Cheese overload.

Ok so I first have to start by saying that I am mildly....ok, severly obsessed with cheese.

I can live off cheese, cracker, and fruit plates for years and not get tired of it.

Luckily, Whole Foods has read my mind and they have this incredible idea of cutting various cheeses into $3-5 little chunks. So that with $25 I come home with 5-7 individually wrapped little pieces of gold.

Whole Foods, you may be the devil of all paycheck eaters, but you win with this little move.

NFL Ticket

DirecTV was awesome enough to offer this service with our aesthetically pleasing giant alien-attracting dish on the balcony.

There is just over a week to go til I can watch EVERY SINGLE GAME...not quite sure how or when I'll be able to do this, but they tell me its possible and that is all that matters to me!

COME ON NFL SEASON....you're taking too long!

Manual Labor

No matter the amount of technology that surrounds me, there are a number of things I still like to do by hand or without the help of something automated.

The dishes for example. Yes its quick and easy to shove your things into a washer and forget about it, but to me washing the dishes is relaxing. Go figure.

Another thing is filling out an actual hanging paper calendar of appointments, clients and personal bills to pay. I like to get the really cheesy ones at the dollar store and hang it by my desk just to keep life as silly as possible.

If I hear another alarm go off on my phone reminding me of some bill to pay, I may throw that thing out the window. I'd much prefer seeing it scribbled on the calendar.

I'm fighting the techno era....alone, I think...but fighting nevertheless.

Half life

I find it particularly disturbing that after reusing the same Gatorade bottle about 4 days in a row, filling it up with filtered water....it still has a hint of the original flavor it once contained.

What the hell is this stuff made of and why is it's half life that of Uranium!?

Weird...but oddly refreshing to still taste fruit punch while I sip my water.

Heat

Dear Las Vegas "heat wave",

There is no need to puff out your chest and call yourself a heat "wave" when you've been waiving all summer long.

We get it, you're mean you're hot and you're here to stay.

It's nearly 11pm and it's a cool 97 outside.

Just do us all a favor, pack your crap and move on to a different city. We are ready for our "cooler" days of upper 80s.
 

Sincerely,

Dehydrated and Chapped Skinned people of LV

Because we can.

 In our dining room.

Kudos to whoever figures out the non-commie flag.

We've already gotten a few scared/weary looks from people who have walked into the house.

Mission accomplished.

Poked, Proded and Violated.

So the past week, my personal bank card has been compromised and someone decided to ride this gravy train like it was Seabiscuit winning the race.

The joke's on them seeing as how I'm broke anyway!

Regardless, I've gotten my $250 back on the account, ordered a new card and had to suspend my personal account for a week to prevent any further free riding.

J.P. Morgan Chase....you, my friends, suck at being a bank.

I'm taking my pennies back to 8 Mile Road...ewrrr.. Bank Of America. Where I first got an account when I was 13 and apparently still have $60 in that same account.


It's like finding a $20 bill in those pants you haven't worn in 12 years.

Also, shocking that BofA hasn't somehow "absorbed" those $60 into some kinds of "maintenance" fees or "we're just making sure your account stays negative" fee.

Kudos.

That's why you get to watch my account all over again.

Gone in 60...ok fine 300...seconds.

Best. Homemade. Nachos. EVER.

Salsa, guac, and meat all homemade.

Tummy very happy.

Attention Whore

So I would say I'm relatively attractive and I have a decent smile and eyes.

I'm friendly with people I see on the street and at the gym and what not...

I would think people don't mind starting a conversation with me based on some of those things and maybe even find out I'm sorta smart....

Of all the things that start a conversation with me, my Retro 3 Jordans have done the trick far more times than anything else.

It's unreal.

Practically every tool at the gym makes a comment when I wear them, and I've gotten at least 20 people say something to me at a store or just out on the street.

Must get more Jordans.

In a Jam

So like I've mentioned I've gotten into the habit of cooking a LOT lately and loving every second of it. Last night, I got bored and decided to see what I can chop up and throw on the stove to simmer. And so this came out.


Have fun.


Makes about 4-6oz

2 plums sliced (I used a red plum and some fancy name plum that was super sweet)
1/2 Mango diced
Handful of blueberries
1 tbs chunky apple sauce
1/2 lemon squeezed with pulp
1 cup of brown sugar (this is totally to taste...I like mine a little more tangy than sweet so you can keep adding sugar til you can no longer taste fruit...if that's what you're into)
1 cup water

Place all ingredients into a small saucepan on medium heat and cover. Let it start boiling then turn the heat down to low so the mixture can simmer. Mix occasionally and let it simmer for about 20 minutes or until you see that it thickens. Transfer the jam into a glass container and let it cool before putting it into the fridge...if it ever makes it there.

