Truth and honesty

See I told you something major will come tonight. My biggest pet peeve is people who lie. Especially people who claim to be honest or "brutally honest". Those are the worst kind of liars. I realize there is no such thing as an honest person. In the words of House, "everybody lies". 
I'm no saint either. Even though I try to refrain from plainly lying to people's faces and making things up, I participate in a different kind of deceit. Beating around the bush, tip toeing and avoiding issues...therefore withholding my true and honest feelings about certain things. In a sense lying to myself. What's worse is when I finally break through and fight the urge to keep things to myself, I get anger in return. Somehow I become the bitch. For speaking the truth. Be it. At least I know where I come from and people know where I stand with them. Plainly, if we have a problem, you will know about it. I won't go behind your back and discuss it with everyone else but you. If needed, we can throw down and settle it less civilly? But it will still be truth. I've had entirely too many trust problems with people. Not from them to me, from me to them. Thus far I know only one person who I feel I can truly trust..and even then it's 99%. as sad as it is, I just can't let the whole wall down because no matter what, people have failed me in the honesty and trust department time and again. It's easy to gain my trust. I actually come installed with trust in the stock model. It's when I feel you have betrayed me, that my problems begin. 
I see it this way: it's like buying a CD or a government bond, you put up a face value, a whole...your promise to keep it whole for a number of years, your commitment, is rewarded with interest plus the return of your whole. If you break the commitment and take out your whole before the maturity date, you only get a small percent back. 

Just like that. You give me your honesty in return for honesty and trust...fuck up and pull out, your honesty and trust are shattered and bits and pieces remain. Hard to see a person for their whole once they decide to break a promise or commitment. 

That's all the preaching you get tonight. I'm gonna sip some tea and watch this episode of "teen mom" for the 500th time...what? It helps me fall asleep.