about that. All I can say is out of the handful of people I adore and respect the most in my life about 80% are Aries. Three of my closest friends are Aries. My rock, my best friend is an Aries.

I'm not calling bullshit by any means. I just think there's a ton more to it than the month and day you were born. Like the year, time and the location if you're going to go further in to astrology.

Besides, I think compatibility is more about personalities, your morals, your upbringing and your previous experiences.

I like collecting my rebellious Aries :)

Clear as mud.

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled because you can actually see and feel changes about yourself that you've never seen before?

It may sound disturbing but I'm finally recognizing myself in the mirror again.

I see ME.

I like who I see and I accept who I see.

Because of it I see others in their true skin as well. It's really a double edged sword, however. Some people who I saw in a positive way are now people I shy away from because they just feel destructive. Others that I never saw clearly are see through now.

Just amazes me how much a clear head and a good self esteem can do for you.