Mine didn't. It was gone. Between putting it on the baked chicken and then on some freshly made brownies and some ice cream, there was just remnants of flavor left at the bottom of the jar.

Enjoy ;)

Cooking whore

Ever since we got all our damn utilities in line and I got my spiffy knife set (which I would protect with my own life...I've been known to hide them in the kitchen so Ashley can't find them and use them without me first talking to them...what? it's totally normal. I swear.) I have been cooking like a mad woman.

I can't stand going out to eat since half the time when I ask them if they have a gluten free menu, they look at me like I have rabies and then ask what that means. Right. Nevermind. I'll just go home and make sure I don't "accidentally" eat some form of gluten and die for the next few hours.

All that said, I've never enjoyed cooking this much in my entire life.

Nothing has turned out bad....yet. And everything is a one time meal leaving no leftovers. Which I take as a sign of good food.

I don't use recipes, I just look at them for ideas.

I'll post some things I've stumbled upon as I go.

Big Oven

Damn you Big Oven application and your random recipe function.

Just watched Julie and Julia and now I want to do a new random recipe every day....

Maybe I'll commit to a new recipe every week.

Keeping a diet and cooking creatively doesn't really go hand in hand...I'll keep you posted.

Social Lurkers

 Is it just me or does anyone else get creeped out by people who have Facebook accounts and never actually interact with any of their "friends"?

I'm not talking about people who have forgotten they even HAVE an account. I mean those stalker-like "friends" who set all their settings to private (where you can't write on their wall, post a picture, tag them, comment, breathe or even LOOK at their page) and all they do is "Like" pages along with all your pictures and status updates without EVER actually saying anything.

It's a SOCIAL network.

You're sorta supposed to SOCIALIZE.

I'm just sayin. It's creepy.

Why have an account when you can just lurk by people's windows at night instead.

ATV2

Oh AppleTV I love you so....but please for the love of all things cute in this world, stop being a fucking douchenozzle and let me properly jailbreak you so I can install the stupid XBMC software and totally legally play my 4TB collection of movies on you.

I promise I'll be gentle....

Snail Mail

It's been YEARS since I've received a written letter...or have sent one for that matter.

There's something about opening your mailbox (the actual box where you stick in a key) and you find a letter from a friend or a family member among the other crap that gets sent to you on a daily basis.

Not only is it a nice surprise to see something other than coupons to stores you don't give a crap about and bills, but there's something so much more personal about reading a letter that's hand written.

So much more thought goes into it. There's an actual PAPER trail that can be saved in an old shoe box to find and read in 30 years.

It saddens me that kids these days have never experienced a letter or a note passed in class. Everything is electronic and instant gratification.

I'll take waiting for a letter response for a few days over a text message any day.

I must be getting old and sentimental because I am starting to miss more and more of the life we used to lead when my generation was in middle school.

/sigh

A friend of mine, Heather, and I are gonna start a revolution.

We are gonna start corresponding like the old times (or like one of us is in prison).

You should join us.

Feel free to ask for my address if you feel a letter coming on and I will gladly write one back :)

Falling off the wagon

One must remember, that when getting back on the regular gym wagon, the wagon will every so often hand your ass on a platter right back to you.

Two days in a row, I've gotten my ass absolutely kicked by the workouts which I might add are about 50% as hard as they were when we fell off this wagon.

Tomorrow should be easy...and by easy I mean we are doing the 300 workout.

Look it up.

You may need to know what to tell people my cause of death was.

I don't want anything fancy. Just have a party in my honor and sprinkle my ashes all over Golds Gym where I shall leave my soul.

Snack Gremlins

Dealing with the midnight snack hunger all over again is like sitting back and relaxing while your toddler has a full blown tantrum and is crying tears the size of china.

All I want is a cookie....or some carrots with peanut butter...or a brownie? *sigh*

Spare a square?

Finding out you just ran out of toilet paper just as you finish peeing has to be one of the most disappointing feelings in life...right up there with finding out your kid is gonna have to repeat 2nd grade cos he just can't grasp the concept of 2+2.

I mean what do you do? Drip dry?

It just causes too many problems.

I want a never ending roll. Or one that slaps me before I sit down to pee to make sure I grab a new roll before committing to the seat.

Canceristics

One of the few cancer traits I will ever admit to is the undying and insatiable need to love and nurture and just take care of someone.

It makes me ridiculously happy to see someone smile from me doing something for them and me showing them love. It's a whole other kind of drug. And I'm totally addicted.

Born to love.

Let there be GAS

So we finally got our gas turned on today. Exactly one week after moving in.

I gotta admit, the cold showers weren't the biggest issue like I thought they would be. It was the cold cut and cheese diet that got to us. After being used to eating a certain way every day, taking away all abilities to cook a meal really throws a monkey wrench into the whole lifestyle.

The house smelled like HOME again tonight.

I got cooking power and a new set of knives. It was on. And it was delicious.

Hot food. Hot shower. Bed time.

Getting OLDer

Ok so maybe staying out til 2am is just not for me anymore.

Good god, I woke up cranky, sore and smelling like a cheap hooker sprinkled with stale cigarette smoke.

I haven't been out in a Vegas club in quite some time, but I really don't remember it being this loud and being violated by complete strangers on the dance floor.

The view was great and so was the company....but the rest of the night may as well have been a short lived thought in my head.

I feel hung over and all I had was Fiji water.

Getting old is starting to suck.

Cold showers, cold cuts, and cold cheese.

Soooo....due to an interview, I missed the stupid gas company today....by 5 minutes. I was gone 45 minutes and came back to a note saying "sorry we missed you. Please reschedule".

Would have been awesome if it weren't for the fact that their earliest appointment is TWO DAYS FROM NOW!!! argh.

Two more days of ass cold showers and more cold cuts and cheese.

Refusing to surrender and spend money on eating out.

You won't win this war Southwest Gas Co.

I'll take a Sprite with that

Ever get put on hold for so long that when they come back on the line you completely forget who the hell you called and why in the first place?

I just ordered a pizza from DirecTV and I think they may actually be on their way.

Drunk Walking

Dear upstairs neighbors,

Please at least attach a helmet to your child's head when you let him trip and fall over every single dust bunny and piece of lint on the floor.

It sounds like a bag of marbles comes tumbling across the floor every couple of hours.

I'm all for bowling indoors with your noggin, but not when it's nearly midnight and I'm trying to sleep.

Thanks,

Me.

P.S. At least let the kid cry instead of yelling at him. I'm looking for the CPS number as we speak.

Wiat, I thought you were done.

How is it that when you look at all your clothes you estimate needing about 50 hangers and when you return from the store with 60 hangers (just in case) you end up short about another 80??

They multiply, I tell you.

Unpacked...for the win.

Moving!

Victory is ours.

Today we moved.

Only took two badasses, 5 hours and a few nearly broken bones to get our shit moved into our OWN place away from crazies.

We have electricity but the gas is yet to come. Apparently they need a week in advance. This should be fun....seeing as how the water heater is gas powered.

Cold shower number one. It's cool. My body needs a giant ice pack.

Happiness is upon us.

Things that make you wonder why you only have 2 hands

You know when you've just finished loading up your hands with 35 grocery bags on one side and 23 on the other with an oddly shaped box under your armpit that is hanging on by the color of the letters on the side of it?

Please explain to me why in that EXACT moment, you nose decides to get a tiny little tickle that feels like the world will literally collapse on itself if you don't scratch it RIGHT NOW!!!!

I'm just asking.

Spinny Kinda

What the hell is with this vertigo?!

Every month, 2 days in a row I go swimming in my head.

Totally un-awesome.

No thanks.

I'm not even sure I want to waste my breath on this....all I will say is there's a reason why people choose to live on their own rather than deal with asshole roommates.

Fun ride but I'll take the check please!

Fingers crossed for this Silverado Ranch place for me and Ash. We should know by Friday!

Down bubu!

People that have their kids on a leash in public should have their rights as a parent revoked.

Last time I checked, children weren't animals. I mean if you're gonna go for it, may as well get the collar too. With a contact tag and all.

Seriously.

Boxes and such

I have to share this story because when I tell it, I feel like maybe I'm high and it's really not as ridiculous as it sounds in my head:

The other day I cleaned the entire house (minus the roomies bedroom) and threw away what I thought was an old cardboard box that had previously lived in the living room for about 3 weeks, pushed up against a wall collecting everything that didn't know it's place.

Today, (by way of text...and not to me, but rather to Ash) I was ripped a new asshole because, apparently, I'd thrown away the living room coffee table...?

I know, I had the same face as you do now when I heard this.

Turns out, the roomies loved and cherished this old box that you can get from purchasing large amounts of crap at Costco, and were now furious that I could do such a thing.

I'm sorry, back where I'm from, a cardboard box is a fucking cardboard box. It's a recyclable piece of material at best. Coffee tables are made of wood...or compressed wood if you're really in a pinch for money.

My cat once used a cardboard box as a bed...then she realized it was a box and let me throw it away.

Honestly.

I understand respecting people's property, but really....ITS JUST A FUCKING BOX! Get over it!